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Coping Techniques
Hey all! I hope you all are enjoying a great holiday season!
Quix wrote me a note in response to one of my postings from a few days ago, and asked if I would set up a new posting about coping techniques.
I was sharing some of my coping techniques for still managing daily activities as much as possible. Quix thought a new posting for this would allow us all to share some ideas and methods for how to manage our daily routines when the fatigue or other symptoms are hitting us. So, with that said ... thanks, Quix! What a great idea!
Here are some of my methods to help me achieve all my daily/weekly tasks and I hope they help you too. Please post any methods you all are using ... I know I could use some more great ideas! :-)
I have really been learning to accept that my house may not be perfectly clean at all times anymore, and I used to do everything for my daughter and hubby. They are taking on more of their stuff now. I talked with my spouse about how he can help too ... just little extra things. And if possible, I plan and schedule as much as I can -- even keeping a notes list on my iPhone, because sometimes I can't always remember what I thought even five minutes earlier. My husband bought me the phone, and it's been a real life line b/c I keep it at all times on me and use it to jot down notes as they occur to me.
As my fatigue got worse, I started making a chore schedule for my daughter to help more and increased her allowance. I also made a schedule for me to break up my house cleaning and errands throughout the week, sometimes the schedule gets screwed up, but it definitely helps. This way, I have created a resting period during the day to make sure I can make it through the day with minimum symptoms.
I also make a meal plan for each week ... it helps me remember what we have in the house, lets me set aside the exact time needed for that meal and as a bonus it really cut my grocery bill b/c I wasn't buying double items or wasting anything.
I hope this helps, and I can't wait to hear everyone else's ideas too. Thanks again, Quix ... great idea!!!
Happy Holidays all!
ArmyGirl73
Quix wrote me a note in response to one of my postings from a few days ago, and asked if I would set up a new posting about coping techniques.
I was sharing some of my coping techniques for still managing daily activities as much as possible. Quix thought a new posting for this would allow us all to share some ideas and methods for how to manage our daily routines when the fatigue or other symptoms are hitting us. So, with that said ... thanks, Quix! What a great idea!
Here are some of my methods to help me achieve all my daily/weekly tasks and I hope they help you too. Please post any methods you all are using ... I know I could use some more great ideas! :-)
I have really been learning to accept that my house may not be perfectly clean at all times anymore, and I used to do everything for my daughter and hubby. They are taking on more of their stuff now. I talked with my spouse about how he can help too ... just little extra things. And if possible, I plan and schedule as much as I can -- even keeping a notes list on my iPhone, because sometimes I can't always remember what I thought even five minutes earlier. My husband bought me the phone, and it's been a real life line b/c I keep it at all times on me and use it to jot down notes as they occur to me.
As my fatigue got worse, I started making a chore schedule for my daughter to help more and increased her allowance. I also made a schedule for me to break up my house cleaning and errands throughout the week, sometimes the schedule gets screwed up, but it definitely helps. This way, I have created a resting period during the day to make sure I can make it through the day with minimum symptoms.
I also make a meal plan for each week ... it helps me remember what we have in the house, lets me set aside the exact time needed for that meal and as a bonus it really cut my grocery bill b/c I wasn't buying double items or wasting anything.
I hope this helps, and I can't wait to hear everyone else's ideas too. Thanks again, Quix ... great idea!!!
Happy Holidays all!
ArmyGirl73
I am not so caught up in my work anymore. I was never a super ambitious career woman, but I've always been a really hard worker and often worked well over my paid 40 hrs/ week to keep up and not let anyone down. I changed positions a few months before I was dx'ed and it is a good thing, as my former role was direct employee relations in HR and very demanding: cell phone ringing constantly; mediating lot of employee-employee and employee-management conflict; advising on performance problems; lots of team presentations to do on a moment's notice; termination hearings; employees with drug and alcohol issues; etc. etc. I didn't find it stressful in a bad way, it was really challenging and I learned a lot. But I could not keep up that pace now, and I wouldn't even want to try. I don't feel I'm missing out on anything.
Now I'm a policy analyst for the same company; the pace is not so frantic; it involves a lot of individual research and writing; and it doesn't overwhelm me in the least. I am considering cutting back my hours which my husband supports, maybe 30 hrs/wk instead of 40. This would allow time in the afternoon for exercise that I find hard to work into my day, and exercise for me is a huge help in coping with stress and managing my health.
