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15 year monogamous relationship and primary herpes outbreak...
I am utterly dumbfounded. I've been in a monogamous relationship for 15 years and out of nowhere I have what appears to be a genital herpes outbreak. I had serological hsv1 and hsv2 testing done prior to this relationship and it was negative for both. My husband and I have had no indication of herpes (oral or genital) and now this. He swears he didn't cheat, and I'm inclined to believe him, but how could this be? I am tremendously shocked. This is not something I saw coming. Is this even possible? I have a doctor's appointment on Monday to confirm but I'm pretty damn sure that's what's going on.
Thanks to all who commented. I truly appreciate your time, energy, and genuine concern.
I don't have much of an update since my husband never went and got tested. Christmas came, we traveled, and well life just went back to normal.
Neither one of us really care at this point. We figure we've been rocking this for 15 years what difference does it make HSV or not. Perhaps the next time one of us is at the doctor we'll ask them to throw in an HSV IgG test. In which case I will definitely update this thread. I am due for an annual exam in a few months so maybe I'll ask then.
Thanks again!
I don't have much of an update since my husband never went and got tested. Christmas came, we traveled, and well life just went back to normal.
Neither one of us really care at this point. We figure we've been rocking this for 15 years what difference does it make HSV or not. Perhaps the next time one of us is at the doctor we'll ask them to throw in an HSV IgG test. In which case I will definitely update this thread. I am due for an annual exam in a few months so maybe I'll ask then.
Thanks again!
WOW! I'm sorry to hear this; this must be really tough. Having the support of your husband is very important, and it's good that he's taking it positively.
This question has resulted in so many answers, information and clarification about herpes.
Did your husband ever do those tests? Did you find any answers, or closure?
This question has resulted in so many answers, information and clarification about herpes.
Did your husband ever do those tests? Did you find any answers, or closure?
More questions. I've read that cold sores can be caught by sharing utensils, cups, etc. If this is true, and since cold sores are caused by the same virus as genital herpes, wouldn't one be able to contract genital herpes from a toilet seat or towel? I know these questions sound silly but I am trying to figure this all out. Cold sore to utensil to someone else's mouth is no different than genital sore to toilet (or towel) to someone else's buttocks. Right?
Again, I'm really sorry if this sounds silly, I'm trying to process all the info I'm finding online and everything I've been reading says cold sores are caught from sharing utensils and even face towels. Which makes me nervous.
Again, I'm really sorry if this sounds silly, I'm trying to process all the info I'm finding online and everything I've been reading says cold sores are caught from sharing utensils and even face towels. Which makes me nervous.
3 Comments
***Disregard*** This was already answered somewhere else but just wasn't showing up in my "posts" section. Admin helped me find it though.
None of your questions are silly. The very vast majority of herpes transmissions occur from intimate contact, like deep kissing and sexual intercourse. If transmission happens due to sharing the same utensils, sharing a cigarette, or drinking out of the same glass or cup; it is extremely rare, if it happens at all. No one can guarantee that it can not happen, but the odds are so low they might as well be zero. One of the reasons is that the virus loses viability very quickly once exposed to the environment outside the human body. Another reason, pointed out above, is that both virus types need to be massaged into uninfected skin, and in large amounts so that viable virus can find an opening in the uninfected skin for transmission to occur.
To provide more evidence that transmission never occurs unless sexual intercourse is involved, I challenge you to find any clinician or herpes expert that knows of a specific case where someone was infected from a toilet seat, towel or razor. Clinicians and experts like Terri Warren, Dr. Hunter Handsfield, Dr Edward Hook, and Dr. Peter Leone will tell you they have never seen a case that did not involve transmission due to sexual intercourse - oral, anal or vaginal, and these experts combined have seen hundreds of thousands of patients over decades.
Well, I've tested negative for IgG and IgM. So I guess since my doc dropped the ball and didn't get a swab I have to wait several months and try IgG again. In the meantime I'll send my husband off for IgG. Whatever he has I've got so that might help shed some light on all of this.
