Advice

[lala2011126]

I have been dating a man with MS for a year, he told me about his MS on the first date.  He was diagnosed 11 yrs ago. He is going through some very difficult moments and he told me that the best thing for us is to separate because he is protecting me and does not want to drag me into his sadness and depression.The thing is that he is still contacting me everyday and I dont know what to do. We had made plans that he was going to move in with me. We were going to save money and move close to the coast. That all changed , his ex-wife is moving because of work issues. The thing is that one of his sons does not want to move. So he is staying for his son to finish high school. I understood and told him that I would go visit him and just wait for his son to graduate. He feels his ex-wife has ruined his plans.
He tells me he is not going to communicate with me anymore but he does. I had told him a few days ago that I cared for him and that we would be able to tackle anything life would toss at us. He told me to stop and to find happiness.
We have had similar incidents but he always came around but not this time. I do not know what to do or say to him anymore.If I mention to work things out he tells me to stop. When I act indifferent he keeps telling me I am letting you go, I want you to find true happiness,I just didnt believe I was the one to give it to you. Any advice will be helpful.
              

[lala2011126]

Again thank you so much for the advice. As the hours are passing I am becoming stronger emotionally and I feel the me is emerging. I was just so confused about the whole situation. Thanks

[saucygrl]

MS can really throw a wrench in your life, but when I was diagnosed I really let my thinking center around what was important to me.  There was so much I felt I HAD to do.  I finally asked myself WHY?  My energy is more limited than it was before so I make every bit of it count for the important things.  Depression is definitely one of my symptoms, but I saw my GP to try and take care of it.  Sounds to me like he's spending too much time throwing pity parties for himself instead of looking at the positives that still exist in life.

My advice:  RUN!  You can't "save" someone who doesn't want to be saved!

Chris

[twopack]

I agree.  The situation as you tell it here has little to do with MS.  The disease complicates lots of stuff but it doesn't break up relationships that would have otherwise sailed into beautiful sunsets.

I sensed manipulation, testing and blame rather than compassion or love in what you described.  One of you may be committed to endure but success in relationships usually requires responsibility and reasonable committment from more than 50% of those involved.

Only you can decide what you want from life and relationship but I'd sure recommend developing a time line and firm action plan if you expect to be living your ideal in the future.

Mary

[Hilary1966]

Hi there,
I am an ms sufferer and I suggest if this guy uses his illness as an emotional crutch,turn and run in the opposite direction or you will live a
Iife of emotional turmoil.This guy is afraid to change from his comfort zone and although he wants you it sounds like he is afraid to commit,blaming others for a situation is just a cop out.Best of luck with whatever you decide but just rem you wouldn't be asking this question if you hadn't doubts,trust your instinct always.

[lala2011126]

Thank you so much for the advice. I greatly appreciate it. When one is emotionally involved it is hard to think clear.

[SarahL2491]

I'm not hearing (in-between the lines) that this is an MS issue but more of a personal and emotional issue with him.  Just a girls point of view, who's been around the block a few times

[kwarendorf]

I would accept his offer to stop seeing each other. This means that you stop taking his calls, responding to text/email messages. There should be no communication whatsoever.

Having MS can be a real pain in the A SS, but it does't mean the your life has to stop. From your description, this guy has a lot more than MS to figure out before he is "dating" friendly. Don't feel guilty because he has MS.

Just one man(with MS)'s opinion.

Kyle