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Anxiety/Depression...Feeling lonely, hopeless, and helpless.
This is not at all where I pictured my life to be at the age of 26, yet somehow it ended up this way. I thought I would have a college degree, career, husband, and kids - or some combination of those 4. Instead I have none of those and they seem impossible. Things seem to come easily for other people, not me.
Maybe it’s not even really what I want after all. Even though I’m totally unhappy with the way things are currently at least I don’t have to put myself out there and risk embarrassment, failure, and rejection. I'm scared of everything.
Even if I had the courage to move away from home and live on my own (still living with my Dad), I can’t even afford it. I can’t support myself on the salary that I make at my current job.
Staying in my “comfort zone”, while not exactly comfortable, is something I’ve spent so many years doing that I don’t know if I even have the ability or energy to change things. Maybe it’s just laziness, I don’t know.
I don’t have fun doing much of anything anymore. I went on vacation to the beach back in the first part of June. I had an okay time but I honestly would’ve been just as content had I been home alone. Nothing seems as important or means as much to be as it once did. I question every thought and emotion to the point that I’m not even sure what I think or feel anymore.
Sometimes I just feel so trapped and feel as though I’m destined to live a lonely miserable life. With the grouchiness and irritability I’ve been experiencing I’m afraid that I will push away everyone in my life that claims to care about me.
Why does everything have to be so difficult for me? How can I ever expect anyone to want to be with me when I don't even like myself? I've never been in a relationship – in fact, I’ve never even been on a single date. Tasks that are routine or simple to other people (making phone calls, going to stores, driving) are often hard for me to do.
(Exceeded character limit...Message continued below...)
Maybe it’s not even really what I want after all. Even though I’m totally unhappy with the way things are currently at least I don’t have to put myself out there and risk embarrassment, failure, and rejection. I'm scared of everything.
Even if I had the courage to move away from home and live on my own (still living with my Dad), I can’t even afford it. I can’t support myself on the salary that I make at my current job.
Staying in my “comfort zone”, while not exactly comfortable, is something I’ve spent so many years doing that I don’t know if I even have the ability or energy to change things. Maybe it’s just laziness, I don’t know.
I don’t have fun doing much of anything anymore. I went on vacation to the beach back in the first part of June. I had an okay time but I honestly would’ve been just as content had I been home alone. Nothing seems as important or means as much to be as it once did. I question every thought and emotion to the point that I’m not even sure what I think or feel anymore.
Sometimes I just feel so trapped and feel as though I’m destined to live a lonely miserable life. With the grouchiness and irritability I’ve been experiencing I’m afraid that I will push away everyone in my life that claims to care about me.
Why does everything have to be so difficult for me? How can I ever expect anyone to want to be with me when I don't even like myself? I've never been in a relationship – in fact, I’ve never even been on a single date. Tasks that are routine or simple to other people (making phone calls, going to stores, driving) are often hard for me to do.
(Exceeded character limit...Message continued below...)
Hi,
Don't give up on your dreams...Sometimes things happen just like that..out of the blue...
When I was about your age I had similar thoughts. I never believed that anybody would ever want me and that I would have a family.. Had anxiety problems at the time, too.
Depressed, resigned, overdosing the prescribed meds (with the hope of never waking up) I met my husband (also depressed ;)) We've been together for over 4 years. We have a two-year old daughter and a fairly 'normal' life.
Things like this happen so hold on to your hopes and dreams...don't give up. I needed to make some decisions and changes in my life (at 27 was still living with my mum and hated it...) Was lucky to meet some people who offered support (couldn't count on my mum either) and persuaded me that I had to move on.
I know it's really hard but try to open up to people a bit. Maybe a good therapist could help here. The same goes for the CHANGES...
As for the visit to the psychiatrist I recall having similar thoughts as you :) Don't be afraid. They are trained and should know how to make you talk.
And one more thing - I don't like myself either...well I hate myself on daily basis ...but hey my husband likes me anyway ;)
Don't give up on your dreams...Sometimes things happen just like that..out of the blue...
When I was about your age I had similar thoughts. I never believed that anybody would ever want me and that I would have a family.. Had anxiety problems at the time, too.
