Cane Anyone??

[tonyad]

    Well, today was the First day I used a cane in public.
Am I shallow for saying that I felt quite embarrased?  Although I NEVER look at nor think anything ill of anyone I see using a cane.....Never give it a second thought!  why do I feel this way?

     It most certainly helped me w/ my balance (as I tend to tip to the right) Now I just look like a drunk swinging my cane around. Lol   It also seemed to help with being able to hit a couple more isles than usual in the store.
Perhaps it is a few different feelings.......let me say right first off, that I am NOT Vain.....But I do need to add that that darn cane will not look "Cute" w/ a new pair of jeans and a REALLY cute top to match..let's not forget those ever so stylish shoes that complete the outfit. (ha,ha)

    OK guys, all kidding aside, Please tell me how you feel or have felt when using a cane. I truly felt so embarrased and like everyone was (ok well not everyone) was looking at me thinking..."Whats her deal". she looks fine....."(That cane does NOT match her outfit")..
    
    I did cry in the car even though I keep trying to make lite of it. I know this post probably reads as though I am being a smart butt or whatever, but I guess me trying to laugh at it instead of cry as I am typing this helps in some weird way. :) Maybe another part of Reality is Hitting me?

Thanks for helping w/ your wonderful answers and advice that you will share with me.
~Tonya

[PastorDan]

My cane's been with me as much as my wallet and keys, maybe more, for well over a year.  I bought a black one to tell myself it would be inconspicuous.  When I look at our wedding pictures, it is the first thing I see.  At times I forget it, go upstairs to brush my teeth, then panic inside as I reach the top of the stairs to come back down.  That's what handrails are for, I suppose, as well as why the wall on the side opposite the handrail is developing a streak from where my hand uses it as an additional reference point by which to navigate.  The "comes & goes" aspect of this yet-unnamed malady drives me up the wall, some days.  I'm fine one (too rare) minute and banging into bookcases (thanks for the mental pic, JJ!) the next.

I'm trying to teach Bandit & Annie how to help me find where I left the thing.  "Cane" doesn't sound like much else we want them to understand, so it might actually work.  Wish me luck.

When you buy a red car, you begin to notice all the red cars on the road.  I notice canes in the stores now.  Loretta had one with pink roses coverinig the shaft, but she quickly gave it up for a black one with four rubber feet.  She needed something with some oomph to it.  I saw one at Kroger recently, gray shaft with Ohio State logos from top to bottom.  A church member friend offered to get me a hand carved wooden one to match his, but I concludedd he's just a bit more relaxed Appalachian in style than I feel comfortable seeming -- to myself.  (No offense meant to any of my dear Appalachian friends.)

All things considered, Tonya, it sounds to this old preacher like you've run the gamut, and reached a healthy perspective, intellectually.  Now, to transfer that into the emotions...  Yeah, you will, in time.  It's just one more thing over which we have no control.  Life's easier when we realize how little that really is, and just let it all go into the hands of the One in charge.

[NiCeeGlover]

I totally understand!
It was all I could do to walk from the front porch to the car with my walker!
I felt so terrible. I told myself to swallow my pride and put my head up. I did put my head up, but I still felt embarrassed! I know I can't walk with out it and the next choice is my wheel chair. I have such a hard time accepting the fast pace down hill changes all in just 7 months!
But I am also happy days that I don't have vertigo and can walk a little more even if it is with my walker! I WISH I could use a cane instead of my ugly walker!
I haven't figured out how to make this silver thing funky ,pretty or cool yet!!! LOL

It's ok to have moments of feeling bad... We wouldn't be real if we didn't.
Good Luck Hon!

Ps JJ You just made my day! Thanks for being a funny LADY!! Hugs!! NiCee

[Celery47]

I would totally still notice your cute clothes!  A cane wouldn't get in the way of that :)  

And you're definitely not being a "smart butt."  I mean, this is hard, right?  Like, dropping the pretense in front of everybody, showing them that "yes I could use some help when I walk."  But really - if anyone cares - well you can just tell them to suck it, right?  Haha, oh dear; I'm sorry, this might not be what you need to hear right now at all... it's just, I think whenever I get feeling low in front of other people, this little bit of attitude comes rearing up and it really helps me.  Like -

Well, a couple months ago I woke up unable to walk without a crutch, and I was walking up the hill to school.  There was some construction going on, and most of the workers were super nice!  But, there was this one flagger lady - she was standing in the middle of the gravel sidewalk with her sign and and her coffee on the ground by her feet.  And as I came crutching up, she ignored me... and kept ignoring me, like, craning her head away, just standing there, so I had to crutch into the ditch - haha, so in my head I used my crutch to swipe over her coffee :)

