Hocd please help me

[Ajacked]

I thought I had hocd now idk what's going on in 23 I have a two year old son, I've been sleeping with my ex and enjoy it thoroughly but here lately my ice has gotten so bad that I think I've convinced myself that I'm gay, now I just keep saying I'm gay and won't come out about it, I had a homosexual experience when I was younger and haven't really thought about it every once in awhile I would and I've always been homophobic, but now I'm convinced that I'm not hocd and that I'm just gay, but I don't want to be someone please help me I'm losing my mind, "found out the girl I was sleeping with hungout with a friend and I lost my cool it hurt idk what's going on someone please help me asap

[JGF25]

Also, stress makes OCD worse.  

[JGF25]

People with OCD jump all over the place with their thoughts.  I'm 51 now and I have had it since I was a teenager.  Yes, there are times when you want to throw in the towel but you need to understand that OCD is not something you have to live with on a daily basis as long as you get treatment.  That treatment can be in the form of CBT or a combination of CBT and medication.  You didn't answer my question regarding seeing a psychologist.  Can you do this?  

[JGF25]

Is this the only thought you have had?  HOCD?  

[Ajacked]

I don't understand the question

[Ajacked]

I've always been obsessive with my thoughts it actually causes a lot of problems in my relationship if I start thinking she is cheating or something of that sort I obsess over it until I eventually lose my cool and start a huge fight,

[Ajacked]

I did a lot of reading online and things started getting better and the more I checked myself the worse it started getting now I don't really fine women attractive unless she's extremely hot I love breast and butts but I check out dudes not in a sexual manner just as to see if I find them hot or if I want to sleep with them I've never had a thought about sleeping with someone of the same sex, but now I'm obsessing over it it's stuck n my head all day as well as thinking about my girl/ex I'm losing control and it gets ten times worse at nighr

[Ajacked]

Up until this point I couldn't even crawl in my bed with my girl and not get an erection just laying there

[Ajacked]

But now that I think about it my cousins or mom or sometimes friends that were girls would ask if something looked good, I would tell them idk if I'm in denial that I'm gay or if I just don't typically lie? I'm so confused I'm tired of this crap,

[JGF25]

Just seeing if there are other irrational thoughts as well.  This is the reality...doesn't matter what happened in your past either.  If you woke up one day and said "I'm gay" would you want to run out and get a boyfriend?  If the answer is no (without thought), then you cannot possibly be gay.  If you ask the question and then sit there and ponder it, then of course you will just be right where you are.  Can you see a psychologist for some help learning how to control these thoughts?  

[Ajacked]

No it's definetly no but I have irrational thoughts all the time about various things right now I can't get suicide out of my mind and I've started finding women attractive again as of right now, but this **** changes over the course of an hour it seems like, all I know is if i am I will not continue to live, not there is Anything wrong with it just that it's not something I'm gonna do or want to do, it seems to get better and then all of a sudden it's ten times worse

[JGF25]

That is the nature of OCD.  I call it the nightmare superhighway when I'm going from thought to thought.  See my post below.