does anyone know the answer????

[sandy201]

Im married to a 43 year old man , we used to have sex 6 times a day, Im not expecting that 3 years later, but he has a different job, meets alot of different people etc.....his sexual stamina as I know it, is above average, verhy high, , the last year it hasdone a 360, he doesnt initate it at all.....He blames it on work. But not even romantic gestures, I feel no longing from him to me, he is just to me , for lack of a better word ,DRY! EMPTY! Emotionally and physically, but only when it comes to sex, I do not want to think of him being unfaithful, is it normal or atleast common for a man to go through phases where they'd just rather masterbate.He used to get turned on by the rub of my shoulder. A peck of a kiss. Where is he directing his sexual tension (or rather releasing) if its not with me...? Please, any man out there, is it common he could just be masterbating because he doesnt have alot of time ? He has to release that high sex drive somewhere , ya know? Please help, its been a year and a half , Ive talked to him, weve fought about it, and still nothing , Im about to go crazy with images I get in my head that he is cheating! Help

[solace21]

Hi,
   Sorry madam, after reading your new post, I tend to fall in line with your thinking.But, unfortunately, this is not the right time for you to take tension, and you should calm down yourselves at any cost. I do not believe it is masturbation either. If the lady in question is moving out of office, may be he will change. Without losing your temper, try to win his affection back if possible. I do not know, how much your anger and fighting during the initial stage might have made him drift away from you, and if that is the only reason, winning him back may be worth it. It may help if you can find a counselor to help you both. Otherwise, if the man is so volatile, I do not know what to tell you. I do not like in principle couples separating, especially, when they have children.
Best of luck for you,
Solace

[sandy201]

Thank you, Im pregnant so excuse my writing ,but my fingers are very numb at 8 months! And no this was happening way before my pregnancy, Ive already ruled that out...Ummm, listen that was great advice, but let me ask you another question, he also told me , it was the fighting too! Theres this woman that he works very close to, shes beatiful, shes married but flaunty! Anyway they after alot of research with his texts, and their phone calls its all about work, but I dont know what happens when there alone together, which cant be often cuz there are 3 other people in the office majority of the time, hes the supervisor of maintance for a large property and she is supervisor in the office, so, anyway he says my jealousy of her started the first week we moved on property, and it did, but then not even a month later w, we were fighting cuz his demeanor changed, he got more confident, less needy of me, everything changed , I pretty much called it , I knew he would chage working around someone of her nature and he became her favorite, I would even have his coworkers in the fitness center last year come up to me and say , yea sondra Ive never met two people like mark and Julie (her) so close together she just loves him ! If we need anything approved we just go to mark cuz we know julie will do anything for him blah blah blah!!! I couldnt take it anymore , we fought so much over her I ended up moving into my mothers. Still insisting he loves me he, and were going to make this marriage work he wants me back so I stay here majority of the time but technically live with my mother, I need to know hes going to change and make me feel like a woman or I cannot move back in , I will continue to think hes cheating on me. and we will fight! So as it goes now , shes moving to colorado sept 17th, and hes being nicer , the sex is still very far from what it used to be , in fact , its nothing , he says , just yesterday as I talked with him about it, give it time, are relationship has been very damaging to both of us, I understand we need a healthy sex life, but  you gotta give it time.... So solace , If he understands, and Im still feeling like its a damn chore for him just to give me a romantic kiss what should I do?  He has no problem telling me how he loves me, pecking me on the lips like twice an hour, hugging me, hes real good with all that but when it comes down to a romatic kiss or sex, it just seems to be hard for him I get so frustrated , I think to myself this man has to be either masterbating or cheating cuz he used to be all over me. I mean wouldnt keep his hands off me kinda thing , I used to feel so special, so sexy, I dont anymore. Hes never in the mood. Now Im 8 months pregnant, and havving a high risk pregnancy so I can understand we cant do much, and you know Im not the sexy small litttle thing I was 8 months ago, should I wait till after the pregnancy and give him a little more time before I say anything else to him? or keep taking this personally , hes trying but its almost like dont even try , I dont want another peck, I want to feel like a woman, thats how frustrated I am.....Oh Im so sorry for going on and on , I hope this does not hender you from writing me back, but atleast now you know theres alot more to the story and you can assess. Thank you! Sandy

[solace21]

Hi,
   Sorry to learn about your plight. One possibilty is that he has been using performance enhancing pills earlier and now stopped using it due to some physical reasons. A job can not take away the sex drive abruptly, it should have been a gradual process. Even in that case, an individual should feel concerned about it and should have let you know about it.
From a positive thinking, I feel you should do more plain talking with him, rather than fighting, and should find out if he has any health problem and concentrate on the quality of his food intake as well as exercises. May be both of you together should visit a doctor to check if he has any health issues. You should show more concern about his health rather than expecting him to work like a machine. He may have a lot of tension at work and your expectations at home may complicate it further. You may also plan a short holiday trip and see if his energies return.
Best of luck,
Solace