2 Comments
I am sorry that your doctor dropped the ball on this. Here is what I think at this point:
1. Let's see what your husband's IgG test results are. If he is positive for either hsv type, then the mystery is over.
2. Visual diagnosis by anyone, including your doctor is too unreliable to go on. Other conditions can mimic herpes. This is why the pcr swab test was so important.
3. If you are still producing blisters, please get them swabbed. Bilateral lesions suggest a primary outbreak, but if your blisters have already healed, I am a little suspicious that this is herpes because a week is a little soon for a primary herpes outbreak to completely heal up. A true primary outbreak generally will last at least 10 - 21 days.
4. The typing of the virus is very IMPORTANT because the course of each infection by either virus type will likely be dramatically different.
In general, someone who is infected genitally by hsv2 should expect around 4-6 outbreaks in the first year, regular recurring outbreaks thereafter and should probably consider taking an antiviral to reduce duration of outbreaks.
In contrast, about half of the people infected genitally by hsv1 experience one, maybe two outbreaks and nothing more, and most of the others infected by hsv1 genitally will only have an outbreak once every few years.
There are other implications. For those that are not in a long term monogamous relationship, an hsv1 genital infection poses less obstacles with dating. Most people they meet will already be infected with hsv1 since at least 50 percent of adults are infected, so their partners will not be at risk of acquiring the infection due to prior immunity.
Even if their partners are not already infected, there is much less asymptomatic shedding with an hsv1 genital infection versus an hsv2 genital infection. So, there will be a lower risk for transmission.
Also, someone that has an hsv1 genital infection can still acquire an hsv2 infection. I have met too many people that have been infected genitally with hsv1 through oral sex and think "I have herpes" so I can not catch it again. Well, if you only have hsv1 genital herpes, you can still catch hsv2 genital herpes.
5. If you experience another outbreak, immediately get it swabbed, preferably before the blisters pop. The blisters are full of the virus. After they pop and time goes by, the virus dissipates leaving less genetic material available to detect by swab.
You may not experience another outbreak in the next several weeks or months, but if you are infected with herpes, you probably will not have to wait months to get blood tested. You will probably start serconverting and antibodies will be detectable in 6-8 weeks.
6. Please share your and your husbands results.
1. Let's see what your husband's IgG test results are. If he is positive for either hsv type, then the mystery is over.
2. Visual diagnosis by anyone, including your doctor is too unreliable to go on. Other conditions can mimic herpes. This is why the pcr swab test was so important.
3. If you are still producing blisters, please get them swabbed. Bilateral lesions suggest a primary outbreak, but if your blisters have already healed, I am a little suspicious that this is herpes because a week is a little soon for a primary herpes outbreak to completely heal up. A true primary outbreak generally will last at least 10 - 21 days.
4. The typing of the virus is very IMPORTANT because the course of each infection by either virus type will likely be dramatically different.
In general, someone who is infected genitally by hsv2 should expect around 4-6 outbreaks in the first year, regular recurring outbreaks thereafter and should probably consider taking an antiviral to reduce duration of outbreaks.
In contrast, about half of the people infected genitally by hsv1 experience one, maybe two outbreaks and nothing more, and most of the others infected by hsv1 genitally will only have an outbreak once every few years.
There are other implications. For those that are not in a long term monogamous relationship, an hsv1 genital infection poses less obstacles with dating. Most people they meet will already be infected with hsv1 since at least 50 percent of adults are infected, so their partners will not be at risk of acquiring the infection due to prior immunity.
Even if their partners are not already infected, there is much less asymptomatic shedding with an hsv1 genital infection versus an hsv2 genital infection. So, there will be a lower risk for transmission.
Also, someone that has an hsv1 genital infection can still acquire an hsv2 infection. I have met too many people that have been infected genitally with hsv1 through oral sex and think "I have herpes" so I can not catch it again. Well, if you only have hsv1 genital herpes, you can still catch hsv2 genital herpes.
