Divorced. Dating. Almost certain I gave her herpes. Now what?

[CTReader17]

I'm going straight to hell, no question about it.

Told my girlfriend I had contracted herpes in my early 20s (we are both in our late 40s and divorced), but I had not had a serious outbreak in a couple of years. Anyway, turns out shortly after we had been intimate (unprotected), I had a monster outbreak and now I am 99% sure I infected her. This angel doesn't realize what it is, bless her heart, but I know by how she describes her flu-like symptoms. Yes, I know what a **** I am, but now I am trying to decide what is the best thing for her moving forward.

I am trying to figure out what to tell her. I take full responsibility, but what is the best thing to tell her for her physical and emotional well being?  I don't want to say the wrong thing just to assuage my own guilt. Should I suggest she get on antiviral drugs asap? Should I not tell her anything, since neither one of us will be intimate with another? What is the best thing for her to hear from me?

Especially interested in hearing the viewpoints of people over 40.

[Mistakeguy789]

Stress and ones job doesn't play a role in ones outbreak patterns.  

[whydowego75]

First of all, I am sorry to hear about this. I can really feel your concern in your words. I will start of that I do not have any form of a STD, but growing up in a family of health care professional, I have been well versed.  Not to lighten your concerns, but it sound like you two had talked about your herpes prior to having sex. So for me she knew, but more import you cared enough to tell, and risk the change of being completely rejected by her. You both sound like two assuming people.I have one question for you, as far as contentious care, what do the two of you for a living, I believe that having a well balance career reducing as much stress as possible, incorporated by other healthy lifestyles, is a good formula to ensure longevity. One last thing, why did you break it off? It would seem you were both very much in love, and I think you could of be a great support to each other.  Good luck to the both of you.

[petal130]

You've made many assumptions here. Flu-like symptoms alone, without genital lesions, are just that: flu or cold. Does she in fact have genital symptoms? If so, she needs to be seen asap and the lesions swabbed/cultured. As well, has she ever been tested to know her own herpes status? You both need to know your HSV1 and HSV2 status to be able to make appropriate decisions as to how to manage it.

You stated you've already discussed it - so indeed talk with her about it. Now's not the time to "not tell her anything". Honesty is the best policy and cornerstone to any successful relationship. I'd be highly upset if I felt my partner was hiding something from me.

Plain and simple - she needs tested asap if she has current genital symptoms (swab/culture), and can get a blood test now and if negative, repeat it again at the 3 month mark (the amount of time it can take for antibodies to develop). If she is negative, you need to be discussing how to keep it that way. Are you taking suppressive therapy? Also, condom usage makes a difference too. There's a 98% chance annually she WON'T get your herpes if you take suppressive therapy and use condoms, and of course don't have sex during an outbreak.

And yes, I'm over 40 and have genital herpes, for what it's worth.