Whatever you are going throug Keeping Hope

[HVAC]

I had my 4rth chemo yesterday. I am very sick today and tired. I have to think about a double masectomy when this treatment is finished. MS, ovarian cancer, and now my breasts. I wonder where it will stop. I have a lot of hope. I could list all the bad things which have happened and feel sorry for myself. Instead I go oh I got through that disease it seems like no big deal now. I know from my history I can endure a lot. I am learning to be honest and ask for help. It is not easy to say to a Doctor I am depressed, I do not like this. I did that yesterday and we came up with action plans. I talked to a dietician who came up with a back to eating plan. She spent hours coming up with a menu of foods I will eat. She told me I need a minimum of 1850-2200 calories a day. We figure out calories of six meals a day. Then the pharmacist explained my chemo to me, no one had. Turns out I have had every adverse effect. We worked on anti nausea drugs. I was never told how to take them right. I am going to my GP to talk about things as well, since she knows me best. The Cancer Doctor recommended it.

It is hard to be hopeful when you are so sick and have so many factors. Many future factors could be hard. I can't live in worse case scenarios. This is so daunting. I have to get through the day. Or the moment.

I have always had to fight so I guess that is good. The best way to fight is to relax and ask for help when ever you can get it. Hope dies last.

Alex

It is hard with what I know and the certainties.

[jibjen]

Hey girl,

Every thought and prayer is being sent to you!... I am happy to hear you had a great day!

Your an amazing person!

Jibs!

[Dagun]

That is just great to hear Alex, wishing you more of those kind of days, many many more.
Dagun

[Audrey_M]

Sometimes laughter is the best medicine!

It makes me very happy to know that you are having a good day.

[HVAC]

I saw my GP today. She said "You really make Cancer look good. You look vibrant and healthy". We both laughed. Today has been a good day. Did some laundry, gave Polly a bath, a friend took me to the Doctor and to do errands. How the day to day can be so much fun. I am going to tea later. The ladies are each making me food to take home. All to the dieticians specifications. Life is good!

Alex

[Jacksmom516]

Alex

There is not much more to say that hasn't already been said,  You are an amazing individual who always sees the good side of things even when you are going through something so incredibly awful. Your grace, poise, and words of hope and encouragement are inspiration to us all here.  

Thank you for all you do for us!

Always
Tracy

[maestro1959]

Alex,

You can do this.  You are doing this, and with more than a modicum of panache.  MS is bad enough without the complication of another disease like cancer.

I have been away from this forum for a long time, and had forgotten the strength I derive from all of the people who find their way here to, yes share problems or give updates, but mostky to give words of encouragement.

Most of you come, and quietly give of yourselves.  In so doing, however you leave a part of who you are, who you are becoming as a result of this disease with which you have been entrusted, and I am made better because of you.

Thank you, Alex for the grace you are exhibiting as you make your way through this storm.  You are going to make it.  I have no doubt.  I pray blessing upon blessing, immeasurable strength, and peace that passes all your understanding for you.  

Truly,
Beth

[Maks322]

So sorry to hear of your struggles, keep the faith, better days have to be around the corner.  You are so strong
Thinking of you,
Maureen

[Maks322]

So sorry to hear of your struggles, keep the faith, better days have to be around the corner.  You are so strong
Thinking of you,
Maureen

[sandythegeek2]

Alex, I'm so sorry. Thank you for sharing your days with us. Thank you for teaching us hope. Thank you for being you.

Big gentle hugs,
Sandy

[Dagun]

As always, each time stronger than before, you fight everything that comes your way with such a dignity. Thinking of you, hoping for better days to come.
My best wishes for you my friend,
Dagun

[supermum_ms]

You have the strength of a lion and the heart of an angle

Thinking of you!

[doublevision1]

Alex - I am sorry this has been and continues to be such a rough road for you.  I'm sorry that the chemo is causing you so much misery.  This stinks.  Thank you for keeping us updated, you know we are all rooting for you.

[HVAC]

I do not just have a  family history but I have the missing BRAC 1 genes in my own genetics giving me a 90% chance of breast cancer on top of stage IIIc Ovarian Cancer. Now that my Ovarian Cancer is able to be put is remission I am not eager to go through Chemo and radiation down the road for breast cancer since this has been so bad. I am not sure I can make it through this round. Each chemo is worse than the one before and I went into anaphylaxis last night when I got home. I have every bad reaction you can have. My Doctors are calling me failure to thrive right now and are worried about my survival. Which means it will be worse on round five. It builds up in your system. It does not get better. Many people cannot finish this particular chemo they get too sick. Today I feeel better after a boat load of medications. They say I am one of the sickest patients they have ever had. I am in starvation mode now.