I am lucky to be able to hire house cleaners, they aren't on a regular schedule but come twice as month on average. They do a better job than I ever would and I love the feeling of walking into a freshly cleaned house. That in itself is calming. It doesn't stay that way for long but I enjoy those few minutes before we mess the place up again.
Cooking and baking is a diversion that I really enjoy. A simple meal and a nice glass of red wine soothes me completely.
Having decided very early in life that I didn't want children, I don't have that huge responsibility and I don't miss it one bit. I love kids and there are many in my life, most of them still very young and it is fun to babysit and hand them back to their parents at the end of the evening. :)
Music - depending on how I'm feeling, I may find that blasting Beyonce on the stereo will snap me into a good mood; or when I'm wanting something quiet, I like soothing music, lately it's been lullabies sung in Italian and Spanish. Weird I know, I bought CDs of this music for a friend with a new baby and I loved it so much I got some for myself.
If I have a holiday in the works, this gives me something to look forward to, even months down the road. In June we are going to Copenhagen and cruising the Baltic Sea as far east as St. Petersburg. Future plans that involve fun, whatever they are, are always good to have on the horizon.
Supportive husband....can't say enough....couldn't cope without him, he is my best friend, my supporter, caregiver when I need one, a true partner in every sense. Best of all is how he makes me laugh all the time, over silly little things. And makes me laugh at myself...I need that. Being a Capricorn I can take myself far too seriously at times.
Friends...those that are near, far, cyber, etc, I love them all.
I would say that my sweet standard poodles are a huge source of comfort. Sadly as you know we lost our beautiful Lars on Monday. There is a lot of sadness right now but happiness too as we chuckle over his idiosyncracies that made him who he was. We are so grateful for his half-sister Nakita who helps to ease the grief just by being here.
Posting here helps me cope. Your kind words and condolences this week meant more to me than you could know.
Now I'm a policy analyst for the same company; the pace is not so frantic; it involves a lot of individual research and writing; and it doesn't overwhelm me in the least. I am considering cutting back my hours which my husband supports, maybe 30 hrs/wk instead of 40. This would allow time in the afternoon for exercise that I find hard to work into my day, and exercise for me is a huge help in coping with stress and managing my health.
I am lucky to be able to hire house cleaners, they aren't on a regular schedule but come twice as month on average. They do a better job than I ever would and I love the feeling of walking into a freshly cleaned house. That in itself is calming. It doesn't stay that way for long but I enjoy those few minutes before we mess the place up again.
Cooking and baking is a diversion that I really enjoy. A simple meal and a nice glass of red wine soothes me completely.
Having decided very early in life that I didn't want children, I don't have that huge responsibility and I don't miss it one bit. I love kids and there are many in my life, most of them still very young and it is fun to babysit and hand them back to their parents at the end of the evening. :)
Music - depending on how I'm feeling, I may find that blasting Beyonce on the stereo will snap me into a good mood; or when I'm wanting something quiet, I like soothing music, lately it's been lullabies sung in Italian and Spanish. Weird I know, I bought CDs of this music for a friend with a new baby and I loved it so much I got some for myself.
If I have a holiday in the works, this gives me something to look forward to, even months down the road. In June we are going to Copenhagen and cruising the Baltic Sea as far east as St. Petersburg. Future plans that involve fun, whatever they are, are always good to have on the horizon.
Supportive husband....can't say enough....couldn't cope without him, he is my best friend, my supporter, caregiver when I need one, a true partner in every sense. Best of all is how he makes me laugh all the time, over silly little things. And makes me laugh at myself...I need that. Being a Capricorn I can take myself far too seriously at times.
Friends...those that are near, far, cyber, etc, I love them all.
I would say that my sweet standard poodles are a huge source of comfort. Sadly as you know we lost our beautiful Lars on Monday. There is a lot of sadness right now but happiness too as we chuckle over his idiosyncracies that made him who he was. We are so grateful for his half-sister Nakita who helps to ease the grief just by being here.
Posting here helps me cope. Your kind words and condolences this week meant more to me than you could know.
Alex, you're welcome to join us for Christmas Eve. We will sing "Silent Night" with candles, but our service is at 6:00 P.M. That midnight stuff is for younger people than me!
