What about the other woman/man?

[mami1323]

I used to go back and forth with whether or not the other woman was to blame.  Over time I became somewhat "obsessed" with this other woman.  Finding out what she looked like, when I saw her pic wondering why he liked her so much since to me, she was not that attractive.  I focused all my energy and anger on her, even though I know he was the one who made the commitment to me, I still had such hatred for her.  Just wondering what other's opinions are on this subject.

[lor662]

Yes maybe,,but i always treated him the same way,,he looked good when he had his affair,,he lost weight shaved,dressed better,,i liked it,,after the affair he gained it all back still looks like the same old, same old,,except personality wise,,i think he is just comfortable with me,that he feels its ok to be this way,,i told my husband i always loved him for who he was,,but he is not that anymore,,which leaves me wondering,,why i even bother,,he always tries to be better than me always,,now he is a possesive of me,,men look at me,,he trips on me,,he was never like this,,,and honestly even befor the affair,,i had second thoughts about us,,and after the affair it was just worse,,he always ran me down,,spoiled my special occasions,,with smart remarks etc..so he put me through some,,and i never cheated,,

[mami1323]

I think I can see in a way why your husband sort of looked to another woman:

"i can honestly say i found him unatractive the way he was,,but i put up with it,,and if i would say something about it he would get upset,,saying things like you think your all that, stuff like that."

Now I'm not saying this was any excuse but I think he in his man brain needed to feel good about himself again and since you might not have been attracted to him he needed to feel wanted and so she made him feel that way.  It was an ego boost for him.  So in a way, he was insecure and she made him feel secure again.  

Also, I think he's feeling possesive because he knows he messed up and now fears you may do it back to him.  

[lor662]

Yes i was also faithful,when i met my husband he took care of himself,,as years go by he let himself go,,i would buy him cologne and say look what i got on sale,,not true,,but hey i tried,,i loved him for what and who i thought he was,,i accepted him for that,,he let him self go ,gained a belly but as long as he was happy,,i did not let my self go,,for real..i can honestly say i found him unatractive the way he was,,but i put up with it,,and if i would say something about it he would get upset,,saying things like you think your all that, stuff like that,,for real when we got are sports car it tottaly whent up to his head,,for real,,he met his affair partner,,lost some weight,,etc,,i would come home from work and said wow,,where have you been,,we no longer have that car,,we have a van now,,lol now to be honest my husband is tottaly possesive of me,,he never was befor,,im still stuck though in that place with him on my part,,just cant forget it all

[mami1323]

I also know I was a good woman.  Faithful, honest, respectful.  I know for a fact I didn't deserve what I got but I know if he loses me, that's his loss and he will know it to.  I can't do anymore than I've already done.  

[lor662]

Yes you are right,,my husband is 5 feet seven,,and 202 pounds,and not muscle,,this woman he was with looked also older for her age,,more like late 40s,,and she just had one child,,her seperated husband who told me about the affair was all grey and overweight,,so maybe she was attracted to this type of man,,but to add my husband is very outgoing,,easy to like to another,,,this man also told me she was very possesive of other woman and my husband also said the same thing,,so if she would have seen me instead of hearing about me,,im sure she would have gone crazy,,so i no its not all about looks,,but remember when we met are husbands how we felt,,there is no doubt as years go by,,kids finances etc,come to play,we are not number one like befor and they are not at some level,,but thats part of the sacrafices we make,,everyday i told my husband i love you,,no matter what,,so i dont think what teko said was correct,,we did not have affair,,and we are not to blame,,long realationships and familys have there share of our lives we created with are spouse,,so the person haveing the affair made the choice to stray,,not us,,i dont need my ego boosted ,,from anyone,,i feel these woman who willingly are second to us actually send them back to us as changed men who realize what they have done,,but to us damage is what we get, disruptive lives and lost trust and sacrafices,are world is shattered cause after all we as woman sacraficed for these men,,showed us hurt and disrespect,,and now its all up to us,,we actually are given a choice now from them,,not like when they decided to go have an affair when we were not given a choice right,,cause they made it for us,,what good woman and mothers we are

[mami1323]

Oh and to add, she was 6 years older than him and looked more like 10 years older.