Almost certainly neither your nor your partner has a new HSV. "Melt down" is an unwarranted overreaction!
Having had genital HSV1 for years, you are immune to a new HSV1 infection, anywhere on your body. For that reason, auto-inoculation (self transfer of the virus to a new location) can occur during initial herpes but is very rare in people with longstanding herpes. And dven if you had transmitted HSV1 to your partner, you can't re-catch it from him. So you can be sure the spot at the crease of your mouth isn't HSV1 a new HSV infection. And I also doubt it's an old one. Conceivably you have had oral as well as genital herpes all these years, and happened to have your first recognized cold sore. But it's unlikely.
So I doubt you exposed your partner and sort of agree with your doctor, i.e. it's a "waiting game" to see if your partner develops symptoms of herpes. But I see no reason to expect it. Another option is for him to have a blood test. Nearly half of all adults in the US have positive blood tests for HSV1, even amont those with no history of cold sores etc. So there's a 50:50 chance he already has it. If so, then he also is immune to a new infection, even if you and he have sex when you are contagious.
I hops this has helped. Best wishes.
The only for sure information about oral hsv1 to genital from oral sex is that is on the rise. Its a fairly new realizations and people may be most infectious a few hours before a sore appears. If this was a herpes outbreak the risk would be much higher than 1 or 2% but from how your describing the irritations and location it would not really appear as herpes. Youve had them before and most often they are the same as prior outbreaks.
Theres a person at work here and the sore is always in the same spot and always looks the same. Im not saying to to confirm in fact you were not having an outbreak but just trying to put things in some perspective.
He can test at the 8 week mark as a good indicator but at this point dont be having a melt down over this.
Has he ever tested for hsv in the past? Have you had your hsv typed? The best thing to do is get blood drawn in the absence of blisters to see if either of you have been exposed.