My previous posts would indicate that the subject of contracting STDs, and specifically herpes has caused me a great deal of distress, but I've managed to attain an acceptable level of sanity, which has kept me away from this site for some time. I now go through a cumbersome process of testing myself and new partners for STDs, including herpes every time I begin a new sexual relationship. Given the statistics, I have found myself remarkably lucky to continue meeting women who do not test positive for HSV I or II.
That said, I recently began dating someone who suffers from occasional cold sore outbreaks and I'm trying to get a decent idea of my risks for contracting the virus. It seems to me that it would be a forgone conclusion that, should this relationship continue for any length of time, I would likely become infected at some point, as there really is no way to determine when asymptomatic shedding is occurring, but it appears that shedding does occur around 20% of the time.
Am I mistaken in my understanding of the statistics or is it reasonable to assume that a long term relationship with a known sufferer of cold sores would eventually result in an infection of my own...even if it causes no symptoms for me? Given my history, I don't think I have the mental makeup to handle the associated risks.
If you have a history of anxiety and go through such a cumbersome process of testing every person you date (which is not common practice for most) then why put yourself in a position to fuel your herpes anxiety by dating somebody HSV1 positive? It wouldn't be fair to the person with the virus to have to adjust the way she is around you because of your insecurities on a very common virus.
As mentioned by many of the great contributors on this forum, HSV1 sheds very little and many couples where one is HSV1+ and the other isn't can go a lifetime without infecting the other. It's not as easy as you think, but you never know at the end of the day 100% if you would always be clear of ever contracting that. Nobody can answer that and shedding % are just based on whatever studies have been conducted on the subject, which aren't many.
Reread your last sentence though. It sounds to me you already made a decision. It's not fair for the woman in this scenario to suffer because you have these anxieties and paranoia of contradicting this.
Move on and stick with the women that aren't + since it seems that's the route you rather take.