Little things like that.  Haha, maybe this is terrible - but, like, if some old guy gave me a funny look because I'm this girl with no broken bones and a crutch - well, the bad-attitude part of me imagines running up and whacking him behind the knees!  And I feel a lot better :P  

I don't know if that will help.  I think you've got a full excuse, though, for going through a rough patch right now.  Laughing is good, but no one could hold it against you if you want to cry this out too!  I mean, just because it IS a big change... I think an internal one way more than external.  Reality hitting, like you said?  I don't know.  I'm wishing you the best! :)  I'm glad that it's helping out a bit with your balance.  Erm, and if anybody gives you and your new cane a look - give em a nice big whack for me, okay? :P  

Wishing you well -

Celery

[supermum_ms]

Well I have an idea to distract wayward glances towards your cane, ready for it.... A flashing emergency becon, something to draw their eyes upwards :-) lol

I've had to use my cane, its a fold up, though i dont anymore due to not going out with out someone to lean on, i avoid walking with my mother cause she just knocks me over more than i do myself. Funny 2 seconds ago i just did a lovely sideways walk into the bookcase, thought i'd got away with it, looking at the books like i meant it but dh was in laughter, sprung! Last week the cheeky monkey compared my walking to his 75 yr old mother and then handed me an add for a rolling thingy (oops lost my words again), in exasperation i said "to just shoot me, they do for horses" but he said "yeah but those horses walk better" FOFL!

Sorry cant stop thinking funny thoughts, i left vain back when i was walking like a string puppet, lost it since dh had to pick me up and carry me cause he couldn't stand to see me fighting each step and there is nothing like being in a supper cool wakeboat and you have to be carried like a dead whale, yep all the supper hunky cool people are staring, so not cool! Lost it when i had to go hunt down the wayward son, jerk after jerky step into his private school, honking traffic as i made my way across the main road, had to face the principal cause i was too scared to try getting my self up the 2 flights of stairs, yep cried like a baby all the way home.

I dont know, but i'm sort of thinking about making it a fashion statement, i know someone who uses 2 trecking sticks because it gives him more balance, now that looks odd in the supermarket. Each to there own i say, well how else do i explain my brother wearing a bright green valuer tux, ruffled shirt and matching bow tie, i suppose i could lend him to you, no one will even notice your there if he's by your side lol!

Sending happy thoughts!!

Cheers.........JJ

[Sparkysarah]

No-one will be looking at your cane hon..but your lovely smiling face.  Get yourself a cane that you like..mabye a funky pretty one. I guess it feels strange using one as it is somethng we all associate with getting old..unless you have MS when it is any age.There is no point us all saying don't worry no-one will notice..it's about how you feel and I think there is a little bit of feeling judged by others, in all of us. So it's good to have a cry ..it is another stage and it's about accepting that you need some help. have a lovely weekend

Love Sarah x

[rendean]

Dear Tonya,

I have to use a cane on certain days and certainly understand your feelings. You feel as if "everyone" is staring at you, especially if , like me your hand strength is also poor and you lose control of the darn thing.

When I went to NY for the day with my daughter recently (up 23 hours straight) I took my cane. It was a godsend!!! Halfway through the day I was leaning on that cane for all it was worth. Heck , if someone had tried to rob me, I would have gladly given up my backpack but NOT my cane.

It is an invaluable tool for the days when the legs just have to have their way and refuse to to do as they're told.  I also cried when I first began using my cane. I needed to climb the hill in front of my office building. I have two canes, one is folding. That's the one I used at work so when I got to level ground I would fold up my cane and try my best to walk with out veering to the left unexpectedly.

The cane does make me feel conspicuous but not as conspicuous as traveling through the JFK airport in a red transport chair as the attendant knocked over people right and left and there I sat holding my cane looking ashamed. But, without my cane I could not have made the day trip with my daughter. The memories made that day were priceless and worth every bit of humiliation.

Heck, when my DH asked for my handicapped placard on the first visit that resulted in a dx, I cried all the way home. I cried every time I had to use it for about 6 months. Now,  I see it as a tool to help me get through my day. An asset to lead a "normal" life. Hopefully soon, I will reach that same calmness about my cane.

It's an adjustment and it does take some time to get used to. but, with out my cane I am sure I would have fallen in public and made an even bigger scene when I hit the floor on more than one occasion. Yes, it's a reality check but it's minor compared to those who are totally immobile.

Take some time for yourself to get adjusted to the cane and if you are confident then others around you will not give the cane a second glance. It's the stumbling around with no control that draws more attention , not the cane that provides such vital support.

I hope you get comfortable with its use soon. It truly is a very helpful tool and will even get you a seat in the subway during rush hour :-).

Take care,
Ren