Aa
Be honnest am i loosing my mind?
In the last few days i've felt flat, no energy, lots of my cognitive issues from the last episode are starting to get noticable again, not that it all went away but just more managable than when in an episode. I'm doing my best to ignore them but today i'm not even typing right, again throwing in letters that shouldn't be there, each word needing to be retyped, nouns losses are getting worse, speach filled with blanks etc.
I think i might not be making sense, i even look at my posts and think who wrote or read posts and i know i've research that but cant locate it in my mind or even my files lol. The tremor is is just becoming visible, though its still mild and i really dont think i'm functioning right, or even enough to trust my self.
I'm still not depressed, still laughing like i always do, i'm tuning out way to much though and i dont like it one little bit. Trying to disipline my son about making wrong choices and the blighter went into a rendition about suphrajets (sp) i went from wanting to rip his head off to laughing hysterically in less than 2 seconds. Times like that makes it more confronting to what i'm loosing, my mind, how long is it going to be before i just dont understand him anymore. I'm only just able to get the depth of his insight, he's very smart and i'm home schooling him because school cant give him the education he needs, not their fault he's just too far outside the box. Today it seems to be way to hard.
so here i am asking if you've noticed a difference, even though it seems a bit loopy to ask, i still need to know because i suppose if i feel confused by me, well why wouldnt you be. I stay connected for many reasons, though i'm wondering if i need a time out, i feel the pull of an episode beginning and i dont know how to stop it.
Cheers.............JJ
I think i might not be making sense, i even look at my posts and think who wrote or read posts and i know i've research that but cant locate it in my mind or even my files lol. The tremor is is just becoming visible, though its still mild and i really dont think i'm functioning right, or even enough to trust my self.
I'm still not depressed, still laughing like i always do, i'm tuning out way to much though and i dont like it one little bit. Trying to disipline my son about making wrong choices and the blighter went into a rendition about suphrajets (sp) i went from wanting to rip his head off to laughing hysterically in less than 2 seconds. Times like that makes it more confronting to what i'm loosing, my mind, how long is it going to be before i just dont understand him anymore. I'm only just able to get the depth of his insight, he's very smart and i'm home schooling him because school cant give him the education he needs, not their fault he's just too far outside the box. Today it seems to be way to hard.
so here i am asking if you've noticed a difference, even though it seems a bit loopy to ask, i still need to know because i suppose if i feel confused by me, well why wouldnt you be. I stay connected for many reasons, though i'm wondering if i need a time out, i feel the pull of an episode beginning and i dont know how to stop it.
Cheers.............JJ
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Thanks for that, i did really expect you to say 'yep i've noticed you've started spouting rubbish at the speed of light, go stand in the corner.' lol Maybe you'd of noticed it more if i was posting without rewriting everything, im useing b instead of p and lots of other things, very dyslexic lately.
I have been pushing the physical, helping to move 3000+ bricks, the longer i helped the worse my balance and the more fudgie my brain got. I'm still having trouble "not" doing things, its alway fine in the first few minutes (lol) then i start loosing the plot, robotic, fighting it, not giving in and constantly compensating so i can keep 'pretending' i'm alright. No one is making me do things, just me and my stuborn self lol.
A part of me is pushing the envelope because officially there is nothing wrong with me, so technically i should still be able to do all the things i've always done, I know that I cant do things like i could a year ago, but still I try hoping i suppose that this time will be different, though it never is. Maybe next time, right?
Little things are slipping, eyeballs bouncing when i close my eyes, tremor mild but there, dropping things too often again, nouns slipping, brain cells dripping out my ears, fatigue starting to get ugly, gagging just brushing my teeth, tripping, my stop suddenly thingy is making me wobbly and the list goes on and on and on.
New thing would you believe, playing some science game with Loch and i couldn't see the number 6 in the sight test thing, seems i've somewhere dropped the ability to see green and red correctly. Funny, it was fine 18 months ago, my dad was colour blind so i know the tests well, i could of misplaced this in my last episode but cause i've only just discovered it, i'm calling it new. All's good, my arms are still attached lol!
Anyhoooo, thanks for NOT noticing my brains playing up, everything here is going great, lots of fun things happening, new wakeboat so i dont have to get strapped onto the back of the jetski anymore, which wasn't a good idea but the only way i could do it. Should give me some more strength time, get me back on the wakeboard for longer, but i'll give it a miss for the time being. I do think i'm going to have to take a step back and re-energise, more time needed before i'll be able to push my self again.