5. If you experience another outbreak, immediately get it swabbed, preferably before the blisters pop. The blisters are full of the virus. After they pop and time goes by, the virus dissipates leaving less genetic material available to detect by swab.
You may not experience another outbreak in the next several weeks or months, but if you are infected with herpes, you probably will not have to wait months to get blood tested. You will probably start serconverting and antibodies will be detectable in 6-8 weeks.
6. Please share your and your husbands results.
Thank you.
On 12/3 I noticed pain on my left labia majora. My husband and I had just been intimate right before I noticed so I assumed his whiskers had irritated a small spot. The next day it looked like a small canker sore in that spot. Again, I assumed my husband's whiskers were the culprit. 12/7 the "canker" was feeling better so I looked to check on healing and noticed the canker was gone but there was a small cluster of blisters. I freaked out and asked my husband if he cheated. He was just as dumbfounded as me and said he had never done anything close to cheating, I believed him and therefore decided it could not be herpes. The next day (Friday) another crop of blisters showed up on my right lower buttocks (about where the sits bone is). It was red around the blisters and about an inch out from the blisters. The redness formed a line spreading out from the blisters in one of the directions. At this point I could not, and still can't, think of anything it could possibly be other than herpes.
Monday the 11th I saw the doctor. She said, "yep, that's herpes." By the 13th or 14th the lesion on my labia was healed. I still have scabbing and redness on other lesion but it's almost healed. There is still evidence of the red line. So all in all the first lesion was 10 or 11 days and the second one I'm on day 8 with the scabs healing up.
Also during this time for the first 5 to 7 days I had minor joint pain. My right wrist bugged me the most and my lower back. I also had very minor joint pain in my elbows, shoulders, and hips. The lesions themselves caused minor itching and minor pain. My OBGYN said they looked painful and said I must have a high pain threshold but they really weren't too bad. Way way way more psychologically difficult than physically difficult.
Thanks again for all your help. Your support and information has been very useful.
I am trying not to talk myself out of thinking this is herpes because I don't want to be in denial just to have another outbreak and have to process the emotional pain all over again. Therefore I'm bracing myself for more outbreaks.
My husband has been super chill. In his mind I have what he has and he has what I have and we're not going to stop having sex so it changes nothing. Therefore it's not a big deal. He really doesn't care either way. His laid back reaction has been the only thing keeping me sane. Considering that his face was all up in my lady parts when symptoms first appeared if he doesn't get symptoms it's either not herpes, he's an asymptomatic carrier, or it's a miracle.
On 12/3 I noticed pain on my left labia majora. My husband and I had just been intimate right before I noticed so I assumed his whiskers had irritated a small spot. The next day it looked like a small canker sore in that spot. Again, I assumed my husband's whiskers were the culprit. 12/7 the "canker" was feeling better so I looked to check on healing and noticed the canker was gone but there was a small cluster of blisters. I freaked out and asked my husband if he cheated. He was just as dumbfounded as me and said he had never done anything close to cheating, I believed him and therefore decided it could not be herpes. The next day (Friday) another crop of blisters showed up on my right lower buttocks (about where the sits bone is). It was red around the blisters and about an inch out from the blisters. The redness formed a line spreading out from the blisters in one of the directions. At this point I could not, and still can't, think of anything it could possibly be other than herpes.
Monday the 11th I saw the doctor. She said, "yep, that's herpes." By the 13th or 14th the lesion on my labia was healed. I still have scabbing and redness on other lesion but it's almost healed. There is still evidence of the red line. So all in all the first lesion was 10 or 11 days and the second one I'm on day 8 with the scabs healing up.
Also during this time for the first 5 to 7 days I had minor joint pain. My right wrist bugged me the most and my lower back. I also had very minor joint pain in my elbows, shoulders, and hips. The lesions themselves caused minor itching and minor pain. My OBGYN said they looked painful and said I must have a high pain threshold but they really weren't too bad. Way way way more psychologically difficult than physically difficult.
Thanks again for all your help. Your support and information has been very useful.
