I can't do this right now

[Quixotic1]

As many of you know I cycle up and down with depression and fatigue.  I just got back from my new PCP (old one retired).  New one doesn't "buy" that I feel I am unable to work.  At each visit he urges me to find something I can do, to make use of my knowledge, to continue to be productive.  As I try to explain my fatigue, he suggests things like, arranging to take a nap in the day, or some other inane suggestion.  I struggle to answer a few questions here before I need to lie back and close my eyes until the world stops whirling.  I have about 3 hours of useful energy a day broken into five or six hitches.  

I tried to tell him I found something that I could do online, and that I got a lot out of it - feeling appreciated, useful.  Instead of being pleased that I'm trying to do something he advised me "not to get a swelled head over it."  I'm frustrated, humiliated, wondering if I am, indeed, as lazy as he suggests or just a wimp because I gave up.  

I have great admiration for people with this disease who vow to fight and not let it define them.  I can only ask, "Fight with what?"  I am exhausted by emptying our four litter boxes or going to the basement to run a load of laundry.  The trip to the doctor put me down for three hours.  Today I am overwhelmed by the pain and frustration on the board.  I can't formulate my thoughts, I can't put simples things together.

The two doctors that treated me with understanding and compassion have both retired.  All the new doctors I meet make some snap judgment about who I am now.  I am so tired of being treated like a depressed middle aged women who claims to be disabled because she is a little dizzy, a little weak and a little tired.

That's all, the tones you hear in my notes are just that, the same frustration, pain, fear that you all feel sometimes.  I miss the person I was!  I was good at it!  I don;t want to be this way!  q

[EL18]

Hi Quix, I'm so sorry that you are going through this with the new Dr.  When I meet Drs like that I try to think...they must have missed the 'how to be a compassionate human' lecture...he should try walking in your shoes for a day...it makes me so mad.  

You have been such a great support to so many people on here, more than you will ever know and more than you will ever admit to.  Your support has given so many people, including me and others from the 'great undiagnosed' the ability and knowledge too fight.  I can truely say from personal experience you have seen me through some pretty dark times and have given me the knowledges, answers and straight talking support to not dwell on things and try to carry on the best I can and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

My friend has MS and she said something to me a while ago which has always stuck in my mind, she said:  I may have MS but it doesn't have me.....

Stay in touch, look after yourself and for once take some time for you...you deserve it.

Em
x

[T-lynn]

Boy,I sure would like to know why so many defective Drs come out of med school.

You have been such a great cyber friend and a God Sent to many of us here.

I can relate to the fatigue,this is a new one for me,but I sleep more then I'm awake and get very little accomplished.Fixing a simple dinner wears me out.I mop the floor and need a nap.Laundry is physically challenging.Heck I fell a sleep in a restraunt.

I'd like to see these Drs walk in my shoes one day,leg braces TOOOOO.Inject themselves 3 times a week and start there breakfast with 5 pills just to function!!!!!

I had to go to my son's football scrimage,it took everything I had just to be alert.

I wish I could send you my GP he is so sweet,compasionate and very caring.(plus a hotty).I seen him yesterday for stomache problems and my insurance will only pay for nexium once a day.He was kind enough to give me samples for 30 days to see if that helps taking it twice a day.

My heart brakes for you,there are kind hearted DRs out there,but they seem to be limited today.

Yea we may get dizzy,fatigued ,forgetful ,walk funny,weak,but we have a reason for a disability ,theres(Drs.) is just ignorants!!!!

Quix,you still are the same person,just with limitations,ya know the good Lord gives us no more than we can handle,but he sure can test us.Just take some quiet days for you and reflect on how many here you have helped.You are a DR with a disease and you understand our fears,the DX process and the whole 9 yards.You have taken your time to answer questions,research and be a great cyber friend,you may not have your private practice in an office anymore,but you sure have helped so many here.Maybe this is where the good Lord needs you to be right now,only time will tell.

I know I get real tired of this disease,theres no easy answers,but taking each day as they come.do what we can.

I miss the old me also,but I found dwelling on not having the old me just makes me sad.I wish I could tell it gets easier,but I can't answer that as I know my disease has advanced,but I do plan on living each day to its fullest,that is between naps.

Take some time for you,thats always important.

[moeck]

I am truely sorry for the anguish you are feling right now and wish there was a way I could reach out through the net and give you a shoulder to lean on, if only for a moment.  I spent three years trying to teach "health care professionals" in nursing homes that pain is what THE PATIENT says they are feeling and that there is to be no judgment on the part of the doctor or nurse dspie any history of drug use or other non-medical issues. The same should be for fatigue.  I don't know a single employer who would allow a "nap" during working hours.

[Super_sally888]

Quix,

Sorry you had such a bad experience.  You must be so frustrated!  Don't give up and don't let anyone invalidate you for what they don't understand...  

Can you find a new PCP?  That would take a lot of effort... finding a good doctor to work with is one of the most frustrating things any of us go through.

Know that what you contribute here is invaluable, and it is ok if you can't do this every day.... and need time to recoup at times.....  

Let them try being dizzy, weak and tired and see what a struggle it is to get through....

None of us want to be this way!  Why can't people understand that!  The people who say this is psychosomatic / somatization disorder.  Why on earth would I want to stop doing all the things you love doing unless you really can't help it.

Hang in there.  You are a great person!  You have MS, but it is not who you are.

S

[oncetri]

I'm so sorry that happened to you.  And there is no "swelled head", we really do appreciate you for everything you do and for who you are.  It shows how much you care for us, not just about how it makes you feel, and it's so appreciated.

I know the second guessing.  Been doing it every day all the time, but like my coach told me, only you know your body and only you can judge when enough is truly enough.

You are fighting, even if you don't feel you are right now.  Even just talking on here, and helping everyone, is fighting.  It's just a different fight than what most people think, but one so important that anything else pales in comparison.  Fighting with hope, and sharing that passion with others.  So it's a down time, maybe things will get better, maybe you'll find a better doctor.  Only the future knows, and I'm beginning to realize that there is no way we can guess what will happen to us.

I hope you start feeling better. Thank you for everything you've given me and I know will give to me.
Corinne