Husband Problems

[rj525]

Please help me. I think I want a divorce.  I love my husband but I don't think I can live with him.  He has gotten fired form two jobs in the past two years and we have had a baby together.  I find him all the jobs, I created a website for him for his portfolio to use with the job hunting.  I organize all the bills so I credit is good, I save money, I do all the cooking and feed the baby, I tidy entire house all the time.  Since Marrying him I do nothing for myself anymore that is very important to me, like art.  I have asked him repeatedly to get a job that is consistent and one that he can do.  I taught him basic computer skills.  Now, he never found a job that can pay our bills so I found a job that begins in August which means we will need to find child care when he gets a new job.  I feel he is unintelligent.  He shirks his responsibility and NEVER admits anything on his part.  Never says that maybe he can try harder.  Everything is someone else's fault.  The organization that fired him, me, or his family.  When I found him, he was living with his father.  He said that he was helping his elderly father, but now I am not so sure.  I think he is an idiot.  My patience has run out.  I think I should divorce him but worry if it is the right decision.  I am so angry.  I feel tricked.  When we met each other I had issues too.  I have completely cleaned up my act.  I do nothing except what is good for me and others.  I am supportive and caring.  How do I get through to a person who refuses to listen?  How to I get through to a person who never views anything as his fault?  How can I ask him to leave our apartment legally?  Do I have to get a divorce before doing so?  I tell him find a job, find a place to live.  He refuses to go.   What can I do to get him out of my life???

[blackangellight]

Focus on the message not the messager. It seems the messenger is your relationship and the message is when you are in bad places in your life you cling to uncompatible partners, because a lack of some type of need. Sit down and figure out that need that you lack (ie. love affection male attention)etc. If you decide to leave or not, whenever your challenged you will pick up another guy similar.  My advice is to take some timevto make this important decision. Schedule your days and make "me-time". If you seek a resolution in yourself, your answer will there. Good Luck Hun!

[Jinx_777]

i really find it hard to believe that you did not know what you were getting when you married him.  you said he was living with his father.  you accepted that.  did he have a job then???  you sound very angry, but the person you should be angry with is yourself.  i think truly you are.  there is nothing you can do to change the past, including bad decisions you have made.  so ease up on yourself and start making better decisions now.
i don't think berating him is going to make him do anything.  you cannot make someone change, they have to want to change.  is there underlying addiction issues???  if so, maybe start there IF you love him enough.  
bottom line is he IS your baby's father.  he will be in your life forever.  
if you are sure you do not want the relationship to work then file for a divorce.  each state is different, but in most you have to give him written notice to leave.  if his name is on the lease  then you have to talk to your landlord and ask them what you should do.
it won't be an easy rode ahead, but think of what is best for your child and go from there.  good luck

[chuckpressquadup]

If you feel like it could be a mistake right now, you more than likely will definitely feel it was a mistake if you go through with it. You also have a child together, so it would be beneficial for him\her to have a stable household. I would recommend talking through your problems with him, communication is key. Also, you and your husband should try to develop a relationship with God, he can help more than anyone. God bless, keep your head up!

[Paxiled]

I should add, it does sound as if he has issues, but it sounds like you knew that when you married him.  If you really feel he's an idiot and unintelligent -- keeping in mind we have no way to measure intelligence -- it's hard to see how the respect needed in a marriage is there.

[Paxiled]

Marriage isn't a contract to change one's personality or to be good at what someone else wants you to be good at.  Your husband is who he is.  Either you love him or you don't, but if you just want material things from him then you don't love him, you love what you think he can do for you.  Obviously, that's not his priority, though since he's not on here we have no idea what his priorities are.  So either you marry for love or you marry for what you can get, and sometimes if you're lucky you get both, but if you can't accept other people for who they are then maybe marriage isn't your bag.

[me1nano]

just sit together and tell him that you love him but you can't live with him anymore because of what he's doing
and if he don't change you will get divorce