I am trying not to talk myself out of thinking this is herpes because I don't want to be in denial just to have another outbreak and have to process the emotional pain all over again. Therefore I'm bracing myself for more outbreaks.
My husband has been super chill. In his mind I have what he has and he has what I have and we're not going to stop having sex so it changes nothing. Therefore it's not a big deal. He really doesn't care either way. His laid back reaction has been the only thing keeping me sane. Considering that his face was all up in my lady parts when symptoms first appeared if he doesn't get symptoms it's either not herpes, he's an asymptomatic carrier, or it's a miracle.
Update: I saw the doctor today and she said it is definitely herpes just by looking at it. She drew labs for IGG and IGM. I should have the results in a few days.
She said she sees this in her clinic all the time. Long term monogamous couple comes in shocked they have HSV. She said she's always the one who is shocked because she can't believe how many people don't know this could happen.
So now I wait. I asked if my husband should get tested and she said it doesn't matter since he probably already has it too, and if he doesn't he probably will eventually anyway. But if he wants to be tested he could.
She said she sees this in her clinic all the time. Long term monogamous couple comes in shocked they have HSV. She said she's always the one who is shocked because she can't believe how many people don't know this could happen.
So now I wait. I asked if my husband should get tested and she said it doesn't matter since he probably already has it too, and if he doesn't he probably will eventually anyway. But if he wants to be tested he could.
5 Comments
She took blood work and did not swab the lesions? If this is a true primary herpes outbreak, your blood tests will likely be negative because you will not have had enough time to seroconvert, i.e. build up antibodies that are detectable on the IgG blood test. The IgM blood test is worthless. I would not believe it regardless of the result.
Your husband should be tested. Not so much because I am unsure whether or not he has an infection, but because we need to know the virus type.
Your husband should be tested. Not so much because I am unsure whether or not he has an infection, but because we need to know the virus type.
Well, I just got lab tests back and everything was negative. I'm kicking myself for not having her swab the lesion.
Why is the IgM test worthless?
Why is the IgM test worthless?
It doesn't look like the doctor ordered IgM anyway. This had been an exhausting process. I really trust my doctor but it appears doctors don't know crap when it comes to laboratory science.
The HSV IgM blood test is meaningless. It is inherently unreliable. I am not surprised by your negative IgG test. Even if you do have either hsv infection, the IgG antibodies to develop, become detectable, and give a positive result. Sometimes it takes 3 months, but most people with new HSV-2 have positive results by 6 weeks.
If you still have active lesions and can get the pcr swab test, then please do that. In the meantime, your husband needs to get the IgG tests done. He should NOT get the IgM test. He can get an IgG test done anonymously right at most STD clinics.
If you still have active lesions and can get the pcr swab test, then please do that. In the meantime, your husband needs to get the IgG tests done. He should NOT get the IgM test. He can get an IgG test done anonymously right at most STD clinics.
*take time to develop* I meant to write
It is also possible if this is hsv1 that your husband can test negative with an igg bloodtest. The igg blood test for hsv1 has been shown in studies to miss up to 30% of infections.
Herpes is not an extremely contagious virus. Many couples go an entire liferime and never spread it. It is very possible that he has hsv and had no idea. Very common
My advice is, if you trust and believe in him then put the thought of infidelity on the back burner for now. Go get swabbed asap!! And make sure they do a pcr with type specific testing. It helps to know which hsv it is if it comes back positive. I wish you luck.
Herpes is not an extremely contagious virus. Many couples go an entire liferime and never spread it. It is very possible that he has hsv and had no idea. Very common
My advice is, if you trust and believe in him then put the thought of infidelity on the back burner for now. Go get swabbed asap!! And make sure they do a pcr with type specific testing. It helps to know which hsv it is if it comes back positive. I wish you luck.
3 Comments
I haven't been able to eat or sleep much since Thursday. I feel like I'm falling apart. This has hit me like a ton of bricks. Sigh. I hate the idea of genital herpes but the idea of my husband cheating hurts more. We've been solid for 15 years so I have no reason not to believe him.