Depressed, resigned, overdosing the prescribed meds (with the hope of never waking up) I met my husband (also depressed ;)) We've been together for over 4 years. We have a two-year old daughter and a fairly 'normal' life.
Things like this happen so hold on to your hopes and dreams...don't give up. I needed to make some decisions and changes in my life (at 27 was still living with my mum and hated it...) Was lucky to meet some people who offered support (couldn't count on my mum either) and persuaded me that I had to move on.
I know it's really hard but try to open up to people a bit. Maybe a good therapist could help here. The same goes for the CHANGES...
As for the visit to the psychiatrist I recall having similar thoughts as you :) Don't be afraid. They are trained and should know how to make you talk.
And one more thing - I don't like myself either...well I hate myself on daily basis ...but hey my husband likes me anyway ;)
Aside from anxiety, I guess the two aren't related, I have major issues with self-esteem. While I do think counseling and medication are starting to help, I don't think I'm ever going to get to the point where I can be comfortable in my own skin. I'm so paranoid about people judging me and maybe not liking me - especially because I don't even like myself. No medication is going to give me self-confidence. What am I going to do? Everyone - from my counselor to friends and family - tell me to live in the present moment, not to obsess over the future. Well, with each passing day, it's a reminder how stuck I am and how I can't seem to change things...it's frustrating! Why is everything so difficult for me?
Sorry,because my answer is not related to the topic.how can i post a question in this forum?I do not see a button"post question"
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
I am glad to hear that you feel that things may be a little better. That is important. Like the first snowdrop blooming in the spring, while there are still patches of brown snow on the ground, it is a sign of what is coming.
This is a difficult time. You have begun to really work on things, but despite the effort that you are putting in, not much has changed.
The work that you are putting in will yield results, though.
Try, when you can, to do good things for yourself. I found an interesting webpage that you might want to look at.
http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/self-sooth.html
Since your parents seem to be unable to support you, you will have to learn how to support yourself, and how to reach out to others for support, as you are doing here.
In other words - you are doing well, you can feel proud of yourself!
This is a difficult time. You have begun to really work on things, but despite the effort that you are putting in, not much has changed.
The work that you are putting in will yield results, though.
Try, when you can, to do good things for yourself. I found an interesting webpage that you might want to look at.
http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/self-sooth.html
Since your parents seem to be unable to support you, you will have to learn how to support yourself, and how to reach out to others for support, as you are doing here.
In other words - you are doing well, you can feel proud of yourself!
Sometimes it feels like I take 1 step forward and then immediately 2 steps back. I have so much doubt as to if this is all worth it or not, counseling and medication. One minute I can tell myself things are going to be okay - the next I'm like what the heck am I doing? Knowing what I want out of life, which I'm still unsure, and being able to go for it or knowing how to get there seem impossible. It makes me so jealous to see people out and about, seemingly carefree, all the while I worry about everything. I can't stop wondering what people think about me and I never feel good enough. No one is every going to want to be with me. How pathetic is it that I'm 26 and have never been on a date? - I've been asked, I just won't go, it would be way too stressful! Seriously, how did things end up like this? I never thought I would be working at the same lousy job since I was 18. If this was a test of just straight book smarts I'd be somewhat okay, but as for being able to function in the "real world" I really don't feel as though I know how to. Going out in public, say to the grocery store, has gotten to the point that I have to just focus on what I need to get and get out of there. I can't look at anyone or I start feeling paranoid. This is so stupid, but say I wanted to get a different kind of cereal than what I typically get, I feel anxiety looking at all the different choices and trying to choose one. What is wrong with me? It's so ridiculous!
I totally understand your feelings. I was very shy as a child and anxious as a teen. I don't date either because I figure I don't do anything fun so I wouldn't have anything to talk about.
I had my first Clinical major depression when I was about 20. I couldn't function at all. Couldn't talk to people, eat, or even leave my room. Just laid in bed basically for weeks at time. I was too anxious to leave my apartment and didn't have the motivation to shower, eat, brush my teeth or even turn on the TV.