Yes, I think the secret is to stop imposing standards that just won't work. Many years ago I found out that my world wouldn't crash if I didn't do stem to stern housecleaning every spring and fall. I mean everything---closets, kitchen cabinets and all the rest. That's what I had learned from my mother.
I just couldn't do all that, work more than full time, deal with a long commute, and every other thing that married women seem to face. Now I have to set the bar even lower. I'm fortunate to be able to hire help now and then, but mostly what gets done gets done. I'm good with that, and a happier camper too.
ess
I just couldn't do all that, work more than full time, deal with a long commute, and every other thing that married women seem to face. Now I have to set the bar even lower. I'm fortunate to be able to hire help now and then, but mostly what gets done gets done. I'm good with that, and a happier camper too.
ess
Oh, the wisdom, here!
I've done the meal planning thing for years to save $$. Works for MS, too!
I learned to give up controlling every little thing through Al Anon a few years back - I have a bunch of users/alcoholics/codependants in my family, and this helped me cope. Works for MS, too.
And the house? Well...that's never been squeaky clean. Yeah, some spiders have secure shelter, and eat other insects, and my cats take care of any rodents within 30 yards of the place (good kitties!). The kitchen is where I draw the line, though. Luckily, whatever I can't do, my hubby takes up the slack if I ask him nicely. I know he can't read my mind, even 26 years later. I never expected him to.
Great thread!
Guitar_grrrl
I've done the meal planning thing for years to save $$. Works for MS, too!
I learned to give up controlling every little thing through Al Anon a few years back - I have a bunch of users/alcoholics/codependants in my family, and this helped me cope. Works for MS, too.
And the house? Well...that's never been squeaky clean. Yeah, some spiders have secure shelter, and eat other insects, and my cats take care of any rodents within 30 yards of the place (good kitties!). The kitchen is where I draw the line, though. Luckily, whatever I can't do, my hubby takes up the slack if I ask him nicely. I know he can't read my mind, even 26 years later. I never expected him to.
Great thread!
Guitar_grrrl
From my hard wiring and life experiences I should of been a mass gun man. Through the journey I have learned to acknowledge and the RAGE. My sister who died at my age took the path of drugs and crime I was destined for with our background. MS did not help my anger but I got counseling.
I was thinking today I am grateful for my life even with MS. Most Neurological disorders are much worse.
"It is not what happens to you in life it is what you do about it". "I have MS, MS does not have me".
Alex
I was thinking today I am grateful for my life even with MS. Most Neurological disorders are much worse.
"It is not what happens to you in life it is what you do about it". "I have MS, MS does not have me".
Alex
Guess I fall in to that "Hard Wired" person you are speaking of. And yes, that is just my personality.
I am very hard on myself and expect more from myself. But I just can not give anymore and that really pisses me off. I like to be in control. So being dx w/ a lifetime illness, that pops in and out of my life whenever it feels like, is hard for me to deal with mentally!
So, with that being said, what I have done this past week is.......instead of me thinking aboout all the things I did NOT accomplish today.........I write down all the things I DID accomplish that day!!
WHA - LAH! It is helping me thus far so that is a good thing. I shall continue to learn to let go a little more everyday and realize that I don't have to be "The One" to do everything for this family. I can share...LOL
Take Care,
~Tonya
I am very hard on myself and expect more from myself. But I just can not give anymore and that really pisses me off. I like to be in control. So being dx w/ a lifetime illness, that pops in and out of my life whenever it feels like, is hard for me to deal with mentally!
So, with that being said, what I have done this past week is.......instead of me thinking aboout all the things I did NOT accomplish today.........I write down all the things I DID accomplish that day!!
WHA - LAH! It is helping me thus far so that is a good thing. I shall continue to learn to let go a little more everyday and realize that I don't have to be "The One" to do everything for this family. I can share...LOL
Take Care,
~Tonya
WAF, I think a lot of it comes from the personality we are born with to begin with. Then on top of that we gather life experience and how we handle those experiences can also influence that calm.
Maybe its my addled brain that allows me to forget problems and move on pretty fast. :-)
On the flip side I know many women who can''t let go - they are hard wired to drive themselves and those around them all the time to do more, be more, want more, etc.
I wouldn't say one way is better than the other - its just the way we are.
