Newly single, what to do now ?

[whattodonow32]

First off let me say hello. I've been reading forums here for awhile and find them very informative.

Ok, here I go. Long story short. I have genital herpes. Not sure how I got it but I have it (sore test). Had it for awhile now I figure because I can remember one day waking up with a sore that went away by itself after a couple of days. That was almost 18 years ago. It stayed dormant I guess because I never had anything come back until a year ago. Stressful times then must have triggered it I don't know.

Anyway, aside from this one outbreak I never had anything else happen. I'm on valacyclovir 500mg daily and nothing ever happened. Nothing. Nada.

I was in a relationship and I told her from the start that I have that. She's cool with it and we wore condoms of course for sex. We didn't for oral sex though seeing as its almost a theoretical risk at that point. I don't think I passed it on to her oral or genital. But who knows really ?

I'm newly single and plan on going on dates. Not sure what to do now. I'm sure as hell not going to pass up on anything because of this. I'm on Valtrex 500mg daily + protection, what more can I do ??

I mean I will tell an eventual long term partner, yes. But for a one night stand ? You can catch it even while being protected. Those who have cold sores on the lips do they tell everyone they're about to kiss ?

What would you do ?

I've got to say this in conclusion. People treat this minor inconvenience as it was worse than leprosy, AIDS and the bubonic plague combined. It's not. Really not even close. So chill. There are far worse thing to be worried about than herpes.

Relax and enjoy life and don't let an inoffensive virus ruin it for you. If worse comes to worse, it's one pill a day and you'll probably never have a sore again in your life.

I didn't let it ruin mine, there's no reason it should ruin yours.

Looking forward to reading your thoughts on this.

Cheers !

[tracey2222]

It's a fake story....

[PF270]

While herpes can be little more than an inconvenience for most it can be serious for those with other health issues. I have Cystic Fibrosis and got oral HSV1 from kissing a guy who never disclosed his status. It has ruined my life as I have had severe & continuous outbreaks that spread from my lips to tongue, down oesophagus to stomach, cheeks, chin and now infected my eye (corneal ulcer) and fingers. I've been so ill I have spent time in hospital receiving IV infusions of HSV1 antibodies & lost my job. I wish I had been given the choice to avoid this disaster.

[whattodonow32]

@joshthomas

My policy is always be honest with people. In the long run, it pays more than dishonesty. You'd be surprised how people react positively to honesty. Anyway, sorry to hear about your friend and his (ex) wife. Honestly, she probably left him because of the one night stand betrayal more than anything else and it's understandable.  

[joshthomas]

One of my friend got HSV-2 from one-night-stand, and he passed it to his wife unknowingly. Finally his wife divorced him because of this. Sad story.

Always tell people you are with, and let them make their own decision.

Take care.

[Mistakeguy789]

To answer your questions.  We aren't the moral police so what you choose to tell someone is your own choice.  Though in all honesty full disclsoure would be nice.  Wouldn't you want to know if they had HSV-2 and you only had HSV-1?  Or what if they had some other STD?  One night stands while are low risk the fact is there is a risk. So in all honesty it is your choice.  

Precuations to take with HSV (you don't say which type you have genitally though I am assuming here HSV-1 genital but to error I will give you info for both) is to avoid sexual contact anytime you have anything going on genitally.  Once that has cleared up you can safely resume your sexual encounters.  Using a condom doesn't offer 100% protection as it is about 30%.  

Now because you asked what would "I" do I would tell you.  Every partner I had would know about my genital status.  A one night stand isn't worth infection or me living with the guilt that I could have transmitted HSV to an unknowing partner.  It isn't fair to them.  You said you wouldn't lie.  That infers you would need to be asked to disclose that you have an STD or anything like that.  

I wouldn't make someone ask me if I had an STD.  I would ask them but if you are willing to withhold the truth or give the person the option of opting out then in my eyes you are lying to me.  Yes HSV is a skin condition and its not that big of a deal.  But some people don't want that burden if they can avoid it.  Do people with HSV-1 orally tell people?  Sure I am sure they do.  But without an active cold sore the risk is low for transmission.  But what takes place in the transmission is what makes that risk a little lower.  

[turbo880]

yes,but probably  lats of people out there ho do that.

[whattodonow32]

Don't get me wrong, I would never lie about such a thing. Come on that would be a totally un-cool thing to do.

[turbo880]

i had that one night stand thing,i wish that i never,i been lied now i got to carry this bag all my life.i wish i had choice.i will never do that to anyone.Not a nice thing to do,its like ruin someones life for one hour sex,its compliantly wrong.in my situation person lied to me.  

[patchoulli]

YIKES!   My thought on this is that the person who passed this onto me, didnt tell me he had it (possibly didnt know).  I will not become intimate with anyone, and what difference a one night stand versus someone that I know well., without disclosing.

  Because I know I carry this virus, I feel a moral responsibility to disclose and let my partner make the choice of risking acquiring the virus or declining.  I wish I had the option, I myself would have opted out (of the one night stand).