Just fed up... rant not a question really :o(

[MiniMin]

Hey,
I have been reading and some posting since I had my EP on the 3rd of Sept. I was 8 weeks gone. I had to have my right tube removed along with the pregnancy. Recovery has been kind in that my stitches have healed well, no major pains other than ovulation-type pains on both sides which I can control with painkillers. Slowly I have gained my energy back and ready to go back to work on Monday. I dont feel any particular emotional loss to the EP, other than saddened it had to happen. I am keep to start trying again and as such have become 'addicted' to sites such as this with uplifting success storied from other ladies. I have not bleed other than two days of very light spotting post surgery so am waiting for AF to arrive.

The thing is I am just fed up! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: Does anyone else feel this way? I have spent the past three weeks trying to figure out what could have caused the EP. I have had a chlamydia test done and am awaiting results. I have thought back to the past year to locate any pelvic discomfort or pain as a reason. I guess I am trying to figure out not only what caused it but how I can prevent it. Patience is not something I have much of so waiting 3 months is driving me insane. I am hoping work will help distract my counting the days :)

the things is- I feel as if I am so alone (though I am not alone at all). As if there is no-one who really understands or cares enough to ask. My husband seems to be carrying on as normal.I have read many womens partners and husbands have done the same- that it is their way of coping.

I feel as if he is being rather inconsiderate of what I have gone through- his lack of knowledge/ignorance of the procedure or my recovery-his ability to think I can be ok-to think his about his work as so important. He has even gone so far as to make comments about my recovery as if I am faking or exaggerating it. He made out his comment was a joke -am I being too sensitive? He made some statement the other night how his work is going to be stressful and be the death of him and I needed to be considerate and give him the time he needs. I feel that is all I have given him with our whole marriage. to cut that story short- I have been the one that has got the ball rolling on the engagement and wedding (17/4/9) of which I am still waiting on the honeymoon. We had planned to start TTC after our honeymoon but it [honeymoon] never happened because of his work or something. Then we fell pregnant and then the EP. So now I asked him to get the honeymoon sorted as it would be a nice break for us and he has done nothing. To boot he has now told me he has alot of stress' at work. Am I being rather insensitive about his stress at work? with all the engagement/wedding/honeymoon saga over the past year I have asked myself if he is right for me and now this EP is making me ask it again. I know you guys can not answer for me but I wonder if anyone else had these thoughts. I feel as if I had to go through and do it all and he gets away with nothing- carrying on with life as if nothing has happened. It's not as if these thoughts have come later on either. i started feeling them soon after my EP was removed.

It is all so confusing as I am aware I could be focusing all my EP emotions onto him and taking it out on him. Does it sound like I am doing that?

I am hoping sitting at home has exacerbated all my thoughts and going back to work will do me the world of good. The one thing we are both agreeing on is TTC as soon as we can. I have had conflicting advice on whent o start but am waiting to see how AF is when she arrives. I have not had a bad recovery post op so I hope she will be kind this time...
Thanks for thaking the time to read.. I know it is a bit self pitiful but I have been brewing about it for almost three weeks :?

Minimin

[leon0409]

Men are not pigs. You just haven’t found the right one. Men suffer too when a miscarriage happens, they just greave in a way different than ours. This doesn’t mean they are not hurting. This is a stressful time for all of us that are caught in the storm of losing a child in this way but in most cases no one is to blame, it happened and no one knows why, no doctor can give you a clear explanation and no person can make you feel better, you just have to give time to time, and you will heal but most of all have faith that in the end it will work out for the better.
Hopeful K

[annaleesmom]

take as much time as you need.  It has been about a week and a half for me, and well....  everyone here sees how much time I spend on this site.

men are pigs.  I got, "are you still upset about the baby thing?"
that was said to me 3 days after I miscarried.  The comment caused some brief hatered that I felt.  I'm trying to forget about the "negative" things that were said to me.

[leon0409]

Everything will be ok. Just have faith.
The young sailor at sea was ordered to climb a mast to adjust a sail during a violent storm. He got halfway up, looked down, got dizzy and sick. An old sailor on deck shouted up to him Look up, son, look up. Young sailor looked up, regained his composure, and completed his mission. Moral: Look ahead, not back.
~Unknown Source ~

[MiniMin]

Hey,
I want to thnak you for taking the time out to respond. I now look back on what i have read and my feelings are not so strong anymore. I did have AF this Monday gone. My first since the EP removal and so I think she had a lot to do with my mean mood.

I think we take it out on our DH/OH as they are the closest ones to feeling how we are. They also lost a pregnancy. I still have not sat down with DH and had a heart to heard. Instead I have been troweling the internet to see if I can find stuff to help us ttc again.

I have started back at work and that has helped a little. AF arriving was bittersweet. It meant we had one more AF to go before we could ttc again but also it was definitely all over with.  I have focused on trying to optimise the chances of getting pregnant again rather than the thing I can not control which is the loss. I am trying ahrd to not let my thoughts bring doubt over my future fertility.

I hope your AF has also reared her ugly head (;o) ) and you can also think about ttc again. Has your DH got any better. I noticed as soon as my moods settled my DH wasnt as bad as I made out. I now think he has just given me a wide berth to deal with what ever I needed to. He did say one night 'dont shut me out' - I realised then he was waiting to let me come to him. I hope one day i will be able to talk through it with him. for now I am still working it out for myself.

Stay in touch and wishing you all the best.

Minimin

[malarkin]

I'm sorry to her you are feeling like this. But you really are not alone. I found i had lost my baby at 10 weeks, and i was induced on September 4th.

My Husband was great, but has now wrapped himself up in work and is complaining about the stress too. Today he told me I could go out on my own as I obviously didn't enjoy myself when he was around! He has fallen into the self pitty pit - and seemingly can't get out. I am really keen to ttc as soon as possible. infact I thought thay we might already be pregnant but I think AF has arrived, might be wrong. I have wondered if I am just being over sensitive or if it is a bit of PMS and also the fact that I still think about the m/c and ttc so much.

It s so hard to continue 'normally' when you feel that you have little support and I too have questioned if he is right for me. Maybe it is just normal to feel like this while you are getting back into shape - I can honestly say, i don't know. But I really wanted to let you know that you are not alone, so keep looking toward the future and you need to make the decision that is right for you x