Thanks for the information.
Thanks for the information.
Then believe him for now and let your mind rest. If it's hsv1 then you may never get another outbreak. Genital hsv1 is actually the most popular genital infection as of late and is almost always contracted through receptive oral sex. It's very rarely contracted through intercourse. If your husband gave you oral sex recently then there is a big chance it's hsv1. If that's the case it will end up being a minor inconvenience and you can really rule out your fears of him not being faithful.
Wellinformedperson did a great job giving you spot on advice and facts in his well written very succinct responses. I agree that your husband should get an igg bloodtest. In fact you both should get one together.
Wellinformedperson did a great job giving you spot on advice and facts in his well written very succinct responses. I agree that your husband should get an igg bloodtest. In fact you both should get one together.
My husband gives me oral sex every time we have sex, not just recently, and still 15 years later this is the first time any sign of herpes for either of us has shown up. So I guess it really could go either way. I've sure learned a lot about herpes over the last few days. The hardest part was asking my husband if he had cheated. Now I feel bad for being so accusatory. Poor guy. He was probably just as dumbfounded as me.
It definitely looks like herpes. Two clusters of blisters, bilaterally in the genital area.
I can't imagine going to instacare for this. I trust my doctor and feel safe with her.
I can't imagine going to instacare for this. I trust my doctor and feel safe with her.
6 Comments
The only reason I suggest going to urgent care is because timing is critical. The sooner the better so that enough virus can be collected to get a reliable test result.
Makes sense. I called around to Planned Parenthood clinics but nobody had anything available. Waiting until Monday is difficult because I want answers now.
Is it possible my husband could have had herpes without symptoms and now after 15 years I've finally gotten it?
Is it possible my serological testing was wrong and I've had it for 15 years and am just now having the first outbreak?
Obviously, I know with certainty that I didn't cheat and I fully trust my husband, we've had a solid 15 years under our belt. I'm so confused how this could happen.
Thanks for your help.
Is it possible my husband could have had herpes without symptoms and now after 15 years I've finally gotten it?
Is it possible my serological testing was wrong and I've had it for 15 years and am just now having the first outbreak?
Obviously, I know with certainty that I didn't cheat and I fully trust my husband, we've had a solid 15 years under our belt. I'm so confused how this could happen.
Thanks for your help.
I am really sorry you are going through this. I cannot even imagine what it must be like for you.
In studies of discordant couples, i.e. one partner is infected and the other is not, where they are having sex as much as three times per week, transmission only takes place in about 5 percent of the couples per year, which translates to transmission occurring approximately once in every one thousand episodes of sex. So yes, it is possible that your husband could have been asymptomatic for this long and you just acquired it.
Could you have had genital herpes all these years, not had symptoms and a negative IgG blood test? It is theoretically possible, but very unlikely.
Your husband should get the IgG type-specific blood test done asap because it will help sort out this situation.
In studies of discordant couples, i.e. one partner is infected and the other is not, where they are having sex as much as three times per week, transmission only takes place in about 5 percent of the couples per year, which translates to transmission occurring approximately once in every one thousand episodes of sex. So yes, it is possible that your husband could have been asymptomatic for this long and you just acquired it.
Could you have had genital herpes all these years, not had symptoms and a negative IgG blood test? It is theoretically possible, but very unlikely.
Your husband should get the IgG type-specific blood test done asap because it will help sort out this situation.
I'm terrified my husband will test negative and I'm left trying to figure out how in the hell I got this. Is it possible to be exposed by sharing towels or razors with house guests? Inadvertently at an OB visit?
Also how do I keep my kids from getting exposed?
I'm sure these questions come accross as uninformed but the fact is I am indeed uninformed. I blame crappy sex education in the US.
Also how do I keep my kids from getting exposed?
I'm sure these questions come accross as uninformed but the fact is I am indeed uninformed. I blame crappy sex education in the US.
