I am so angrey!

[needanswers54]

(and some more--ugh!)

I tried to explain that it takes many years to diagnose these problems.  He told me, "Too bad, that's my problem."  I am so mad I want to spit nails.  I do believe the MS or possibly Devic's diagnosis as so many doctors have been suspecting it.  I even had a notarized stated from a prominent neuro and neuropsychiatrist stating it.  I also had notarized copies of my recent tests and all the cardiac, migraine, pneumonia/ respiratory, and tremor problems that I have been having for the past 2008.  Again, he just did not care.  I told him that I guess that that meant that I would have to put my cancer testing and possible treatment on hold for his schedule and he said "Yes".  I feel like going to the media.  I have felt so invalidated over the years from disbelief about my medical problems.  I am also the victim of a rape, pregnancy and miscarriage at that job.  Then, someone must have violated my HIPPA rights and told about my D&C after losing my baby.  The doctor labeled it a missed abortion and the people kept hissing "abortionist" to me when I would walk by them at the plant.  It was so awful.  I am first starting to be able to talk about it as I had been threatened by that powerful employer and as I had had custody problems with my ex in the past and did not want this thrown into the mix (especially after the school thought that he was sexually abusing my child.  My child ended up having surgery and could have died. ) The court did nothing but give my ex more rights.  Finally, my son decided to hitchhike 100 miles home in subzero weather with his asthma from his father's.   My son has finally stood up to him.  Now, that he is a man he has a casual relationship with his father.  I wanted him to mend as a person and retain his masculine identity.  I never started any of that situation.  I did everything I could to protect my son and help him heal.  My ex kept trying to say that my boyfriend (who was an MD) was abusing my son.  I lost my serious relationship with him over that.  I had to put my son before my needs.  But, that does not mean that I was not hurt.  I have submerged all these feelings all these years.  I thought that I was dealing with them fine.  I kept working.  It was after all the discrimination and threats and loss of my health that I am so angry because this is bringing everything to the forefront.  I tried some counseling.  And I am trying to heal--one day at a time.  

I testified in federal court against my employer to change the laws to protect everyone in this country.  This included items with our homeland safety as well.  I should have been protected by the law.  Instead I was further threatened.  I was told I would be black-balled the rest of my life.  I had evidence to substantiate things.  I have been dealing with all this and my injuries and my illnesses and being in a natural disaster and losing my Father.  And this judge tells me that it is all my problem and that I have had enough time.  Well, I am still trying to figure out all my medical problems.  How dare he put  a timetable on the amount of time I should have had my MS figured out by!!!  The original judge from the trial thought I had lupus and I had high ANAs.  I probably has MS at the time.  

The other judge finally said, "Yeah, but the MS came on since your latest injury.  And I said probably not.  I said I know for sure it was there after the latter injury.  But, there is evidence to indicate that their were health problems that may have been MS during the time of this injury and after the other exposures as well.  They just said sorry...You do have so many problems and we did not know.  Okay, so now you do know...and yet you are punishing me for it when I did not even have the answers at the last hearing and I still do not have them all.  One judge told me that I should be able to get into a neuro, get tests, and have all answers and be ready for court in a month's time.  

The attorney general said that she did not have a problem with making me an offer but that she could not complete it in the twenty days that the judge is giving her to resolve even the now lower offer she could now probably give me.  The judge just said "Too bad..."

I am so angry that it has taken so long for my illness to be diagnosed.  I am so angry that people would not give me my records and that the law does nothing to them for not answering the subpoenas.  I am so angry about not being validated.  And when you are pushed to the wall, it all just avalanches and people just take advantage of you even more.  And then they think that you are lying or crazy because all these "actual" things happened to you.  There must be something wrong with you.  Well, yes, I have physical limitation and disabilities.  But, I am still an individual with feelings, and hurts, and pains--and yet trying in my heart to forgive and continue to contribute to society.  I just wanted my permanent disability and settlement so that I could get on with my life.  

I have lost my licensed vehicle andmy stove, frig, freezer, and washer have broken.  My computer is fried.  I am at the end fiscally.  I could not make my house payment this month.  I have MS it appears.  The government keep losing my medicare and medicaid.  And the medical profession takes their good old time and the judges do not care.  

I would get better understanding if I were a criminal.  I do not wish to sound like a victim.  I want to be strong.  But, I am tired of being pushed into the #$%^ and then having my face rubbed in it.

Sorry for all the anger.  I will go pray to God now.  I should have done that first.  People just do not understand how hard the invalidation of living with this disease without a diagnosis is...And it is hard living with it, too.  I just wanted a chance to get my life back and to regain most of my dignity and be helpful to others.

I know that this probably sounds crazy.  But, it is the truth (unless I made some weired typo errors.)  I am crying.  I must go now.

Thanks to all of you for being there for me........

Torey

[Momzilla]

bump

[LLWB]

I don't know all of your story. Do you have an attorney? You can get one from Legal Aid for free. It sounds like you need one to help you straighten out this mess. I am sorry sorry that we can't be there to physically hug you and just let you cry it all out.  God will give you strength when you run out.

Hugs & Prayers
Maggie

[Momzilla]

Oh, Torey!  How maddening!  I am SO sorry for what you're going through!  It's so unfair!!

I don't know what to say.  I wish I knew more about all this.  What a mess.

I wonder if you can appeal, after getting help from the National MS Society.  I bet they have resources for you.  Someon'es GOT to make this right.

I'm so soryy, and I'm spitting mad, right along beside you.

Long hug,

Zilla*