Gay, homosexual, I'm starting to think I'm alone...

[AdamJames25]

Okay I just found this site, and I'm noticing that gay men aren't normally MS patients.  I've tried other sites and found the same thing.  I am involved in a LGBT organization.  I just find this interesting, if I'm wrong say "Hi" it would be nice to know I'm not the only gay man with MS.

[ANonnyMouse]

Hi Adam,

I'm not a gay man (obviously!) but I would think that since men are already the minority in MS statistics, then gay men with MS would be even less common?

[Sumanadevii]

I can assure you that you are not the only gay man in the world with MS.  Why this is an issue for you, I have no idea.  Your sexuality has nothing to do with MS.  Where you noticed that gay men aren't normally MS patients is beyond me.  There are plenty of them.

Me thinks you come to stir pot.

[essdipity]

Hello again.

I believe there are gay men and women on this forum, because that kind of thing comes up occasionally in discussing our everyday lives---Just as we discuss our marriages, kids, etc. However, that is not the focus of this forum.

I think your best bet would be to post as well on gay sites, where everyone has that in common, and ask for responses from MSers. I'm not sure what percentage of men are gay, but I'm guessing 5%. Correct me if I'm wrong. It is said that one in 750 Americans has MS, but that includes the whole population. Two out of three of these, approximately, will be women. There are a lot of other factors not considered here that make MS more or less likely, but you get the idea.

No wonder it's not easy to find a small number out of a large number, particularly considering that only a certain percentage of all people want to post on internet sites. So that's why you should concentrate on sites where there are gay men who do.

Here it is tough enough just dealing with MS issues, and we'd be glad to discuss yours with you, including any info you have about HIV together with MS. Perhaps there are members here who will contact you privately about gay MSers. I hope so.

ess

[sllowe]

Saying Hi, like you say, your definitely not the only one for sure.

Please do tell us how your getting along with your MS. When were you dx'd? How'd you get dx'd, etc.

Spill if your comfortable to !
-shell

[Sumanadevii]

Speaking of wanting to find a site that will cater to my needs, it is hard to find one where there is an MSer that is sympathetic dominatrix.  It hasn't been easy for me either over the last year.  So, I guess I do understand where you are coming from....

[HoustonDogLove]

Adam-
If you're looking for  GLBT geared site. I noticed the other day that on MSworld there's a GLBT message board.
http://www.msworld.org/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=90

Sumana- I could be your sympathetic Dom

We come from all walks of life, I haven't shown all my kinks and quirks.

[Lulu54]

Greetings - I hope you will find the conversations and information here of interest and you will stick around to learn more, especially about our very diverse community.  

there is an MS discussion board, specific to GLBT issues.  It is located on the UK MS forum...........

http://www.mssociety.org.uk/applications/discussion/view.rm?post_id=241145

Another one here in the US is on the NMSS site  - MS World

http://www.msworld.org/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=90



I would check them both out and see which might fit your specific needs better.  I love the UK folks but they really are a bit reserved so the US board might be better.....

I'm not quite sure how the HIV/AIDS part of this discussion got introduced, but I think that is not relevant to our daily fight with MS.  

Good luck - I hope you find what you are loooking for here and there!

be well, Lulu

[essdipity]

Lu, this new member also posted about MS and HIV--------

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Multiple-Sclerosis/MS-and-HIV/show/1447574

ess

[Lulu54]

I missed that one - I'll have to check it out..............

[anon07072023]

Hi...
Would you consider any gay women?  :-)
There are a few of us LGBT on this board, some are out, some are not out, yet.  
If you have any issues, I'm sure most everyone here, gay or straight, are willing to help and support you. Since supposedly only 10% of the population is gay, of course we're going to have a lower representation on the forums.

