not+fair

[Liz010]

Every+day+I+look+around+and+I+see+women+who+mistreat+their+kids+or+drink+alcohol+and+smoke+while+preg.+I+quit+smoking,+quit+drinking+anything+but+juice+or+water+and+my+baby+was+taken+away+from+me.+Its+not+fair+that+I+done+everything+in+my+power+to+take+care+of+myself+and+my+unborn+child+just+to+have+the+joy+of+being+a+mother+taken+away+from+me+5+weeks+and+3+days+into+it.+My+family+says+that+I+should+be+grateful+that+I+didnt+see+or+hear+the+heartbeat,+that+I+didnt+get+far+enough+along+to+feel+it+move.+Either+way+that+was+my+baby+and+I+wanted+it+so+bad+that+it+eats+me+up+inside+and+out.+Should+I+feel+this+way+even+though+I+never+got+that+far+along+in+my+preg%3F+It+was+my+first+preg,+my+first+baby.+And+I+will+never+get+to+hold+it+,+it+will+never+know+that+I+loved+it+so+very+much.+Could+it+all+be+my+fault+that+it+didnt+get+a+chance+to+live%3F

[ArmyPrincess819]

I'm sorry for your loss. Part of recovering from a m/c is to feel anger and resentment. It's hard not to feel that way you see woman with all these kids and not living the clean edge life and you think why. After you have gotten through the most diffacult part of recovering from a m/c which is acceptance you will begin to look at things in a whole different light. Every woman and their bodies and babies are their own choices and up for them to decide. I remember just last yr I was pg with my youngest and I got judged so awfuly for responding to a question someone had asked it came across in my answer that is was so easy for me to get pg that all I had to was just bd and voila I would be pg. Clearly not the case it took me 2 1/2 yrs to get pg w my youngest after having 4 m/cs in 08 , and a 19 week d and e a few yrs before that along w having a m/c w my daughters twin at 14 wks. No becoming pg was not easy for me but in someone's eye who is in pain would seem that way. The grass is always greener on the other side. You just have to remove yourself from other's and their lives even if some women are not doing the right thing they are still having kids . Try to focus on you and your heart and trying to find some peace in your heart where you don't hurt so bad. it's not a easy place to be I have been there many of times. In time it gets easier and more manageable. All you can do is feel sorry for these women making horrible choices and know that at least when you were pg you kept your child safe and were a wonderful mom! You will be okay it just takes time. I'm sorry your hurting so bad . I'm always here for you if ever you need to talk!

Hugs,
AP

[lisha1201]

I know exactly how u feel. You're not alone. Dont apologize for how you feel. You are having the same feelings anybody would have if the lost their baby. Doesn't matter if it was 4 weeks or 34 weeks, its still YOUR baby. I lost my baby @ 15weeks and I think about him/her all the time. Like you I also look at women who drink, smoke,  & do drugs and wonder why. Why did this happen to me and I did everything in my power 2 have a healthy full term baby? I wouldn't take tynenol or even wear heels-lol. With all that said I came 2 the reality of why not me. Unfortunately no one will be exempt from heartache & pain here on earth. All I can say is do what u need 2 to grieve. Its not easy but it doesn't get better. Unfortunaely this type of ordeal is something u never fully get over. If nothin else you will b able 2 help comfort someone else if/wen they are faced with this horrible reality. God bless you! XOXO

[lucifaye]

I feel the exact same. i misscarried two and a half weeks ago at 12 weeks, but the baby had died around 6 weeks. Everywhere I go, I see pregnant people. I see people smacking their kids around. Kids born addicted to drugs. Hell my own mother was a chain smoking alcoholic when she was pregnant with me. But here I am. But my baby is gone and I didn't do anything wrong. I sit here and wonder, did I forget my prenatals? Was my bathwater too hot? Was that sushi I ate ONCE what did it? I know excatly how you feel and I hate it. I'm so angry and hurt and confused.

[MissingLink]

Nobody should ask you to be grateful for anything, you have suffered a loss, so this sort of comment doesn't help. Neither do comments like "there will be other babies" (no, you wanted THIS one). Just remember that they don't know what to say, but also don't realise that saying nothing would be better (Just a hug would be better hey?)

There are other ladies in here who have felt your loss intensely.

Do  not, however, waste energy on resenting others for not appreciating what they have or believing that one person deserves to be a parent more than others. It's energy that you could be putting into healing yourself.

There is nothing you could have done to change what has happened. First trimester losses are usually because of something wrong in the way the baby is forming, not something you have or haven't done. not smoking, not drinking and taking folate helps for sure, but are no guarantee of a viable embryo.

all the best over the coming days.

[Gracie0717]

You have every right to feel the way you do. Whether or not you have heard the heartbeat or feel it move, it is still a life growing inside you. And to have it taken away from you is indeed very heartbreaking. When ppl try to comfort us, they din realize that things they say might hurt us more. But truth is, you have every right to feel sad of losing something so precious.

I know what you mean when you say it's not fair that ppl who mistreat their body and baby gets to have one. I feel the same way. I m/c when I was suppose to be 10 weeks. My baby stopped growing at 9 weeks. July 19 was exactly 2  months ago since I found out my baby has stopped growing.

My dr. says there might be something wrong with it thats why it stopped growing. As I search through the internet, m/c in the first trimester is something we have no control over and there is nothing we can do to stop it from happening. I, too, like you think that is it in some way my fault that my baby did not grow? But gradually, as time pases, I have begun to accept that it is beyond my control and I am now concentrating in building my body back to health and start to ttc after next month.

Be strong. Many ladies here are more than willing to give you their support. I will be here if you need someone to talk to.

Grace