I think I will get through it. I am tough.

Alex

[dogmum]

I can only echo what's already been said.  You're an amazing woman to be tackling this as you have and an encouragement to so many.  Know that you're often in my thoughts and prayers.  

Wishing you the very best,

Laura

[Audrey_M]

Amazing Grace, that's what you are. Truly inspirational.

You don't mince words with how serious this all is at every step of the way, yet you exude an inner strength that is breathtaking. Thank you for your candor.

Please know that many of us are walking along side of you spiritually during this journey. If I could wave a magic wand, I would do so and make your next two rounds of chemo trouble fee and most importantly, completely curative.

I am grateful that you are finally getting the quality of care that was so lacking at UNC. It sounds as if they have all the bases covered in your care.

With your high risk family history, I had wondered about preventative surgery as a treatment option. You answered that question with this post. It is so much to consider, yet at the same time it seems that you have a team that is compassionate, caring and fully engaged in providing you with information to help you make decisions.

Hope springs eternal.

(((Audrey)))

[HVAC]

Thanks I have two more chemos and my numbers are coming down so I do not need a c-scan yet. Each chemo is worse than the one before because of the two nasty drugs. I had an Allergic reaction this time my throat swelled up and my ears were ringing. The Doctors are really worried because I have lost so much weight. They tell me I can't lose anymore weight and make it. I am eating. The nutritionist finally came up with an eating plan just for me.  The Doctor gets that my case is complicated and fragile. They try to treat one symptom and I get deadly with another. Getting my sleeping under control seems key. I have hardly slept since May and that makes the symptoms worse and does not promote healing. I am going to my GP to talk about sleep tomorrow since she knows my case the best. At least they are keeping close tabs on me. They are letting me know how important it is for me to call in. They are also worried about me psychologically with all this. They realize I have the MS as well and how hard it is to face all three things at once.

Yesterday was pure awful. Every symptom at full throttle and unable to rest. Finally I took two Xanaflex, two fentanly patches (the pain was horrible), Xanax, liquid benadryl in the evening, and then when I woke up at midnight and Ambien. I woke up fine this morning.

I am eating even though I do not want to. They gave me a specific plan and said it is like taking medicine. I never thought eating would be as bad as taking nasty medicine. Nothing tastes good and then I get sick when I eat. I am not throwing up at least.

Alex

[johnniebear]

As I've read your posts over the years and  you have been thrown many of lives curve balls,  you've always seemed to adjust to each situation.



As you know my son is in remission  right now and we went through a period of time when we didn't  know what type of cancer he had,  how far it spread.  YOU CAN BEAT THIS,,,

Good things will happen for good people -I will continue to send positive thoughts and prayers your way.

your friend
JB

[rendean]

Alex,

I know you and you are a tough yet kind indvdual who handles the most frustrating, pain inducing, heartbreaking things in such a phenomonal way. To repeat a common theme from these responses, you ARE inspirational and awe inspiring.

Your insight into individuals and the world in general is summed up by your last poignant sentence,"Hope dies last". Don't give up hope even though you do know the facts and certainties.

The world needs you and the things you have to share!

Hugs,
Ren

[candy158]

Alex, I am so with everyone on this forum, in our prayers , wishes, and thoughts for you.

I , as well as Laura, got stuck and choked up on the " hope dies last", I too, am dealing with family members with cancer, and I hope you have and can get the family support and love that is so needed now.

I'm so glad that we are well enough to type on here, and fill us in as to the directions we can go to try and help you.

\You are inspiring, and such an example for us all.

Love and hugs,
Candy

[jensequitur]

Alex, you're very inspiring... I know it's difficult, but fortunately not firsthand.  I have a coworker who's going through chemo - while she's working.  Right now she's on an experimental pill that seems to be working, but it raises her blood pressure.
As Lulu sez, how many chemos left before the next CAT scan?

[michelleric]

Awww Alex...

I wish I could come right through the computer and give you a gentle hug.  You have gone through and are continuing to go through so much.  Right on top of each other.

You are an inspiring, strong,  beautiful woman and I am thinking of you and saying a prayer my friend...

XO,
Michelle

[Lulu54]

How many more rounds are they. Saying? I hope no more....

[HVAC]

Thanks everyone. I needed this the chemo is really bad this time.

[figuerpa]

Alex,

I haven't been on here for a while and until now I had no idea you were going through this. I am sorry for your pain, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

You have been such a great support to me through the few years I have been on the boards and I want you to know that I am here for you too. I know I can't be there physically but I am here if you ever need anything that I can help with.

Your wonderful attitude will get you through this, keep up your positive attitude!

Hugs,
Paula