I can't do this right now

[Quixotic1]

As many of you know I cycle up and down with depression and fatigue.  I just got back from my new PCP (old one retired).  New one doesn't "buy" that I feel I am unable to work.  At each visit he urges me to find something I can do, to make use of my knowledge, to continue to be productive.  As I try to explain my fatigue, he suggests things like, arranging to take a nap in the day, or some other inane suggestion.  I struggle to answer a few questions here before I need to lie back and close my eyes until the world stops whirling.  I have about 3 hours of useful energy a day broken into five or six hitches.  

I tried to tell him I found something that I could do online, and that I got a lot out of it - feeling appreciated, useful.  Instead of being pleased that I'm trying to do something he advised me "not to get a swelled head over it."  I'm frustrated, humiliated, wondering if I am, indeed, as lazy as he suggests or just a wimp because I gave up.  

I have great admiration for people with this disease who vow to fight and not let it define them.  I can only ask, "Fight with what?"  I am exhausted by emptying our four litter boxes or going to the basement to run a load of laundry.  The trip to the doctor put me down for three hours.  Today I am overwhelmed by the pain and frustration on the board.  I can't formulate my thoughts, I can't put simples things together.

The two doctors that treated me with understanding and compassion have both retired.  All the new doctors I meet make some snap judgment about who I am now.  I am so tired of being treated like a depressed middle aged women who claims to be disabled because she is a little dizzy, a little weak and a little tired.

That's all, the tones you hear in my notes are just that, the same frustration, pain, fear that you all feel sometimes.  I miss the person I was!  I was good at it!  I don;t want to be this way!  q

[uk2]

Im sorry the doctor made you feel this way!! How insensitive are they?

You have carried many of us through on here, you have looked out for us when we have been down and informed others of this, what you have done on here is unmeasureable.
Do not let what a doctor said to take away what you have done on here.

You are still who you were inside and though this disease will take some of your physical and mental it will never take your spirit!!!

You are a amazing lady and intelligent lady you have helped people on here and when you were practising as well there must be thousand of thankfull parants out there too.!! You have so much to be proud of some of us only dream of achieving what you have.

I will pray for you, you have given so much to people over the years, god must have a heart for you.

You have gone on a amazing journey through your illness and along the way you have stopped to help people even when you did not feel like it that is not lazy!!

We are all here for you and even though i dont know you that well i send all my love hugs and kisses to you.

God Bless x

[Want to feel well!!!]

Sorry for what you are going through.  It seems so unfair after all you have been through already.  I hope you find a new doctor.  Could you call the retired doctor and ask for some names of others who might be more compassionate and understanding?  

You have helped so many of us so please do not discount anything you are doing.  You know the value this holds.  Does this doctor feel it doesn’t have any value because there is no monetary payment for you?  I hate that kind of attitude.  

With all the information you have gathered you should write a book…like a self-help book for neurological disorders.  Seriously.  The how-to guide that is obviously needed!!!

Consider yourself hugged!!!

Wanna

[doni54]

I am sooo sorry that you find yourself feeling down.  I am going to just speak for myself right now even though I agree with what everyone else has posted.

Before I met you and you took your precious time and thoughts and energy to help me I was on the brink of giving up.  I, like you, am tired of not being the person I used to be - fun loving, hard working, the ultimate gardener, home builder, etc.  Now I am just a lump of deteriorating flesh that can't walk, can't talk, can't see, etc.  You jumped right in and answered me the other day when I was having a serious problem and was scared out of my mind.  You are my HERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are one of the most special people I have ever had the blessing to know.  We may only be connected thru this forum, but I feel that it is much more.  I truly believe that you are connected to me and everyone else in this forum thru our hearts and souls.  We are always bombarding you with questions and you never fail to take your time, no matter how you feel, to help us.

Well, I for one, and everyone else on this forum I am sure, are here for YOU!!!!!  We love you and think you are the best person we know.  You are still a great doc and always will be, your insights and suggestions to everyone here proves this beyond a shadow of a doubt. Who are you gonna believe?  Some idiot who doesn't even want to know you?  Or all of us who do know you and love you for the person you are?  I vote for us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am sending you an enormous hug right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With love, appreciation and support
Doni

[Hope38]

I'm so sorry you were being spoken to like that!  Uggh these Drs!

I seriously do not know how you are able to answer all of us the way you do!!!!!!!  I have a hard time reading and understanding some posts because at times my mind feels like a train wreck!  But you keep going and helping.  If you don't know the answer to our question you research it FOR US!

Your a DOLL to all of us!!!!!!!  

I cleaned my entire downstairs yesterday and I was done for the day!  I took hours because I had to sit down for 15min every 5 min!!!!!!!!!!  I'm so very fortunate because I have 3 kids, 2 are teenagers a boy and girl.  And they do their chores and pitch in all the time.  I don't even have to ASK!  They see me starting to clean and they say "what can I do to help you"!  

I don't know sometimes if they are so awesome because of me and my husband and the way we brought them up OR inspite of us...lol  

I think many are like me that read your post....AMAZED!  You are far from lazy!!!!!!  I don't know where half of us would be without your wisdom and insight.  We'd be talking to eachother and figuring nothing out!   You never come across is someone who has a swelled head.  You come off as Kind, Caring and most of all COMPASSIONATE!

We all hear the same things from our Dr's ..... you need to get up and go on and move around.  Your lazy, your crazy, your bored with your life, you smoke!  I'm sure there is many more little put downs people hear.

We appreciate you so don't you give that Dr the power to question yourself!

Lisa

[tory2457]

Dear Quix,

You mean so much to this group! I'm so sorry to hear about your "struggles".
If you're into reading, as I'm sure it's been a big part of your life.... :)

you might look at:
thehumansideoflyme.net Dr S. speaks about depression and other stuff; OCD is another big one.
ilads.org also covers this

I extend good thoughts your way ---hang in there okay?

[Nanners123]

I echo all the posts hear and will let their eloquence speak for me as well!!

I have a saying that I use when frustrated with the medical field. "Managed Care--they manage not to care". I think that is why we can't find good docs anymore. They are all too busy trying to make insurance companies happy and forget the real reason they went into the field!!

I have no doubt in my mind that you were a very compassionate, comprehensive and caring doctor--you still are!!!! I can read in all your posts the passion you carry for the medical field. You are a diplomat for your colleagues yet an advocate for all of us. You do a great job balancing between seeing things throught the eyes of a physcian and through the eyes of a patient.

I can only imagine how much more difficult it is for you to find a good doc due to the fact that you have first hand knowledge of what one is and that is in you.

Have confidence in your gifts and abilities and allow yourself to have down times, but in those down times use the little energy that you do have to build yourself back up spiritually, mentally and emotionally in that way you can rise out of your valley stronger, brighter and ready to take charge yet again!!!

My prayers are with you!! I hope you can cuddle with those cats and feel their loving purs.

N