I have had low self-esteem issues for most of my life and a lot of up and downs in my moods, but the medications I am on now have eased the depression and (mostly) eliminated the anxiety. I still have some self-esteem issues that I am working on with a counselor, but when I was in my 20s I too felt very worthless and wondered why I bothered existing.
Don't give up on the therapy and medications. Most therapists have worked with many people who have the symptoms as we have, but if you find that your are not able to talk to or feel comfortable with your therapist, ask for a referral to someone else. I tried about 3 therapists before I found one I was comfortable around and eventually able to trust. I try to think of my depressions, anxiety, and self-esteem issues as symptoms of my disorder. They do not define who I am as a person or my worth as a person.
As for the meds, they are very fickle. Every medication and/or combination of meds work differently (and have TOTALLY different side effects) for different people. I tried many different meds and combinations of meds over the past 14 years. Some worked (but had side effects I wouldn't tolerate) and many didn't. I have again found something that is working for me (and without any side effects that I have noticed yet). Don't give up if one or more doesn't work for you. I understand how impossible it seems for anything to ever get better, but hang in there.
Also, if you psychiatrist hasn't informed you, it can take 4-6 for an antidepressant to show signs of improvement in your moods and feelings. It is a long process, but worth it in the end. If things get to where you are thinking about death or hurting yourself even more, there are suicide hot-lines out there. Ask your doc or therapist or find one on the internet. In the US, try 1-800-SUICIDE.
Don't let your mom or other people in your life prevent you from continuing with your treatment. People who have not had depression or anxiety don't understand what it feels like for us, so sometimes you just have to let go of those that make you feel worse for a time. At least until you are feeling more stable and in control of your symptoms.
I hope this post hasn't completely overwhelmed you, but I just want you to understand that all of us in the Mood Disorders Forum have felt the way you feel. And that doesn't make any of us less worthwhile than any "normal" person. We all understand and want to help, so keep coming back here when you need to.
I had my first Clinical major depression when I was about 20. I couldn't function at all. Couldn't talk to people, eat, or even leave my room. Just laid in bed basically for weeks at time. I was too anxious to leave my apartment and didn't have the motivation to shower, eat, brush my teeth or even turn on the TV.
I have had low self-esteem issues for most of my life and a lot of up and downs in my moods, but the medications I am on now have eased the depression and (mostly) eliminated the anxiety. I still have some self-esteem issues that I am working on with a counselor, but when I was in my 20s I too felt very worthless and wondered why I bothered existing.
Don't give up on the therapy and medications. Most therapists have worked with many people who have the symptoms as we have, but if you find that your are not able to talk to or feel comfortable with your therapist, ask for a referral to someone else. I tried about 3 therapists before I found one I was comfortable around and eventually able to trust. I try to think of my depressions, anxiety, and self-esteem issues as symptoms of my disorder. They do not define who I am as a person or my worth as a person.
As for the meds, they are very fickle. Every medication and/or combination of meds work differently (and have TOTALLY different side effects) for different people. I tried many different meds and combinations of meds over the past 14 years. Some worked (but had side effects I wouldn't tolerate) and many didn't. I have again found something that is working for me (and without any side effects that I have noticed yet). Don't give up if one or more doesn't work for you. I understand how impossible it seems for anything to ever get better, but hang in there.
Also, if you psychiatrist hasn't informed you, it can take 4-6 for an antidepressant to show signs of improvement in your moods and feelings. It is a long process, but worth it in the end. If things get to where you are thinking about death or hurting yourself even more, there are suicide hot-lines out there. Ask your doc or therapist or find one on the internet. In the US, try 1-800-SUICIDE.
Don't let your mom or other people in your life prevent you from continuing with your treatment. People who have not had depression or anxiety don't understand what it feels like for us, so sometimes you just have to let go of those that make you feel worse for a time. At least until you are feeling more stable and in control of your symptoms.
I hope this post hasn't completely overwhelmed you, but I just want you to understand that all of us in the Mood Disorders Forum have felt the way you feel. And that doesn't make any of us less worthwhile than any "normal" person. We all understand and want to help, so keep coming back here when you need to.
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