Life is Very Complex

[Quixotic1]

Well, I set here this morning tired before my day even begins.  Life remains dicey and filled with adventures I rather leave for Jeff Corwin.  The urinary and, now, bowel incontinence is a major drag - really a drag.  It would certainly be easier if I could move smoothly and swiftly to the bathroom, but that is definitely not to be.  We are treating my loss of potty-training with Oxybutinin.  This helps.  I still lose a great part of every bladder-full, but don't completely empty most of the time.  This means fewer moppings of the floor and fewer clothes changes.

I still think therre is a correlation between mice and being incontinent.  What isn't clear is whether the mice die in the epic floods or whether the cats have a role in their demise.  The cats are definitely involved, though.  Take last night, for example.  I spend the evenings in my recliner knitting and watching TV (furthering my brain rot).  When it is time to sleep I lay my knitting beside my chair, pull of the blanket and go to sleep, wioth two or three cats tucked in here and there for warmth and company.

Last night I had the pre-dawn awakening and stood up to Frankenstein it to the bathroom.  Walking to the bathroom without leaking through my extra long, extra thick pad is an art.  One must waddle, the stiff legs are a given in the cold night air, and there can be no bending down nor twisting of the torso.  Now, I don't know about you, but the toes on my right foot must be like Edward Scissorhands.  Long, spaced wide apart and able to catch and retain EVERYTHING.  I got up and the blanket found it's way between my toes.  I can't lift my foot - even backwards - because it is stiff at the knee.  I can't walk with the blanket and I don't want to trip.  I mash the blanket down with my left foot and extricate my right foot.  Okay, now I can get to the door.

Oh, but wait!  Some is amiss.  What is dragging my foot and tickling between my toes?  The perceptive among you have remembered my knitting.  Yes, like a python the yarn is wound in and out of my toes.  Yarn is light.  I shake my foot which resembles Frankenstein shaking his booty.  The yarn stays.  I am quickly losing time to make it to the bathroom.  Ah, he ll!  Back to the course I turn, taking smaller steps and trying to dislodge the yarn from my toes with ech step.  Nope the stuff is glued.  On to the bathroom.  Two steps, now something is impeding my progress.  I turn - uh-oh, forbidden move - and the leaking begins.  Drat!  the yarn is coming with me, as is my knitting project, unraveling as it follows.  Sh*t!  I can't pee on the knitting.  My movements become more frantic.  It's already determined that I will be mopping tonight.  What the heck.  I bend over to remove the yarn.  I can get one loop free, but not the other as I dance to avoid dragging the yarn through the growing puddle.

So, holding onto the doorway I swing my leg, the yarn, and the project clear of the danger.  This catches the eyes of two formerly somnolent cats.  Turning back to my destination I start to hurry.  Yep!  With each stiff-legged jerk there is a matching cat pounce.  So for the next 15 feet it is step, drag, pounce.  It really is funny now.  I have no hope of escaping the huge mess and so off we go the project unraveling as I stagger.  Maybe I can get that sweater done for Mother by Christmas instead of November for her birthday.

Finally, I reach the loo, and take care of my business.  But, now, my mind is occupied watching the cats enjoy the yarn dragging (and who taught them to follow a piece of dragging yarn??)  I have been smart enough to keep all my suuplies and extra underwear in a chest right beside the toilet.  But, now I can't finish emptying my bladder.  So it's 10 minutes of relaxing, mourning a couple hours of knitting lost, and looking into the eyes of now,  four cats.  They're hungry.  Their tails are circling in the air like sharks before a possible feast.  And I usually have a dawn trip to the bathroom anyway and I feed them then.  I'm 45 minutes early.  I might as well take care of that, as  well as take my dawn Provigil.

So, I clean up.  But, while putting on my clean panties the elastic gets caught between my toes.  As I bend forward to pull it out, my leg shoots out straight and my panties act like a sling shot and flip across the room hitting poor Clyde right between the eyes.  She runs out of the room ready to play.  I grab another pair and start to put them on.  Edward Scissortoes strikes again.  This time I use my left foot to wrestle the wild beast down and use my hands to lift up my right foot and pull the elastic out of my toes.  I swear the panties have a life of their own!  Fine, but now the other opening is caught around my left great toe.  At this point I begin swearing.  The cats back up.  Finally, I accomplish my mission.

I mop the floor, take my pills and feed the cats.  Now I am wide awake.

Does this count as MS insomnia?

Does anyone else have toes that grab anything and everything that comes within a yard or two of them?  How do they hold on so tightly to things?

Sheesh!

Quix

[sllowe]

I think there is enough research and evidence here to invent a new panty....

Ones that snap on!

Ones w/no potential to tangle in toes!

Could be sold as a kit that comes w/bonus mice traps and mop heads!

Brrrrrrrrrrrr Mama gonna be cold come Christmas! Best get'ta knitting for November!

-shell

[Deb61]

I can definitely relate to the Edward Scissortoes.  I have this problem every morning.  I've gotten knots on my head several times because of tripping as a result of getting my toes caught in my underwear!

Thanks for the funny story!  I can relate!

Deb

[Guitar_grrrl]

OMG!  Between this and your raccoon story...the visuals are just so vivid!

Thanks for the laugh.  I'm heartened by the fact you can keep your sense of humor in one of the sh!ttier aspects (pun intended) of this stupid disease.

Do you have Hanes on speed dial?

[jenbe]

OMgoodness. Too funny. Thanks for the laughter. I would buy the book too. And have you thought of going to sleep in socks????  ;)

[jensequitur]

I've always liked black humor!  You've gotta laugh...  because otherwise you'll cry!

Most recently I've been unable to lift my right leg up off the floor, so putting jeans on has been a real chore.  I have to put my foot on the floor, then insert it into the leg using my hands.  The toes want to get caught in the folds, and then they bend back when I try to push the foot through.  So I have to hold the leg up, while simultaneously pulling my pants up.

[michelleric]

Thank goodness for humor.  I think you need to do stand up (or perhaps sit down) comedy. Really I think you need to make a video on the needing humor for day to day life with MS. or a book. I would buy it, or watch it.

Think about it...you are inspirational and always give me a life when I need it.
Thanks, love and hugs to you,
Michelle