You may do as Q suggested and try meditation, or some form of physical exercise - it really does help to calm the body and the mind.
feel better,
L
Maybe its my addled brain that allows me to forget problems and move on pretty fast. :-)
On the flip side I know many women who can''t let go - they are hard wired to drive themselves and those around them all the time to do more, be more, want more, etc.
I wouldn't say one way is better than the other - its just the way we are.
You may do as Q suggested and try meditation, or some form of physical exercise - it really does help to calm the body and the mind.
feel better,
L
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh Quix that was so funny, i couldnt keep track of anything and i was in fits of laughter, i couldnt get decahedron out of my mind and that was it for me, it was like trying to follow eisher.
Thats how i cope, laughter! Seriously, laughter is the best medicine get those endorphins pumping. With so much to do before Christmas and no energy to do anything i asked my son for a dupicating machine his response "well we could do that but you know you'd still have complications. The problem with cloning is that the clone would not want to do it either!" Here i was thinking 2 of me would make light work but not so, it would just be 2 me's on the floor.lol
Pick your battles, dont sweat the small stuff etc are all old but true!
Iittle things that make a difference for me is getting the groceries delivered, buy on line and save the energy for more important things. The beds are not made somedays so i close the door, I dont buy clothes that need ironing, cobwebs mean your giving another living creature a home. One pot dinners are better than dinners that use 10, make a rule of no complaints if they dont want to eat it then thats fine but the kitchen is closed, no more cooking different meals saves me a lot of energy.
Cheers.....JJ
Thats how i cope, laughter! Seriously, laughter is the best medicine get those endorphins pumping. With so much to do before Christmas and no energy to do anything i asked my son for a dupicating machine his response "well we could do that but you know you'd still have complications. The problem with cloning is that the clone would not want to do it either!" Here i was thinking 2 of me would make light work but not so, it would just be 2 me's on the floor.lol
Pick your battles, dont sweat the small stuff etc are all old but true!
Iittle things that make a difference for me is getting the groceries delivered, buy on line and save the energy for more important things. The beds are not made somedays so i close the door, I dont buy clothes that need ironing, cobwebs mean your giving another living creature a home. One pot dinners are better than dinners that use 10, make a rule of no complaints if they dont want to eat it then thats fine but the kitchen is closed, no more cooking different meals saves me a lot of energy.
Cheers.....JJ
Ironically MS made me calm. My brain is vacuous these days. It used to race.
MS has advantages. My peaceful mind. My truly living in the moment with out fear. More security in my marriage. Learning how to handle pain. Forcing me to be a nicer person because no one wants to deal with a demanding disabled person.
I learned at the State Mental Hospital you can be really crazy but people will not put up with you unless you are nice.
I say to myself every day "Its not all about me". I wrote that out one hundred times the other day in preparation of the holidays.
Alex
MS has advantages. My peaceful mind. My truly living in the moment with out fear. More security in my marriage. Learning how to handle pain. Forcing me to be a nicer person because no one wants to deal with a demanding disabled person.
I learned at the State Mental Hospital you can be really crazy but people will not put up with you unless you are nice.
I say to myself every day "Its not all about me". I wrote that out one hundred times the other day in preparation of the holidays.
Alex
I envy both of you your calmness, your ability to let go, to go with the flow. Like you, I don't have much energy and I know how much it costs me to fight things, but I just can't stifle that impulse to resist, to take a stand. I agree that the amount of energy we have each day is just so limited - we need to use it for what counts. I just don't know how to reach the point of true calm - I can pretend things don't matter, but inside I'm churning, burning up energy. My question to you: How did you reach the point of being able to truly let go, to relax and be comfortable with what is? I want to be able to live like that, but don't know how to get there.
WAF
WAF
We were traveling in a Subaru station wagon with the two dalmatians in the back seat with luggage and our 85 pound golden/shepherd in the far back with a cooler and luggage. He and one dalmatian fight. Mike was thinking the crates which were too big would be in the back stacked up with the dog on top. If they had fit it was not going to be much fun for the dog to perch on these metal dog crates. Mike jammed them in realized it was not going to work and by then they were stuck and tangled together. He finally got them out and we did what I suggested and tied them on the roof rack. The drive was good all the dogs were happy.
Alex
Alex
This is great. Thanks for posting.
