Dormant herpes 7 years what will husband say?

[lisatwo]

Hi everyone. Two months ago I started experiencing some problems down below, at first I thought this was a bout of reoccurent thrush which I have suffered from for several years. However, I then noticed a blister which has subsequently been diagnosed as genital herpes. The nurse told me it did not resemble a primary outbreak and that it was probably I had had this for years and not been aware.
I am absolutley devatsted by this but have now come to accept that this won't kill me and it's something that I will just have to live with.
I am however at a loss as to how this happened. I have been with the same partner for 7 years and married for the last year. I have been faithful and I sincerely believe he has too. My husband does not know about my diagnosis and since I had the outbreak I haven't had sex because I am petrified of passing it on. Of course I know I should be talking to him about this but my husband is a very stubborn person and I know his first reaction will be to point the blame at me being unfaithful.
I am aware that this is not necessarily an uncommon situation to be in but it still doesn't make me feel better nor how I address the problem of a STD being present in our relationship after 7 years of seemingly no problems.
Any advice on how to handle this would be greatly appreciated.

[gracefromHHP]

Study after study consistently shows that the vast majority of folks who have hsv2, have no  idea they have it until tested.  One of you being infected and not knowing it until obvious symptoms like this shows up is very common.  

yes indeed he needs tested to know his status. You can't make educated decisions until you know who has what.

grace

[Mistakeguy789]

Symptoms can be so mild that we write it off to something else.  IE: Yeast infection or jock itch.  Many different things.  It could very well be that your husband has it as well but maybe he doesn't.  There is no real way to know but talk to your husband and if he wants to get tested that is okay he can be tested using a type specific IgG blood test to know his own status.  From there you can choose your own precautions but in a relationship such as yours HSV isn't something to worry about much.  It is merely a pain in the butt skin condition.

[lisatwo]

Thanks very much for your reply. I guess what I want to know is whether this situation is not uncommon? Is it perfectly feasible that I have had this all this time and for neither of us to have had any problems? Also is there any point in him getting tested if he has not shown any symptoms so far?  

[gracefromHHP]

just sit your husband down and tell him what happened like you told us. You thought you had a yeast infection again and the doctor found a blister that came back as hsv2+. Let him know that at this point you don't know if you've had this all along and never realized it or if he perhaps had it and recently transmitted it to you. I'd print out a copy of the free herpes handbook at www.westoverheights.com for the both of you to read too. it's 40+ pages but well worth the ink!!  It covers how most folks who have it, have no idea until tested.

You can't really tell if this is a newly acquired infection or not just by looking at it. If you had hsv1 ( whether you knew it or not ) orally and recently acquired hsv2, it can present like this too.  This is why testing for both of you is a good idea though if it's been more than 2 weeks since you were diagnosed, your blood test might be + even if it is a newly acquired infection for you.

grace

[lisatwo]

Thanks v much for your reply. I was diagnosed visually and then with a positive culture. Neither have ever had any tests or bloodwork for STDs. Neither of us have ever displayed coldsores either.

[Mistakeguy789]

How were you diagnoised?  Was it a visual, culture/pcr testing, or bloodwork?

The reason I ask this is if it was visual they can be wrong 1/3 of the time.  Even among HSV experts... Have you or your husband had bloodwork done at any time for HSV?  If not you may want to get a type specific IgG blood test done.  This will let you know (if you weren't culture tested) if you have HSV or not.  

If your husband has cold sores or fever blisters he will have HSV (most likely) 1 orally.  If he preformed oral sex on you during a time when he had a cold sore (or even not) he could ahve passed it to you genitally.  Something for you to consider is finding that out as well.  But before we jump the gun let us know how you were diagosied please.