this isnt a question just need to let these feelings out, i dont really have anyone to talk to this about, my fiance is always here for me and listens i just dont think he understands.. ive had two miscarriages, one on october 18th at 8 weeks and one on january the 9th at 10weeks.. both times i had to go trough it alone, my fiance was not in the country because of his job.. he came back on the day the first time and the last time he couldnt get a flight untill the next day, the first miscarriage i had i only found out i was pregnant 4 days before it happened, i started bleeding and went to the hospital in severe pain.. they were horrible to me up there and made me wait for 5 hours in a waiting room with other pregnant women, and with people with newborns, even had to hold a 5day old baby while i was miscarrying :( i saw a doctor earlier that day and she mentioned nothing about miscarriage.. i finally got called in for a scan, i asked the nurse to wait before doing the internal scan because i was having contraction like pains every now and then but she didnt! she had to look inside before she did the scan i didnt know why, she didnt explain, but then she wiped with clasps and i nearly died when i saw.. then she said "half its gone" i literally got up and ran out of the hospital crying.. this is how i found out i was losing my baby :( nobody should ever find out like that ever.. i was completely depressed for wekks, didnt even get out of bed, untill i found out 3 weeks later that i was pregnant again, when i was 5 weeks my fiancee had to leave again, i was so upset and scared it would happen again and he wouldnt be there again. i really taught this pregnancy would work out, saw a heartbeat a 6weeks and everything.. at 10 weeks i had a brownish discharge, called my fiance he said i'd be fine and it was normal, i went to the hospital because i was so scared, they said it was normal as long as it didnt get heavier and there was no cramps.. the next day there was red blood, i was calling the hospital all day and they said as long as it doesnt get heavier than a period to just sit tight, so i did, untill about 11.30pm i started gettin unbelieveable contraction like pains and passed my baby.. called my fiancee he got the next flight he could back.. the hospital had to take the remains but they said it would only take 5 to6 weeks untill i'd get them back, i wanted a burrial.. i went to get tests a to see why i miscarried and on the 25th of april i got the results, nothing showed up, and the nurse told me there was no remains!! my hearts actually breaking :( something that meant so much to me means nothing to them :( im so depressed.. i lye in bed all day, dont want to do anything.. just want my baby :( haven't gotten pregnant since.. my fiance isnt leaving me anymore, but i just want my baby :(