I suppose it is theoretically possible to be infected by sharing towels or razors with an infected person, but it is extremely unlikely.
Herpes is an STD for a reason. Along with vigorous rubbing and friction, a penis must be inserted into an anus, a mouth or a vagina for the virus to be transmitted. The reason vigorous rubbing is important is because the virus must be massage into uninfected skin in order for transmission to occur.
At this moment I can not cite research, but I am guessing that the virus has been evolving along with humans over the last 4-6 millions years so that sex is the most efficient mode of transmission.
STD clinicians who see thousands of patients each year over decades will tell you that they have never diagnosed a new herpes infection that did not involve the insertion of a penis in an anus, mouth or vagina. Even mutual masturbation with an infected person when bodily fluids are used for lubrication, very rarely, if ever, leads to transmission.
And the above discussion is why your children have absolutely nothing to worry about if this turns out to be a herpes infection.
In addition, the typing of the virus matters because an infection due to hsv1 versus hsv2 take very different courses and have very different implications going forward.
Please keep me informed of your diagnosis.
Herpes is an STD for a reason. Along with vigorous rubbing and friction, a penis must be inserted into an anus, a mouth or a vagina for the virus to be transmitted. The reason vigorous rubbing is important is because the virus must be massage into uninfected skin in order for transmission to occur.
At this moment I can not cite research, but I am guessing that the virus has been evolving along with humans over the last 4-6 millions years so that sex is the most efficient mode of transmission.
STD clinicians who see thousands of patients each year over decades will tell you that they have never diagnosed a new herpes infection that did not involve the insertion of a penis in an anus, mouth or vagina. Even mutual masturbation with an infected person when bodily fluids are used for lubrication, very rarely, if ever, leads to transmission.
And the above discussion is why your children have absolutely nothing to worry about if this turns out to be a herpes infection.
In addition, the typing of the virus matters because an infection due to hsv1 versus hsv2 take very different courses and have very different implications going forward.
Please keep me informed of your diagnosis.
I'll follow up for sure. Thanks for all your help. How did you become so informed?
Do not jump to any conclusions. We need to methodically work through this and sort this out.
1. You need to get a swab test immediately. I would not wait until Monday. If you can, you should go to an urgent care center that can provide you with a swab test. Make sure the doctor types the swab.
2. Your husband should get an IgG type-specific blood test done right now. If he is positive, he may have a latent infection and has not known about it. He may just be asymptomatic.
3. If you are positive for hsv1 on that swab test, then it is possible you acquired it through oral sex due to your husband having it and being asymptomatic for hsv1, meaning he never gets symptoms. Many (most?) people infected with hsv1 do not know they are and are surprised by blood tests that indicate they have antibodies to hsv1. Also, the IgG blood test for hsv1 antibodies misses at least 10 percent and maybe as much as 30 percent of infections. So, if your swab test is positive for hsv1, your husband could still be infected, not know it, and still get a negative blood test. Odds are low for this, but it is possible.
4. There is also a chance that this is not even herpes, and an infection of a completely different type. What does the infected area look like?
1. You need to get a swab test immediately. I would not wait until Monday. If you can, you should go to an urgent care center that can provide you with a swab test. Make sure the doctor types the swab.
2. Your husband should get an IgG type-specific blood test done right now. If he is positive, he may have a latent infection and has not known about it. He may just be asymptomatic.
3. If you are positive for hsv1 on that swab test, then it is possible you acquired it through oral sex due to your husband having it and being asymptomatic for hsv1, meaning he never gets symptoms. Many (most?) people infected with hsv1 do not know they are and are surprised by blood tests that indicate they have antibodies to hsv1. Also, the IgG blood test for hsv1 antibodies misses at least 10 percent and maybe as much as 30 percent of infections. So, if your swab test is positive for hsv1, your husband could still be infected, not know it, and still get a negative blood test. Odds are low for this, but it is possible.
4. There is also a chance that this is not even herpes, and an infection of a completely different type. What does the infected area look like?
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Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
