My Results

[Sandpuff]

Thank you all for your wonderful support, encouraging words and advice.  I met with my neurologist this morning.  I was scared, but prepared to hear that they found lesions.  On the other hand, I was even more terrified of them telling me my results were normal, which in my mind would be worse because that would mean I went through all of this for nothing.  Thousands of dollars down the drain because I'm a hypochondriac, I put waterproof mascara on because I knew no matter what they told me I was going to bawl.  I entered the office highly expecting to hear that there were lesions on my mri because of the symptoms I had yesterday, and the reality of what I could be facing started to hit me.  When the nurse took my blood pressure she asked if I was nervous because it was high.  I was beyond nervous, my heart was pounding, because I knew no matter what they told me it was not going to be good news.

The doctor came in.  He hadn't received the mri report yet because it had not been transcribed, so he dialed up an automated system and together we listened to the radiologist's report.  Through all the medical jargon I caught the word I most dreaded - normal.  Normal this, normal that, normal, normal, normal.  I sat there stunned, I could barely talk.  The doctor said, "well, at least you don't have ms."  He looked at me and saw my grieved expression and said, "That's good!"  And something hit me...that was good!  I asked him if it was normal for stress to cause my symptoms, specifically the strong electric jolt in my hands, and he said that nothing I was experiencing is normal, but yes, stress could cause that.  Amazingly, I wasn't upset, I didn't cry, I didn't get angry.  I felt something I didn't expect to feel...relief.  Because my symptoms seemed to me to point so clearly to ms, what that would mean had really taken hold of me this morning.  So, when I got the word that there were no lesions, I could feel what I needed to finally feel.

I do know that many times test results are wrong, and that there can be a real physical cause that is missed by testing, so I am in no way telling anyone in limbo that they don't truly have something going on.  For me, it was a real physical thing, but my physical symptoms have all been caused by stress.  Finding out nothing this time has freed me from thoughts that maybe I had ms.  And that was what I needed.  I had refused their diagnosis of anxiety because I couldn't see anything in my life that was causing the anxiety.  However, most of this started a couple months ago when I went to the doctor to refill a prescription and she decided to do ct scans of my lymph nodes.  So then it got my mind going, and I've come to the conclusion that the testing itself may have been the cause of a lot of my symptoms, because I definitely had anxiety when waiting for test results.

So, I am now planning on moving on.  I am going to do what my doctors told me to do.  My neurologist was so kind this morning.  He really cared and did not act like I was wasting his time at all.  And he spent time asking me questions and explaining things to me in a way that reassured me.  If he had handled things differently I don't know that I would have been able to hold it together.  

I may have to avoid this forum for awhile so that I don't get myself worked up again, but I will still occasionally check in because I really appreciate what this forum has done for me.  It gave me, a limbo-lander, a safe and accepting place to address my concerns.  I appreciate you all so much, and my wish for all of you limbo-landers is that you get the answers you so need and deserve.

Take Care

[Lulu54]

Dear Sandpuff,
I'm sure I speak for all of us here when I tell you how honored I feel that you would take the time to so eloquently express your experience in limboland rather than just disappear off the radar.  You are so wise to process all of this in such a calm and thoughtful way.

Please do pop in when you feel the urge to check on us - we can use all the friends we can get.  

My heartfelt best wishes for you to continue healing,  Lulu

[Sandpuff]

Wow, what a forum, you guys are so great!  You all are one of the good things that came out of all this!  As a limbo lander you can feel so alone sometimes, and the fact that no one here ever put me down for wanting a diagnosis is a testimony in itself.  The more people I talk to, the more I realize I'm not alone.  I feel a huge load is lifted.  I feel I have a better understanding of myself and that I can get back to life.  I owe so much to you all, and I will check in to see how everyone is doing, I just have to be careful to not get carried away.  

To everyone in limbo, I pray for answers for you so that you can get the help you need.  My answer wasn't what I really wanted or expected, but now that I have it I feel so relieved.  I am going to see a therapist and the Provigil has given me the energy to enjoy my days, which is the other wonderful thing that came out of all this.  

Quix, thanks for all you are to the people in this forum.  Your insight is so valuable, and the time you take to think through each person's situation astounds me.  I know there are others on here that do the same thing, I just don't know your names, but thank you.

Wobbly and Doni, I'll be thinking of you especially my fellow limbo-ers!  Anyone in limbo has a soft spot in my heart because I know what a painful and misunderstood place that can be.  I hope your answers will come very soon, please don't give up or get discouraged.  I hope my experience doesn't discourage you, that's the last thing I want.  In limbo-land it's hard to know what to want!  Thanks for all your insight to my posts, you were so helpful.

Shell, thank you for your kind words and for letting me know I can stick around if I want! You all have been too kind to me for me to leave you high and dry.  I feel like I'm starting anew and can focus on other things in my life.  But, if there is anything I can do to help others going through this I will try to do that.  I will check in occasionally if I can.

What a wonderful community, you need an award!!!  ((((((Hugs))))) to you all!!

[doni54]

I am so very happy for you and thank you for this post.  I agree it would make a great Health Page.

It is especially good to hear of a real compassionate neuro, I knew there were some out there!!  I am so happy that you found a good dr and that he treated you so kindly.  

Please take care of yourself and know if you ever need us, we're here for you.  At least pop in and let us know how things are going.  We're gonna miss you and much enjoyed you being with us.

Hugs
doni

[Quixotic1]

What a nice post and one I think we should all keep, perhaps in a Health Page of Testimonials.  I think you are absolutely right in approaching it this way.  Perhaps it is stress-induced anxiety and it is great that you don't have MS!

Take a break from thinking about all of this, but do stay in touch.  Once things quiet down you will know if the symptoms quiet down with them.  Get your life back on track.  If there is anything that you need to follow up on, it will make itself known.  

How unbelieveably wonderful that your doctor took the time to let you decompress for all the worry!  This is usually the point when doctors want to be rid of you.  What kindness and compaasion he showed.  If you ever need one again, you know where to find a good neurologist.

We remain your friends and cyberfamily

Quix

[Wobbly]

well, I'm happy that it went so well, it's really nice to hear some good results for a change and good feedback about your Dr..

I hope you feel better and continue with improving your health... now don't forget us...we will miss you here so check in and let us know how your feeling once in awhile..

take care

wobbly
undx

[sllowe]

Hey you,

Oh, I am so glad to hear how this Dr. handled your feelings, your results and your situation.  He does sound very caring and very much a professional. As we very well know, stress can cause so many problems, as can anxiety.  Hopefully you get to the bottom of the main problem and get some relief for it.  Thankfully, many people respond so very well to the medications, or other methods of controlling it.

I'm glad you took the time to explain your experience with us.  I hope that treatment and peace from knowing what you are dealing with serve you so very well in your future.  And, if it doesn't DON'T GIVE UP! PROMISE???

You absolutely do not have to leave us, and you know our MOB rules by now, but if you have to do this for you, then please do what you have to, it's understandable.  Heck, you could of left us hi and dry and we'd wonder what happened to ya! But you didn't, you let us know.

It's been a pleasure having you here with us.  I hope you do plan on keeping us posted. Share how you are doing and offer advice and support if you can.

Take care too,
(((hugs))))
Shell