just need to whine...also rambling A LOT, sorry

[BittyBee]

Hi everyone!!! I've been lurking since my last post, I just haven't posted anything lately. So I'll do a quick update...saw a new neuro the day before my birthday, and finding him is one of the best birthday present I could have gotten. He spent 2 hours w/ me my first visit and on my birthday his office qualified me to get in a study. So that has taken a huge financial burden off my shoulders. Plus, my fatigue has gotten SO much better (I'm so thankful for that). I've actually been able to do so much more than I have since before I even had any idea that something was wrong with me. Just in general my mental and physical health is doing so much better than it was.

Now onto the complaint. I think I'm having an MS hug for possibly the first time. I have had a tightness around the lower half of my ribs since my dx. It's typically on my left side and is just uncomfortable. Over the last couple of days it's been on both sides and hasn't been that bad. Sometimes it feels like I'm almost being stabbed by one of my ribs. Then today it's been happening more often and has gotten really painful throughout the day. Like every other time I have something medical going on, it got really bad right after the dr office closed. Even when I get a break (not sure if that's the right word; looks really weird to me, anyways...) when it doesn't feel like my ribs are going to crush the life out of me. It's still really tight and somewhat painful.

I don't know if I can make it through the night. I can't afford to go to the ER, I've taken Aleeve and that hasn't helped, I've tried a ice pack but that only helps for a minute. The to top it off I feel like they're going to think I'm crazy if I show up and say I think my body is trying to kill me.

Plus, to top it off I have so much that I need to do/clean and I just haven't been getting the support that I need from my boyfriend, meaning a lot of different kinds of support, but mostly he's not helping me keep up with the housework. It's our anniversary today and when the pain starts up I kinda wanna just cuss at him for not helping me. I know that's really mean, but I feel like nothing I do or say get through to him. and if he asks me what's for dinner one more time, I might tear all my hair out. I tell him constantly that I don't care, or he tells me that it's not dinner food. I'm sorry but if I choose to eat it in the evening, it's dinner! If donuts are good enough for "the most important meal of the day" why are they not acceptable for dinner?

sign...my mood swings have been kinda crazy lately too. I am seeing a new psychiatrist next week. My ARNP that I really liked at the last one left. The new guys started messing w/ me meds and I had just started feeling like I had gotten the right combination. He just added Trazadone to help me sleep, so far it's not working I was doing better with out it. Then when I call to let them know I want to stop taking it he leaves me a voicemail saying that it's weird that it's having the affect on me (that I'm not sleeping better on it), and that it really doesn't do that to people. He also didn't bother to look at my chart before asking me questions, he saw mood swings and thought I was having bad manic episodes! (keep in mind I have really bad bouts of depression.)

I need a break. I just want to relax in a nice clean house w/ the laundry put up. It shouldn't be that hard. Thanks for letting me vents. I'm so sorry that any of us have to go through this, and I know that I've got it a lot better than some people, but I know you guys understand that. I love this forum, even though I might not say a lot. Thank all of you for being here to help, listen, relate, and understand. BTW I didn't read what I wrote, so I'm sorry if it sounds like a bunch of nonsense, but I feel better for getting it out.

[BittyBee]

Thanks Tammy. I hope its not a relapse. I left a message at my nueros office last night. Someone called me back to let me know that they received the message and they will let the doctor know what's going on.

It wasn't nearly as bad this morning but it seems to be getting worse. I'm not hunched over crying from it atlrast : ) I just don't know if I end up needing to go to a walk in clinic if they'll know what to do. Most doctors ive seen since this all started always sat I really don't know anything about Ms. Atlrast they're being honest. Hopefully the doc will call me.

Thanks again!!! Just knowing that other people understand is a huge help.
-britt

[maxthecat43]

You have a right to feel any way you need to.  The whole situation isn't fair, and it's very, very hard to get other people (meaning people without neurological problems) to really understand.  It does sound like your having the infamous "hug"- such a nice name for such an awful beast!  If this is the first time, it may be a part of a new relapse.  If the hug came during a different relapse, it's a parasthesia now, and unfortunately not too much can be done about it.  I've been dealing with this on a fairly constant basis for a little over three years.  Believe it or not, you can get used to almost anything.

I know how you feel, I want some help with housework and laundry too, but since I'm married, and my husband is still relatively healthy, Medicare (I'm disabled) won't help.  My husband is slowly getting better about some things.  He understands when I can't make dinner, and will help out with a few chores when he has time.  But the laundry piles up, and sometimes the sink is full of dishes...

Sometimes men have to hear about what you're really going through from your doctor.  If you can take him to your next neuro appt, and have him hear it from your doctor, it may help.  It did in my case.  It's not that they don't believe us, it's more that they don't really speak our language.

My husband and I are celebrating our 18th Anniversary on Monday.  If you and your boyfriend love each other, and are in it for the long haul, give it some time for him to start to understand better. Men are very "visually oriented" creatures. Unfortunately, most of our symptoms, though completely miserable to us, are completely invisible to others.

Nothing you wrote sounded like nonsense.  Hopefully, nothing I wrote did either...  Feel free to message me, if you need to vent/talk.

(((Hugs,)))
Tammy