I'm so discoraged

[carrieblackwell77]

This morning my husband was so mad about the state of the house, which is messy and kinda laid into me about it.  I am newly diagnosed as I posted the other day and still recovering from a long relapse.  He has been really good and supportive and this is not his normal style but it really cut at my hard feelings on myself.

I'm a stay at home mom with a 20mo old and a 3 year old and I feel like I'm in way over my head.  We are so broke and I'm always trying to scrape us by and with all the doctor visits I feel guilty for that taking up money.  Then last month our refrigerator broke and the car needed fixed so we are super tight.

I always feel like I'm never enough as a wife and mother and house keeper.  I never want sex, I never have energy to clean or cook or be as active as I want with the kids. I was already feeling inadequate before this morning.  

I am afraid to push myself physically because I'm really afraid of relapsing again and we don't have AC and it's hot and I feel like crap when I do anything because I get too hot.  It just seems like between the heat and the kids and my body, it's all working against me getting anything done.  

Thanks, I just needed to vent to people who understand this.

[MommyofNatTyZach]

Hi. It sounds like there is more than just the house being messy that is bothering him. He is probably feeling all the stress that you mentioned and worrying about you, he just chose the house, because it is something that can be fixed.

I am sorry you are feeling so poorly. My hubby does not like a messy house either. The other day I was talking to him about feeling well and he made a good point, that I may never feel like my old self again and we have to do the best we can.

Take one day at a time. I pray you feel better soon! I understand being stressed and tired.

[Corriel]

Hi there, I agree with mommy that I imagine he is feeling more than usual stress and he lashed out. I know it hurt you though which only adds to your feelings.

Remeber that you are going through a very difficult time physically and not just emotionally and let him know how you feel and acknowledge that he may be feeling helpless and inadequate as a provider and you are both probably feeling anger and disappointment towards yourselves.

The heat, two small children and your illness take a toll and when financial strain is thrown into it, things will blow up after a while.

Take care of yourself and try to explain how you are feeling, that can help both of you.

Hugs,
Corrie

[cramp_n_mystyle]

  I agree with the others;that your husband wasn't intending to lash out at you,but was feeling the need to vent some frustration of his own.This is where the two of you can sit down and share your feelings and work out solutions and while each of you may still vent from time to time,you'll probably find it's less often.

  I know what it's like trying to take care of a household when the heat makes you so sick! I've lived in mobile homes/trailers...the first one was old,and at first we had no AC.To get relief,I would take a quick,cool shower,and wear a cold wet towel around my neck.Check with the MS foundation to see if you can get a vest.

[HVAC]

Just do what you can thats all you can do. He has a lot on his plate too so try to not take in personally. Marriage is a dance you try not to step on each others toes but sometimes you do.

Alex

[Ojibajo]

I don't know if you have any family or friends around that can help you out with anything. I never used to want help, but if they offer help with anything, babysitting so you can clean or take a nap, cleaning so you can nap or play with the kids, whatever, TAKE IT!

My step-dad came over and weed-whipped by yard. I would have taken at least three times as long because I would have to stop and rest and come inside and cool off every so often. He has NO IDEA what a help that was to me!

[carrieblackwell77]

Thanks everyone!  We did talk about it and of course you all were right.  He's had an extra long week with the 4th and all and was tired and cranky and didn't mean it.  I explained that he needs to tread a little lighter in that area as I have a lot of feelings of inadequecy and all, he understood.  

Someone suggested we go to a newly diagnosed meeting and I do think that's a great idea for us too.  

Anyhow, thanks for responding everyone, it really helped that you all said what you did instead of calling him a jerk, I really didn't want to paint him in a bad light, he is wonderful really.

[PastorDan]

Vent here anytime.  Most of us do from time to time.  Where are you?  We could sit down & do marriage counseling, no charge. ;;D

[carrieblackwell77]

Thank you so much!  I'm in Colorado, even if you aren't close I think some form of counseling even if it's in the form of a newly diagnosed group is a good idea for the both of us.  We have a great marriage but this is definitely something that causes a big change and something like that is a good idea to educate us and work through this diagnosis before it does cause problems.  Thank you again!