I hope you feel comfortable here...
-Kelly

[Sumanadevii]

Sorry, I can't keep up with all the offers ...lol

My point is...MS has nothing to do with our sexuality.  I guess I could start a thread, "Straight, heterosexual" ....is that advertising?  I doubt any here care if they are speaking to a gay person or a hetrosexual...or what preference.  None of us are immune to the suffering of diseases.  Our sexual preference won't make a difference on this board.  Like you said, we all have our kinks and quirks.  What brings us together is the MonSter we fight daily.  

I do hope AdamJames feels welcome but I hope he learns not to think his sexuality blocks him from being part of this forum or makes his suffering more/less than others on this board.  We are all in the same boat.

[twopack]

The theme here has always been: THE ONLY DUMB QUESTION IS THE ONE YOU DON'T ASK.  It sounds like you have made a lot of assumptions about this member.  We may all be equal (in the same boat).  We are not all the SAME.  Sometimes, the differences are important in ways not all of us understand.

MS has much to do with EVERY part life.  Specifics of a persons life can make a real difference in responses when responders take a moment to really listen to what is being said.

I'm glad this poster feels comfortable enough with himself to get right to the point.  Why would anyone "advertise" (here of all places) for someone he already has in his life?  I believe he is looking for someone who understands living with MS from a situation that feels very unique.  Many members here look for that same type of connection.

Besides, his question posted in a separate topic mentions real concerns about potentially adding an immune deficiency disease to an existing autoimmune disease.  That's not only important, it's an intriguing question that could impact any of us with MS some time down the road.

Hoping you understand that your opinion is valid, it's just not the ONLY opinion and could have a better chance of being understood if it wasn't cloaked in rudeness or sarcasm.

Mary

[DAB1955]

Bravo!

[twopack]

Welcome to our MS community.  I've had my own times of feeling very alone and I'm a married woman with children and knew a few people with MS before I ever joined here.

I hope you find enough support here to know there are people who care and decide to stick around.  I look forward to getting to know you better.

Mary

[addicted2harleys]

Very well said, Mary.  You wrote what I was feeling and couldn't figure out how to express it.  

MS does affect many peoples sex life...no matter what orientation they are.  And I think Adams feelings and questions are valid.  Feeling alone while trying to figure out some scary health issues is not fun for anyone.  

On another note, what does LGBT stand for?

Adam, welcome to our forum.  I hope you stay here...this truly is a wonderful forum.  

Hugs,
Addi

[doublevision1]

You have gotten good advice from some of the members here.  I think your question is a valid one; as a gay man you are statisically more likely to contract HIV, and you are worried about what complications that might add to your situation.   However you know what you need to do to avoid HIV so I wont preach to you.  I know lots of gay men but none with MS - as far as I know anyway.  However I do have a very close friend who is HIV+ and has numerous other health issues incl Type 1 diabetes.  He suffers multiple symptoms and is no longer able to work.  One of the biggst challenges for him is figuring out what may be causing a particular symptom, as symptoms of his various conditions often overlap.  This makes some symptoms very difficult to treat.  Any disease on its own difficult enough, so I hope you do all that you can to protect your health.  And I understand your feeling alone; of course you are seeking people with similar experiences and challenges as your own.  I hope you can disregard the flippant coments and focus on the supportive ones.  

[Sumanadevii]

Again, different perspectives and opinions.  I respect what you have said and remain firm on my own belief.  It is nice to have the freedom to disagree with respect.

[anon07072023]

Hi Addi,

LGBT is an acronym for Lesbian, Gay, Bi-Sexual, Transgendered.

And thanks for your supportive posts including, twopack (Mary) and doublevision1.

-Kelly

[addicted2harleys]

Thanks for schooling me.  :) I figures out the LG but was stumped on the BT.  

[cainer]

  hi!!  welcome!!  im not gay- but i like men too!!  im female,
but really you are still hurting with this crap like the rest of us, i hope you can find some peace here!  tick  -

[Sparkysarah]

I just wanted to say hello and that I hope you will already have found on this forum that there are many non judgmental folks who will offer you support, friendship and advice. I can understand that you wish to find out and connect with someone else who is gay and has MS and sorry that I cannot help here as I am married with a family. I therefore think it is difficult for me to step into your shoes and see things from your perspective as I do not have that experience. However I do have MS and with that we all share something in common. I would therefore just like to say that you are so very very welcome on this forum, thank you for your honesty and hang around here - there are many of us who are very happy to offer support.

