You could just have a UTI.
Urethral herpes is far more common in men than women, just because of how we're all built. Cervical herpes is more likely for women.
A primary outbreak is typically worse, if it's a true primary, meaning you don't have hsv1 or hsv2. If you have hsv1 - as many do, even without symptoms - your first outbreak of hsv2 could be milder.
Given that your symptoms really are urethral, it sounds more like a UTI.
Has your partner tested? Will he? He can get a type specific IgG blood test from his doctor. They are easy to get in the US, not nearly as easy in the UK or Canada, but some docs will give them if they say their partner is symptomatic and they need to test.