Cheers........JJ
I have been pushing the physical, helping to move 3000+ bricks, the longer i helped the worse my balance and the more fudgie my brain got. I'm still having trouble "not" doing things, its alway fine in the first few minutes (lol) then i start loosing the plot, robotic, fighting it, not giving in and constantly compensating so i can keep 'pretending' i'm alright. No one is making me do things, just me and my stuborn self lol.
A part of me is pushing the envelope because officially there is nothing wrong with me, so technically i should still be able to do all the things i've always done, I know that I cant do things like i could a year ago, but still I try hoping i suppose that this time will be different, though it never is. Maybe next time, right?
Little things are slipping, eyeballs bouncing when i close my eyes, tremor mild but there, dropping things too often again, nouns slipping, brain cells dripping out my ears, fatigue starting to get ugly, gagging just brushing my teeth, tripping, my stop suddenly thingy is making me wobbly and the list goes on and on and on.
New thing would you believe, playing some science game with Loch and i couldn't see the number 6 in the sight test thing, seems i've somewhere dropped the ability to see green and red correctly. Funny, it was fine 18 months ago, my dad was colour blind so i know the tests well, i could of misplaced this in my last episode but cause i've only just discovered it, i'm calling it new. All's good, my arms are still attached lol!
Anyhoooo, thanks for NOT noticing my brains playing up, everything here is going great, lots of fun things happening, new wakeboat so i dont have to get strapped onto the back of the jetski anymore, which wasn't a good idea but the only way i could do it. Should give me some more strength time, get me back on the wakeboard for longer, but i'll give it a miss for the time being. I do think i'm going to have to take a step back and re-energise, more time needed before i'll be able to push my self again.
Cheers........JJ
You put into words my own fears and wonderings. I don't know if this makes sense, but I have been trying to figure out why I am having trouble reading books, rereading lines, typing wrong words, letters and such. I realized recently that I am having very fine tremors. So, if I am reading a book and holding it in my hand, the tremors make my eyes bounce up and down lines.But, if I set the book on a table and it is steadied, I can read much better. Does anyone else have times when you know the word you want to say, but bumble it, mix half of the right word with another totally different word?
Trust me: there are many people who seem much nearer to losing their minds than you seem from where I stand. Oh, wait, I'm sitting. You know what I mean.
JJ,
All of us have those times when it feels like nothing is clicking right. One thing I do know is the more we push ourselves to think clearly and process the cog stuff correctly, the worse it becomes.
There is that huge pressure side to performing - a strange form of performance anxiety, perhaps. Be kind to yourself and stop doubting your abilities - from this side of the pond it sounds like you're still all there.
my best,
Lulu
All of us have those times when it feels like nothing is clicking right. One thing I do know is the more we push ourselves to think clearly and process the cog stuff correctly, the worse it becomes.
There is that huge pressure side to performing - a strange form of performance anxiety, perhaps. Be kind to yourself and stop doubting your abilities - from this side of the pond it sounds like you're still all there.
my best,
Lulu
It's not noticable on this end. Though I can totally relate to what you describe. You re-read something and think what the fart....
Think we do a good job of hiding it ?? Or don't we...ha/ha...
I think you are terrific as usual and will take you flat (that was a good descript.) anyday.
(((hugs)))
shell
Think we do a good job of hiding it ?? Or don't we...ha/ha...
I think you are terrific as usual and will take you flat (that was a good descript.) anyday.
(((hugs)))
shell
I don't think you are losing your mind but you might be experiencing the cognitive effects of Ms. I found this post from Doni that explains al ot and I know there is info in the Health Pages regarding this too.
The link: http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Multiple-Sclerosis/MS-and-Cognitive-Issues-that-effect-personality/show/768590
As you can see I'm not in top form lately either. too much going on with a sick DH and now a sick son. but in short, no your NOT going crazy..if you are save a place for me in the padded room because then I am too, lol.
Take care of yourself. I know personally, dwelling on the the mistakes I make only increases the anxiety and then the symptoms.
Hugs to you my dear,
Ren
The link: http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Multiple-Sclerosis/MS-and-Cognitive-Issues-that-effect-personality/show/768590
As you can see I'm not in top form lately either. too much going on with a sick DH and now a sick son. but in short, no your NOT going crazy..if you are save a place for me in the padded room because then I am too, lol.
Take care of yourself. I know personally, dwelling on the the mistakes I make only increases the anxiety and then the symptoms.
Hugs to you my dear,
Ren
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