OT but comments will help

[SarahL2491]

Am going to make this "hypothetical" since posts can be googled……..but friends will figure it out.

Someone's ex called this morning to inform someone that their ex had died.  Since this involves a child with this ex, how does one handle it?  My understanding is that there is no funeral (whew) but a memorial later in the year……….

comments welcomed and will pass them along.

[SarahL2491]

thanks all, the child is grown with children of her own.  Your comments were most helpful, which I passed along……..

[Lulu54]

I'm still wondering how old this hypothetical child might be?

[PastorDan]

The age of the child[ren] is a crucial question.  Recently, we worked with a family in which the father of the oldest 3 kids (aged maybe 8 through 11) died out of state after a number of years being pretty much absent.  The fact that the father of their 2 younger siblings has been so good to them might have been the most important single factor in these precious ones' relatively smooth transition through that period.


Beyond that, I think the most important thing is to express never-ending love for the child.  Be as supportive as the child seems to need.  Answer their questions honestly, while avoiding details unnecessary to their understanding or beyond their grasp.

[Lulu54]

Regardless of the ex, unless the ex was cruel and abusive, the person has to keep in mind the deceased was also the parent of their child.  Out of the union came at least one good thing and I would suppose this hypothetical person would want to be supportive of the child (who I am assuming is an adult?) and make the appropriate comments and offer support.  If it were me, unless the marriage/divorce/and subsequent years were brutal, I would ask the child if my attendance was desired.  The child would know best whether it was a good idea or not.

That said, I have a hypothetical family member who had an ex preceed her in death and there was no way in He#L she would have gone to that funeral, and rightly so.  She supported her adult children in other ways.

I hope this helps.
give your hypothetical friend a hypothetical hug.  ~Laura

[flipper336]

If the person in question is the kids biological parent, they will have to go to court and file papers to get sole custody. The easiest thing to do is hire a attorney that works with child custody cases. They will know exactly what to do. Laws are different in most states so they will know how to proceed.
Having no funeral and only a memorial is not uncommon. I think it makes things a little easier on their friends and family. They can remember the good times they had with the person instead of a memory of them laying in a coffin.