Did I do Damage to Myself?

[Vee913]

Did I do Damage to Myself?
by Vee913


Vee913
Female, 58 years
Member since May 2009  

Recovering from 2 silent strokes, cervical arthritis and memory loss.  Still have tingling both arms, but most left arm now including fingers.  I have been withholding angry response to a "friend"'s very racial comments.  Have been able to suppress my anger until I had composure.  Last night, the culprit called as if nothing had happened.  I exploded verbally and spewed 2 weeks of anger and pent up rage.  During the phone call, the tingling in the left arm became more pronounced, and the the very top of my head was pulsating and if I could have done my own craniotomy (right term?).  It pounded for about 3 hours.  This morning, the was there, but ice helped, and now it has gone.  I've never had a headache in the top of my head before.  They are usually at the base of my skull. What do you think that was?  Was it a fluke of nature?  Have only recently been mildly hypertensive.  141/73.  Your opinion really appreciated.

[Vee913]

I feel as if you could see me through the laptop and read my mind!  Are you my longlost twin?  Wow!  You hit EVERY nail on the head!  I did have a study of my neck, and it showed arthritic problems with either C3+4 or C4=5.  The doctor said that was the cause of the numbness and tingling of BOTH arms. At times, the tingling would run up one arm, across my shoulder blades and down the other arm like a bolt of lightning.  Dr. gave me "gabapentin (sp?) for paresthesia" but I had an allergic reaction.  So I stopped.  At first the "lightning bolts" stopped at the wrist, but now involve fingers on left hand.  So when I was chewing out that lady, the tingling was no surprise, but the sharp pain in the top of my head was VERY new, and scary.  I'm one of those people that keeps my anger internalized, but when I blow, I blow.  I had taken my antidepressants right before the conversation, but they could have been baby aspirins for all the good I did.  I walked around, then decided to lie down and do the relaxation exercises my therapist gives at the beginning of sessions.  It took me a while to calm down, but finally the relaxation exercises kicked in.  The tv was on the whole time, so I found a cartoon network On Demand, and watched Tom&Jerry-type cartoons (old school cartoons are the BEST!).

I guess you're right about the blood pressure meds.  My pressure has been up only 2 months, and because I take so many anti-depressions, I was scared to add yet another pill to my list.  But you are so VERY right about finding something to bring it down.  I dont drink, smoke, gamble or eat pork (well... I sneak in some barbeque in every once in a while).  My Mom died in '92 (asthma) but she started having pressure and cholesterol issues that required meds.  I guess I'm Mom's kid genetically.

You hit it on the head literally when I worried about the pain being a stroke.  I don't even know when my other 2 strokes happened.  Friends said I had been slurring for quite some time.

You are also right about me needing to learn how to express my anger in a way that won't stroke me out.  The racial conversation had happened maybe 10 days before because I was so astounded by my (ex-)friend's that I had no words... I couldn't wrap my mind about it.  This WAS an 11 year friendship.  Do you think I kept my anger in too long and I went overboard.  Don't mistake that I blew up, but I had considered myself "subduing" my feelings.

I think your idea of getting a massage sounds delicious.  Its been years but I'm going to research and find someone in my area.

Thanks for reminding me that even though there is a lot of ignorance out there, but there are so many bridges to unite people!

Are you Ghandi Resurrected?  Your energy is SO calm and comforting.  OK.  I figured it out...:  You are Mother Theresa Resurrected!  Ahah!

GG, thank you for the great ideas, the kind words and the time you took to help out a perfect stranger.  You should be proud of yourself.  You are a rare diamond.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

[ggreg]

Dear Vee,
Physical discomfort, perhaps from your numbness and your cervical arthritis, can frustrate and confuse a person, thus anger floats to the surface.  Next time you are alone, and you become annoyed at the numbness or pain in your neck, pay attention to your level of anger.  You may notice it building up, which will verify what I am saying.  Also, check your heart rate pulse, see how fast it's going, that is also an indicator that anger is triggering a physical and mental response.  

So, once you've realized that you are more likely than an average person to blow up, make a mental note that when someone says or does something that is goofed-up, immediately put your angry feelings on hold, kind of push the button to stop it.  Move forward with the flow of thoughts, force yourself not to take other people's insensitive remarks personally.  Instead, calmly skip over it.

Your headache could be from a couple things, from what you've described about your health history.  Tension could be the culprit.  Stress settles into the shoulders and neck, tightens up those muscles, and since those muscles go up into the head, you can get a headache pretty much anywhere around the skull.  So, once in a while you have to relax those muscles, by going to a professional massage therapist once a month, or by taking a long soak in a very warm bath often, or by doing mild stretching exercises daily.  Then there's a possibility your headache might have been caused by your blood pressure ramping up when you feel anger, a typical bodily response, and that might cause the headache you had.  Therefore, could be your physician needs to revisit the BP medicine choice and/or dose you are on.  

Now, it is also possible that since you have had strokes, presumably from your hpertension, that headache might be a sign that your blood vessels reached their limit the day you lost it with your "friend," and so all the more reason to have a doc doublecheck the drug control you're taking for high blood pressure, and also he should make sure you did not have a third stroke that day, altho I think the chance of that is relatively small, considering your current BP numbers.

I want to add another thought about your health condition.  It seems to me that the numbness you have and your cervical arthritis might be connected somehow, altho I am aware that strokes can cause permanent numbness.  Anyhow, might be time to have a CAT scan of your neck, to make sure the arthritis has not increased to where it's impinging on a spinal nerve.  They can prescribe physical therapy and drugs to reduce the discomfort that causes.  

I am your age, and I myself am in constant pain from several serious physical problems, and thus I also can get SO confused, I take things all wrong, and get carried away with my frustrations and anger.  Usually this happens when it gets close to time to take my medicines, which I take them four times a day.  I take a tranquilizer, a pain medicine, and a nerve numbing drug, so when those start to need replenishment and thus aren't helping me cope with daily rough patches that are bound to come up, I can lose it, too.  So, I hope you will visit your doc, see can they prescribe some more drugs to help you cope, and make sure your health situation has not changed in any dramatic sort of way.

As you know, racial remarks are learned things, some people grow up surrounded by relatives who say ridiculous stuff, so as a result, these offenders don't necessarily realize the inequality and stupidity of what they're saying.  But in the same vein, since Republicans and Democrats marry each other, and blacks marry whites, and the Russians built a freedom memorial near the 9-11 site for the Americans, then it is certainly possible for people to get along who hold completely different beliefs and come from entirely different backgrounds.  

But in the end, I'm glad you gave that person a chewing out, maybe now she'll begin to realize there's a more loving way of looking at things, but I'm sorry you wound up with a scary headache from teaching her a lesson.  As I said, please visit your doctors to get yourself in a more comfortable place of peace, life is too short to suffer when you don't have to.
GG