Aa
Herpes?? My life is over...
I thought I'd start here, as I'm extremely depressed, scared, feel guilt and am not sure how/what to feel and how to deal with the news that they said I have herpes.
Let me give you a bit of my background. I'm a 28 year old female. I have had sex, but not that much...and have used a condom. I was planning to save myself for marriage, but that didn't happen. I still hold onto that value, and as much as humanly possible, and try my best to not let my relationships escalate to sexual circumstances.
In August, I had strep throat and also had pain in my abdomen. I was put on antibiotics, but got much sicker a few days later. Long story short, I was admitted into the hospital (a total of 2 weeks). They did a million tests, cat scans, x-rays, blood work, ultrasound, etc. My gall bladder had fluid around it and the wall was thickened...so they were gonna yank it out, but I was really sick and they postponed it. My throat was also extremely sore...had sores, red, almost swollen shut. Again, they were gonna yank my tonsils, but being in the state I was, decided surgery was not the best option right then. Mono came back positive (I had mono when I was 16, and I am 28 now and had it again. They say that mono is from the EBV, which is a herpes virus). I was on morphine through IV and also on several different medications. They gave me heprin shots in my stomach, to protect against blood clots.
I also had a strange little episode of some little blister type things. I had a couple on one of my shoulder blades, several on my lip, several on my hand, and several on the bottom of one of my big toes. They didn't know what these were...they mentioned chicken pox, limes disease, hand-foot-and-mouth disease, herpes, etc.
They put me on acyclovir in the hospital and I had been taking it up until about 2 weeks ago. Since being out of the hospital, I have only had the little blisters reoccur on my hands...in the same spots. They come and go on the same fingers...never on my palms, not in between my fingers, not on the tops of my hands...and not anywhere else (shouldblade, legs, toes, lips, etc.). I went to an infectious disease doctor, as I was unsure that the acyclovir was helping them. He didn't draw bloodwork, but spent about 45 minutes talking to me about the history of them, touching the tiny blisters I had at that time, even shook my hand that had the most (on purpose) when we left, as he was pretty sure that these were not herpes. He suggested I went to see a dermatologist.
Last Friday, I went to the dermatologist. Again, explained my history of being in the hospital and the history on these little blisters. They did a biopsy on my thumb...took a chunk of "healthy" skin near the site of some little blisters, as well they took a chunk of the spot where some blisters were. The blisters never pop- they come about, fill up, get tight and a bit painful, and then dry up from inside and eventually flake off. They have never opened, oozed, or look like the typical "herpes" (disgusting) pictures you see. The dermatologist again, looked at them, poked at them, and really did not feel that they were herpes.
I went yesterday to get the couple stitches out, and saw a different doctor (the original doc had a family emergency). They took the stitches out, and told me herpes came back as what I have.
I felt my world get turned upside down...I asked how you get this. He mentioned a lot of people contract it as a child- someone, perhaps a relative, kisses you with a cold sore and boom- you have herpes. Or, you just contract it elsewhere and never know where, and sometimes don't know that you even have it.
So, now...I'm left with them telling me I have herpes. I don't have them in my genitals, nor have I ever had a cold sore (one of my girlfriends gets them from time to time, but I've never had one). In the short amount of time that I've researched herpes, I see it categorized into gential herpes or oral herpes. I cannot find things that say they are on your hands...or describe similar symptoms as mine. I'm so scared, depressed, feel guilty if I've unknowingly spread what I have. I want to know HOW contagious this may be (if it is in fact what I have)...how am I supposed to live a "normal" life?? I have young nieces and the last thing I'd want to do is to get them sick. And then I think of my family...and people I've dated...and future people I'd want to date- sharing drinks, kissing them, holding hands, eventually having sex, etc. I feel as though my life is over...I'm serious. I feel so depressed, wanting to lock myself away from everyone...and hurting, knowing that if I want to date, how do I tell someone in the future that I date- "I have herpes- don't touch or kiss me, or you'll get it". What about having kids?? I mean...I'm looking at it from my end...if some guy I was interested in and was dating told me he had herpes (and I didn't), my first though would be to run as fast as I could in the opposite direction. Who in their right mind would CHOOSE to be with (date, hold hands, kiss, have sex with) someone who had this contagious infection???
I was just reading another question/answer that said: "Newer tests are more reliable than older tests; they can differentiate between Herpes Type 1 (oral herpes) and Herpes Type 2 (genital herpes). However, even in the newer tests, false positives can occur around 5 percent of the time." Is it possible that the test may not be 100% right? They also did not diagnose me with Herpes 1 or 2, and like I said, in my research so far, I can't find my symptoms matching with either type.
I'm so confused and don't know what to do. I'm really hoping you may be able to give me some insight on what you think, what other experiences you may have heard of or dealt with...and maybe give me some guidance on my situation. My biggest fear- touching other people (family, people I date) and spreading it
.
Thank you so much...
Let me give you a bit of my background. I'm a 28 year old female. I have had sex, but not that much...and have used a condom. I was planning to save myself for marriage, but that didn't happen. I still hold onto that value, and as much as humanly possible, and try my best to not let my relationships escalate to sexual circumstances.
In August, I had strep throat and also had pain in my abdomen. I was put on antibiotics, but got much sicker a few days later. Long story short, I was admitted into the hospital (a total of 2 weeks). They did a million tests, cat scans, x-rays, blood work, ultrasound, etc. My gall bladder had fluid around it and the wall was thickened...so they were gonna yank it out, but I was really sick and they postponed it. My throat was also extremely sore...had sores, red, almost swollen shut. Again, they were gonna yank my tonsils, but being in the state I was, decided surgery was not the best option right then. Mono came back positive (I had mono when I was 16, and I am 28 now and had it again. They say that mono is from the EBV, which is a herpes virus). I was on morphine through IV and also on several different medications. They gave me heprin shots in my stomach, to protect against blood clots.
