For Those With or Planning On Children

[Quixotic1]

It is a day that needs humor.  This is for you.  One of My favorites:


FROM AN UNKNOWN MOTHER IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

1) A king size water bed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with rollerblades, they can ignite.

3) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late

8) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.

11) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12) Super glue is forever.

13) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15) VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though they do on TV commercials.

16) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17) Marbles in gas tanks ! make lots of noise when driving.

18) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

22) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

23) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
    

Those who read this and pass it on to almost all of their friends, with or without boys, do it because:

a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

From your local pediatrician.

Quix

[young at heart]

NOW THATS FUNNY,

QUIX, KEEP THEM COMING ,LAUGHTER IS GOOD MEDICINE.

IF I WAS IN YOUR AREA,I'D APPRAISE YOUR HOUSE,ONLY LISENCED IN OH.

DANG,BANKS WON'T EVEN LET ME APPRAISE MY OWN.

RUMOR IS OUR GOV. IS TO FORCE THE BANKING INSTITUTE TO RE-WRITE HIGH INTEREST RATE LOANS TO A LESSER INTERST RATE TO PREVENT THE HIGH RATE OF FORE CLOSURER.

IF YOU ARE NOT SATISFIED WITH THE APPRAISAL,YOUR RIGHT AS A CONSUMER YOU CAN  QUESTION IT,ASK FOR YOUR MONEY BACK OR HAVE A PARTENER IN THE APPRAISAL FIRM TO REDO IT.

YOU HAVE A RIGHT AS A CONSUMER TO HAVE A COPY OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

T-LYNN

[grannyhotwheels]

Man-O-Gram  That original.  I think I like the thought of this.  

Keep me laughing Quix,  I really need it.

haahaaheehee

Love,
Carol

[Momzilla]

Duh.

Zilla*
Mother of five BOYS

[essdipity]

That's really getting 'em where they LIVE. Literally, it sometimes seems!

essie

[Quixotic1]

I have a bunch of things to do this week.  Monday the Cable Guy is coming, so we have to clean the cat urp out from behind the TV.

I am trying to refinance my house, being one of the millions of "subprime loan holders" and Wednesday the appraisor is coming to check it' value.  Right after he leaves I have to go get a mammogram.  That's a lot of effort, and I hate mammograms!  Do you think I should just ask for a "Two-fer" and ask the appraisor to check out my breasts while he's at it, and call it good???

BTW - as long as women have to go in yearly for this bizarre ritual, I think men should get a yearly "Man-O-Gram".  Yep, squeeze those puppies!  What do ya'll think?

Quix

[young at heart]

OH, HOW TRUE!!!!!

I HAVE 4 CHILDREN AND 3 ARE GIRLS,THAT 1 SON HAS SURE CAUSED HIS HECTIC MOMMENTS!!!!!!  I SHOULD HAVE A PERMANANT HEADACHE.


OH, DOG FOOD THROWN INTO A CEILING FAN HURTS LIKE HEY-DEY!!!!!!!!!!!

A 30 SOMETHING YEAR OLD MAN CAN'T GET A 5 DOLLAR GLASS CUTTER TO WORK , BUT A 3 YEAR OLD CAN!!!!!!!---MULTIPLE WINDOWS.

NEVER TAKE A 3 YEAR OLD WITH YA TO GET THE OIL CHANGED---GUARENTEED YA WON'T HAVE OIL IN YOUR VEHICLE AFTER THEY'VE BEEN UNDER IT.

RUBBER MADE TOTE LIDS ARE NOT SLEDS FOR STAIRS.

THE LORD ONLY GAVE ME ONE SON FOR A REASON !!!!

THIS WAS A GOOD LAUGH

T-LYNN

[grannyhotwheels]

Thank you Quix, I really needed this laugh today,

haahaaheehee   haahaaheehee   haahaaheehee

Carol

[doni54]

Thanks for the laugh, it was hilarious and so true.  Good luck to all who are still of child bearing age!

doni

[biowham]

Thanks for posting. I have three boys and can attest to its accuracy.

E

[sllowe]

LOL  - Such a good morning to laugh at this, and T's post was inspirational, it's a good way to start the day.

thanks,
SL

[Heather3418]

When my kids were born, I looked for "toe tags," to see if they came with any instructions.  No such luck, I had to learn things the hard way.

Now I have lovely grandhcildren to go through this with, all over again.  Then there is the great-grandchild.  Maybe NOW, is a good time to see a mental health professional...

Heather

[cjacks]

This is really funny ..   My brother sent it to me a couple of month ago. I was going through old e-mails and found it last week . I immediately thought of MomZilla.  How do you all do it ?  You must be saints. My brother did some weird stuff  with his buddies , drove my poor Mother mad .

They completely disassembled his brand new bicycle .      They also disassembled an antique Edison victrola .  And you know that nothing ever got put back together properly , always pieces left out ..  I bet Chris has some favorites,(some ??  Tons )

[Super_sally888]

Thanks Hon!

And I'm planning on trying for one late this year.  Hopefully a girl! :)
Can't wait for kid adventures!

Sally

[pennst8r]

Absolutely hilarious!!!!  I know my brothers tried several of those when we were kids. Thank God my son was an only child!

Take 2 birth control pills and call Quix in the morning=)

Penn