Cheers for now

Sarah

[Jepster]

As a gay woman, I do actually completely see where Sumanadevii is coming from, as I too wonder exactly the same thing... is sexuality relevant when looking for support when it comes to MS? My answer is, I just don't know.

For people whose lives have been affected in so many ways through being gay, e.g.

   Being disowned by the natural support network of a family;

   Being single and suffering with a debilitating chronic illness and with little chance to get
   out to groups to meet other gay people (as I guess many straight people wouldn't ever
   think how difficult it can be for gay people to find other gay people, especailly in
   areas where being gay is not at all acceptable);

   Being victims of homophobic abuse etc,

then being gay has almost certainly had a large effect on forming who they are as a person, and the way they respond to any challenge in life.

In this scenario, then I can really see how having people who can understand their background to discuss the challenge of MS with would be really beneficial, which is probably why the societies that Lulu linked to above e.g. GLAMS here in the UK have been formed.

As for me, and for me only, not Adam, not Sumanadevii, not Kelly etc then the one thing that would matter would be whether I felt comfortable enough in whatever group to include pronouns relating to my partner, and know that I wouldn't receive any anti gay response.

I hope you find the support you're looking for, Adam, but I'd also add that this forum is extremely supportive of everyone who posts here so I hope you're able to find a home here too.

Jep

[Sumanadevii]

I do hope it is understood that I am far from anti gay.  Had the poster referred in a regular posting about his partner, I would have thought nothing of it.  I just felt like and still feel it was out of place for the post and that HE HIMSELF was placing a barrier.  

Then, I do understand where he was coming from, too.  I worked most my life with gay men and women.  I guess that is why I see them totally equal with no division and saw this poster out in left field....Maybe he has not been fortunate enough to be around people that are totally accepting of any sexuality, race, age, etc.

[COBOB]

OK.  I have never seen any relationship between sexual orientation and MS.  Two separate things.  One is what it is (being gay) where the other (MS) is a disease of the CNS.  I have mentioned my partner in several posts.  

If it requires me saying it more bluntly, I'm a gay guy with MS.

Both are part of what I am, but neither defines who I am.  My sexual orientation is what it is.  Believe me, it would be much easier to be straight, so I know I didn't choose to be gay any more than someone else chooses to be straight.  I also know that I would never have chosen to have MS.  

My sexual orientation doesn't change my disease, or my posts in this forum.  I will tell you that it strains my relationship just like it does for a man and a woman.  It instills a desire to help other facing the possibility of MS.  I don't think my MS cares about "ME".  It just does what it does on it schedule.  

Hope this doesn't negative effect anyone's opinion of me, but its your opinion.  I;m sure my disease won't give two shakes about your opinion or mine.  I sent AdamJames25 a message, but I've been here a while and figured that this is a question that may come up once and a while, so now I'm on record:  MS doesn't discriminate based on sexual orientation.
If anyone one wlse asks this question again, feel free to point them my way.

Bob

[Sumanadevii]

Okay...if Bob wants to go on record, I will, too.  My youngest son is a gay man.  Is the reason I reacted as I did.  We stressed over and over in our home, his sexuality was his business and his alone.  He owed no one an answer.  He surely didn't have to come out of any closet.  After all, did his brothers?  I would have beat him with a stick from home and back had he posted using his sexual orientation to call attention to himself rather than the issue at hand.

I guess not every kid is lucky enough to come from a home where they are accepted unconditionally.  My son has never felt any different than others.  He went through high school with the usual disappointments and teen issues.  Went away to college finding a huge world opened to him.  He today lives with his partner in New York.  His life is full.

I hope AdamJames comes back to post.  I hope he will also understand that using his "gay" signature is not necessary to be heard.