I have always been one of the most disorganized people I know. I figured out that DH's mother followed him around all the time picking up after him and he learned to just drop things where he was and she would take care of it. I have had him for 14 years and by the time he is 70 he should be perfect :)
Pretty much I accepted a long time ago that my house is not going to be clean. I have been noticing more and more lately just how dirty it is. So my plan is to start room by room and take on a very small section at a time.
The tip about the notes in phone has been my saving grace daily as I have about a 30 sec memory when it comes to important things I need to do.
My new phone allow me to write notes and slide the notepad to my home screen so I see it every time I look at my phone.
I love the grocery meal planner. I have been telling myself to do it for quite some time now. Looking at my cupboards and how much duplicate stuff I buy, I know I would save alot of time and money.
Filing is a really bad issue for me. My email, bills all of it. That is one they say causes more stress than a traumatic incident. So I can not speak for myself, but I know it is important to do filing immediatly.
Ok that is all I have. I can't wait to read more
D
I have always been one of the most disorganized people I know. I figured out that DH's mother followed him around all the time picking up after him and he learned to just drop things where he was and she would take care of it. I have had him for 14 years and by the time he is 70 he should be perfect :)
Pretty much I accepted a long time ago that my house is not going to be clean. I have been noticing more and more lately just how dirty it is. So my plan is to start room by room and take on a very small section at a time.
The tip about the notes in phone has been my saving grace daily as I have about a 30 sec memory when it comes to important things I need to do.
My new phone allow me to write notes and slide the notepad to my home screen so I see it every time I look at my phone.
I love the grocery meal planner. I have been telling myself to do it for quite some time now. Looking at my cupboards and how much duplicate stuff I buy, I know I would save alot of time and money.
Filing is a really bad issue for me. My email, bills all of it. That is one they say causes more stress than a traumatic incident. So I can not speak for myself, but I know it is important to do filing immediatly.
Ok that is all I have. I can't wait to read more
D
I find quiet acceptance is helpful in coping with all things. I don't mean resignation but just acceptance. Accept that the house isn't perfect. Accept that my family doesn't always do things the way I want to. Accept that I may not always be up to doing what I want to do.
In other words, I try very hard to go with the flow. It is what it is. As a libra, that is pretty easy to do.
be well,
Lulu
In other words, I try very hard to go with the flow. It is what it is. As a libra, that is pretty easy to do.
be well,
Lulu
Hey Alex,
Great comparison on the energy bank ... that is perfect! Also, your story about the dog crates really cracked me up! I could totally picture that in my head ... how long did it take for him to see it your way?
Happy Holidays!
Blessings,
ArmyGirl73
Great comparison on the energy bank ... that is perfect! Also, your story about the dog crates really cracked me up! I could totally picture that in my head ... how long did it take for him to see it your way?
Happy Holidays!
Blessings,
ArmyGirl73
I have to have a planned schedule written out on my refrigerator of things I have to do.
I list chores and my husband helps.
If someone is annoying or hurtful I picture blowing a big bubble gum bubble around me. Words bounce of and it muffles sounds.
I look at my energy as money in the bank I only have so much to spend.
Most of all I do not need to control a situation. I do not have the energy. I have to tell myself what happens, happens. The world will not end. For example at Thanksgiving I planned for the folded dog crates to go on the roof rack. My husband thought they should go in the car. I let him figure out on his own why that would not work and they did go on the roof.
Most importantly laugh often. The holidays are about joy.
For those grieving that is o.k. I still can't get through "Silent Night". My father who was a minister always ended his midnight service with us streaming out of the church or military chapel with candles and "Silent Night".
Peace on Earth May be.
Alex
I list chores and my husband helps.
If someone is annoying or hurtful I picture blowing a big bubble gum bubble around me. Words bounce of and it muffles sounds.
I look at my energy as money in the bank I only have so much to spend.
Most of all I do not need to control a situation. I do not have the energy. I have to tell myself what happens, happens. The world will not end. For example at Thanksgiving I planned for the folded dog crates to go on the roof rack. My husband thought they should go in the car. I let him figure out on his own why that would not work and they did go on the roof.
Most importantly laugh often. The holidays are about joy.
For those grieving that is o.k. I still can't get through "Silent Night". My father who was a minister always ended his midnight service with us streaming out of the church or military chapel with candles and "Silent Night".
Peace on Earth May be.
Alex
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