I also had a strange little episode of some little blister type things. I had a couple on one of my shoulder blades, several on my lip, several on my hand, and several on the bottom of one of my big toes. They didn't know what these were...they mentioned chicken pox, limes disease, hand-foot-and-mouth disease, herpes, etc.
They put me on acyclovir in the hospital and I had been taking it up until about 2 weeks ago. Since being out of the hospital, I have only had the little blisters reoccur on my hands...in the same spots. They come and go on the same fingers...never on my palms, not in between my fingers, not on the tops of my hands...and not anywhere else (shouldblade, legs, toes, lips, etc.). I went to an infectious disease doctor, as I was unsure that the acyclovir was helping them. He didn't draw bloodwork, but spent about 45 minutes talking to me about the history of them, touching the tiny blisters I had at that time, even shook my hand that had the most (on purpose) when we left, as he was pretty sure that these were not herpes. He suggested I went to see a dermatologist.
Last Friday, I went to the dermatologist. Again, explained my history of being in the hospital and the history on these little blisters. They did a biopsy on my thumb...took a chunk of "healthy" skin near the site of some little blisters, as well they took a chunk of the spot where some blisters were. The blisters never pop- they come about, fill up, get tight and a bit painful, and then dry up from inside and eventually flake off. They have never opened, oozed, or look like the typical "herpes" (disgusting) pictures you see. The dermatologist again, looked at them, poked at them, and really did not feel that they were herpes.
I went yesterday to get the couple stitches out, and saw a different doctor (the original doc had a family emergency). They took the stitches out, and told me herpes came back as what I have.
I felt my world get turned upside down...I asked how you get this. He mentioned a lot of people contract it as a child- someone, perhaps a relative, kisses you with a cold sore and boom- you have herpes. Or, you just contract it elsewhere and never know where, and sometimes don't know that you even have it.
So, now...I'm left with them telling me I have herpes. I don't have them in my genitals, nor have I ever had a cold sore (one of my girlfriends gets them from time to time, but I've never had one). In the short amount of time that I've researched herpes, I see it categorized into gential herpes or oral herpes. I cannot find things that say they are on your hands...or describe similar symptoms as mine. I'm so scared, depressed, feel guilty if I've unknowingly spread what I have. I want to know HOW contagious this may be (if it is in fact what I have)...how am I supposed to live a "normal" life?? I have young nieces and the last thing I'd want to do is to get them sick. And then I think of my family...and people I've dated...and future people I'd want to date- sharing drinks, kissing them, holding hands, eventually having sex, etc. I feel as though my life is over...I'm serious. I feel so depressed, wanting to lock myself away from everyone...and hurting, knowing that if I want to date, how do I tell someone in the future that I date- "I have herpes- don't touch or kiss me, or you'll get it". What about having kids?? I mean...I'm looking at it from my end...if some guy I was interested in and was dating told me he had herpes (and I didn't), my first though would be to run as fast as I could in the opposite direction. Who in their right mind would CHOOSE to be with (date, hold hands, kiss, have sex with) someone who had this contagious infection???
I was just reading another question/answer that said: "Newer tests are more reliable than older tests; they can differentiate between Herpes Type 1 (oral herpes) and Herpes Type 2 (genital herpes). However, even in the newer tests, false positives can occur around 5 percent of the time." Is it possible that the test may not be 100% right? They also did not diagnose me with Herpes 1 or 2, and like I said, in my research so far, I can't find my symptoms matching with either type.
I'm so confused and don't know what to do. I'm really hoping you may be able to give me some insight on what you think, what other experiences you may have heard of or dealt with...and maybe give me some guidance on my situation. My biggest fear- touching other people (family, people I date) and spreading it
.
Thank you so much...
You are already discussing this with HHH/EWH on their board. I have little to add other than you need to call and ask what type of herpes did the biopsy come back as. Find out if it's hsv1 or hsv2 and how they tested you for it.
Sorry to hear that you've been so ill - hopefully you are finally on the mend.
grace
Sorry to hear that you've been so ill - hopefully you are finally on the mend.
grace
I really doubt you have HSV-1 or 2. Yeah EBV is a herpes virus and so is chickenpox/shingles and I think that's what you have. A case of shingles. Either way, get a type-specific IgG herpes blood test to make sure. Don't pay attention the IgM as they pick up other herpes viruses easily; shingles/chickenpox, EBV, CMV, etc.
You clearly haven't read enough about it and sound very ill-informed. Best advice I can give is to start reading about it.
I just have to say this - I rarely ever hear about people wanting to "save themselves" for marriage, in this day and age. Hard to believe those folks are still around. Hell, I take a car out for a spin before I buy it. I try on a pair of shoes before I buy them. I can't imagine not screwing a partner before marriage - what if you are incompatible in bed? Wouldn't you want to know that before you get married and lock it all in? Just sayin'.
You need to read a lot more about herpes, though. Good luck.
I just have to say this - I rarely ever hear about people wanting to "save themselves" for marriage, in this day and age. Hard to believe those folks are still around. Hell, I take a car out for a spin before I buy it. I try on a pair of shoes before I buy them. I can't imagine not screwing a partner before marriage - what if you are incompatible in bed? Wouldn't you want to know that before you get married and lock it all in? Just sayin'.
You need to read a lot more about herpes, though. Good luck.
You are reading content posted in the Herpes Community
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
