I was very touched by your post. It's a very important aspect of having a potentially disabling disease. I too, am one that worries, whether my partner can endure the ups and downs of my MS. I try to stay as active as the MS will allow, but often go off to myself, away from him, when I am in pain and just too tired to involve myself in the busy day. I know that I isolate him and make him question why I don't share with him, on the days I am not feeling well. I am afraid to spend too much of our relationship, complaining about the pain and my inability to do the most simple things. I withdraw.
I know that could be the downfall of our four year relationship. I worry all the time, that I will become too much of a burden physically and financially and he will seek out another. I should be trusting his love, not pushing him away.
Our intimate relationship has become forced on my part, because I am either depressed due to pain and just so tired, that intimacy is the last thing on my mind. I engage him anyway, despite how I am feeling. I know that is not fair to him. Or for that matter, to myself. I do what I can to keep some type of normacly in our relationship. I push and I push myself, until I cannot go any further. It's the fear of losing him.
Thank you so much for posting on this subject. I know it is happening to alot of couples, right here on the Forum. This IS a subject we need to discuss and get off our chests. Your words will stay in my mind everyday, as I try to have faith that this relationship will prevail, despite it's many obstacles due to MS.
Thank you again,
Heather
A lot to think about and work upon. Thanks for your insight. Seems this would make a good Health Page.
- Alisa
I agree....Spitfire, I hope that you would consider posting this on the Health Pages. It's a very important issue when dealing with ANY long term disorder. Yeah, Spit, your article is THAT GOOD.
Heather
Brain fog...my post meant to say Dennis, not refer you to Spitfire...sorry bout that...that's what has been happening to me alot lately.. Brain fog. My apologies
Thank you Heather and Alisa.
I don't know how to post a health topic and also I'm not sure if I found all of the typos and other errors in what I wrote. If someone could proof read it I would be more willing to post it as a health page.
Heather:
Don't worry about calling me spitfire. I have done the same thing myself. In fact it was just a few days ago when I called Kathy "Lulu".
Dennis
Hi, this is Kathy, oh, I mean Lulu checking in! :-)
A common symptom of MS is constipation - beyond the physical problem by that name I think the majority of us suffer from emotional constipation as well. We hold back and retain so much because at least for me I feel like a broken record playing over and over the same things - I'm tired, I don't feel well, what's wrong with me now?, those types of things. How many times should I say out loud walking through the store wears me out, or I just need to sit a few minutes to rest about bringing a load of laundry up from the basement? It seems to me its always the same things I want to vocalize.
If I were on the receiving end I would get tired of hearing me, so I try to restrain myself from talking too much about my symptoms. Its sure a fine line between communicating dumping on our partners.
Be well, Lulu
I am lucky to have a great 32 year marriage. However, I will never take him for granted.
His patience with me seems to have no limits.
We have cared for a couple of family members during an illness, and I think we both have it in our nature to care for others, But, we always supported each other during those times, and I worry about his having to deal with my limitations without any help.
I do believe that a strong marriage is key. If you are already having problems, then I do think this illness could push it over the edge.
Heather-don't beat yourself up for losing interest in intimacy, it is a result of the disease not your choice. Instead of thinking you are not being fair to him, think of it as a tribute to how much you love him. Kind of like a gift that makes him really, really happy :)
Blessings,
Sally
I, too don't talk much to my family about how I'm feeling. I guess being undx makes me feel like I don't have a basis for complaint. When asked how I feel I just always say fine.
I know my hubby misses us doing things, like movies and just riding around in the country for hours or even just actually going somewhere together. I seem to have become a recluse, and not known it. I just don't have the energy to do anything, just a once a week trip to the grocery does me in for days.
I have one friend, whom I met here on this forum, whose husband left her because he couldn't deal with her deteriorating health. I even tried to talk to him, but he just couldn't live with it. My friend's condition, she has been dx with fibro and a pain condition, has worsened and her husband has returned, but things are still not good between them.
Thank you so much, Dennis, this is a wonderful post, and would make a great health page.
doni
This is a wonderful post! The effect of chronic illness and increasing disability on relationships is Huge. We have discussed this before, but not for a long time. Our disease redefines our roles in the relationship and often not in the way we or our partners have reckoned for. The grief extends to all the people around us and so does the anger, the worry, the frustration, and the uncertainty.
This really can't come up enough.
Tahnks again,
Quix