Hi lovely guys and dolls,
I just got back from my summer vacation, whilst i've been sweltering you apparently have been upto your armpits in snow, heat waves and blizzards makes you think there maybe something to this global warming stuff lol.
Anyhoo, the summer heat brought on pain, i feel like such a noodle head, in winter i can deal with the pain i feel but last summer i could only remember the fatigue so i really wasnt prepared for the never ending pain, sheesh i didnt even know i had musles in some of the places i hurt, who strains an arm muscle putting the lid on the blender, only me lol. I tried so hard to conserve energy for when i needed it, never seemed to get enough in the heat but i think if i'm honest with my self, i should be glad i managed to do the things i did do.
I've been away camping, ok i still had aircon but most of the time i was down the river in next to nothing, sitting under a huge shade with my feet in the cold river, drinking enough iced water to sink a battle ship and popping pain killers like candy so i could pretend to be having a grand old time. I did enjoy the change of senery, koala's in the trees, the sound of children laughing and exploring like only children can, the adults drinking, laughing and enjoying themselves, all that was nice and i'm glad i went.
I had a goal to get back on my wakeboard, I think it was a symbol of the active person i was before 2009 and i wasn't ready to accept i wouldn't or couldn't still be who i and everyone else saw me as, active and unstopable. Reality is a b itch sometimes, it took all my strength and energy to hold onto the jetski whilst i observed my boy wakeboard, no pain no gain mentality but gee i paid the price sometimes. I did think it was now or never, i was hurting anyway and if i ended up hurting because i'd been on my wakeboard, then at least i'd have a reason and not just because i breeth, did i ever tell you i'm a tad stuborn.
It felt good to be in the water ready for the roar of the engine, i was pumping pure adrenaline but i just couldn't get enough strength in my legs to stand up, they had nothing, useless lumps that let me down. I tried 4 times, i pop out of the water fast, twisting as i feel myself being propelled forward but without the water to support me i could do nothing about my legs, they just wouldnt cooperate, and i never made it. I would of been happy with a few meters, enough to feel the wind in my face and the satisfaction of spitting in the face of what ever is chipping away at me but alas it wasnt to be. I ended up counting out the pain of the charley horse pain that was too much to ignore, bobbing in the water fighting the pain whilst my son worried at my display of frailty, me hoping he works out i'm never going to give up and that makes me stronger.
Pitty i'd forgotten to fuel myself before hand, no sooner had i sat down and i knew i was on my way out, energy leaving me faster than i'm use to, no time for me to do anything to stop it. I managed to say "words gone" it was somewhat garbled but enough said to get a sugary drink poored down my throat and a hand full of glucose tablets thrust in my hand. Not thinking just doing and i ended up high enough to laugh it off, much to the relief of everyone who saw me deflate as quickly as a balloon, it was too quick and i think the adrenaline i was running off before hand was enough to hide the signs of a hypo coming on, that and the stupid attempt at wakeboarding which really zapped what little energy i had stored anyway. You live and learn! lol
Funny thing did happen, just before Xmas i'd mentioned this weird thing of the veins starting to become really noticable, blue and standing out when it had never happened before. I think its because of the summer heat, my circulation and temperature gage seems to have deserted me even more these past few weeks. I even had veins blue and ropey on my toes, veins in the joints of my fingers bulging out from their hiding places, did you know you have 2 veins that run over your anckle about an inch apart? well i know i do cause i'm looking at it, thick ropes of blue almost a cm bulging above the skin, just another oddity. Oh yes something else turned up, i've had this circular rash (discoid lupus looking) that pops up in the summer on my leg, i've had it in other places too but this one has stayed since last summer. Well, another one on the other leg turned up and then one showed up on my back, i wonder if they will disapear again and if you know if this is something you have too, please let me know.
Anyhoo, i've gone on and on so i'd better just say, i missed our little chats and i'm glad to be back!
Cheers.........JJ