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I think I have hocd but I need help
Hi Im a 13 year old girl and its taken me a while to do this. I love guys. I've only ever had crushes on guys, I want a husband and to get married to a guy and to have kids with him. I always have opposite sex fantasies and i rarely ever have them about girls. I get aroused by lesbian porn and straight porn. I have never had a crush on a girl or wanted to be with one.This all started about a month ago when I couldn't stop looking at girls boobs.It was like I was being draw to them and I felt uncomfortable doing it. The other day a random thought popped into my head 'am i in love with my friend?' Which I know im not because the crushes I have are completely different to that. She just kept popping into my mind and I feel like i can't talk to her anymore. She is a good friend we have lots in common and shes one of my only friends (im bullied and very insecure so i tend to cling onto any friends). I told my mum about this and she said that no matter what I become she will always love me, this didn't seem to relieve any anxiety. Im constantly depressed and I keep looking for websites that tell you that you're gay and quizzes and things. My friends were talking about a celebrity they thought was hot I just looked away and pretended I didnt hear in case they thought i was lesbian. I've had a few same sex experiences, me and my friends stuck our tongues out and they touched, I don't recall liking it.Also this girl came round to my house who I barely know and we played mums and dads, she took her shirt off and told me to get in bed with her so I did but got out straight away because it didn't feel right and I didnt want anyone seeing. I just want to love guys again before this all started I was always trying to get close to them. I was at the theatre with my class and there was this boy I liked next to me and I was trying to get close to him and him to put his arm around me (when we were in year 3 him and me held hands underneath the table which I loved :} ) I have had a boyfriend in the past it was long distance but i loved him soooo much! I was really upset when we broke up. I just want to be straight again as i hate this so much. this constant anxiety and depression is taking over my life. Interfering with my relationships with friends and family. I have a few bi friends who came out but im not sure if that made me think im gay happiness is no longer in my life and i told my mum i think i might have ocd and she laughed so i don't think i'll be going to a therapist . Please help! Sorry for rambling
Thanks :}
Thanks :}
Hi again its been awhile but my mum did ring the doctors back in January, the best help I got was 'lots of people your age have it. It usually stops in 6 months if not come back In 18 months time. ' She also bought me some anxiety books to help. During February my hocd thoughts paused for a month and went to Harm Ocd (harming myself and killing myself) which was terrible! And now the gay thoughts have come back again and I'm very confused I've lost all liking towards boys but being with girls makes me gag and feels horrible, even though I still want to be in a relationship with a boy?? And during the 1 month pause the friend I thought I liked I had no thoughts about so I assumed thats hocd. Its very confusing currently any suggestions?
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Hi! Ik it’s been four years but if you could answer or someone could that would be great!! I’m 13 now and I’m literally going through the same exact things as you are. I’m worried I’ll turn gay especiwlly because I’m going to go to an all girls high school. I have only ever liked biys and the thought of liking a girls romantically MAKES ME FEEL HIRRIBLE AND GROSS EW. But I had Hocd for a bit, moved on the harm ocd and now he Hocd is back. I’m to scared to tell my mom about the gay stuff so I cover it up with things like I’m worried my life will be ruined forever. I’ve been going to a therapist and the Hocd got better for about two weeks BECAUSE I HAD A HUGE CRUSH ON A BOY. It came back and my crush died down a bit and was worse then before. I prayed and still do and it got better but now I’m in a rough patch again. The thing that worries me most is that I’m 13 and that’s a young age and on all he websites I’ve visited to re assure myself I’m not gay say that people who are gay knwk at thirteen. WHAT IF I DO?? I mean I hink some girls are pretty but I definitely DO NOT want a relationship with them. Anyway I think I’ve said everything. oh waot also my family is very carholic and conservative so being gay wouldn’t be accepted. And my dream for life is to become a nurse get married tk a MAN and have beaustifil children. That’s all I want. SOMEONE HELP!! I jsit remembered a few bings it started when I was playing episode and the option was to kiss a girl. I thought it was a boy so I got kiss bit then I realized it was a girl and then I was liemAHAY IF IM GAY. Anyways if I remeber anyrhig. Else I’ll comment again. Also I’m sorry this is so out of order I jsit hope someone could help!! Thanks
Sorry for typos I duck at typing
Also I ahve laot my attraction to boys pretty much. I jsit wanna be my normal straight self again!!
Don't get down if they diagnose you with OCD. It is what it is remember and we cannot control every aspect of our lives. I know the pain you are going through...the self-torture stinks but I promise you that you will learn to deal with it and live a very normal life with the help of a psychologist. If anything, I am proof of that! College educated, married with children, and have a professional job. This is not a death sentence...it is just a bump in the road that you need some help getting over. Once you learn the strategies they are there for life and you can use them any time you need them.
It becomes very daunting when you realise OCD doesn't go away. She kept telling me to put it in a box and lock it away. Only problem is that box won't shut. I realise HOCD is in some ways good but bad. Telling me I have HOCD would ease my anxiety a bit, but it doesn't go away. These thoughts are horrible and getting to therapy a.s.a.p seems like a good option, I kept wishing that I could survive until 18 and see a therapist alone but I hardly think I can survive another day and the support of my parents will help things out. I'd love to lead a normal life and do the things I've always wanted to do without these horrible thoughts here 24/7! I really appreciate the help. This mind game is changing everything, even when I know I never loved girls it says I always have.
It is difficult for people that do not suffer from intrusive thoughts to understand them. The bottom line is that if we could stop, we would right! I mean who wants to spend every waking moment of their day thinking things like this. OCD is a neurotransmitter imbalance in our brains. Either we learn to counter the thoughts and think differently, take medication or both, it is something that doesn't go away on its own. Mine started as a teenager in earnest. OCD doesn't go away. Once you have it, you have it but you can lead a very normal life with the proper tools to help yourself and in some cases medication is indicated. Tell you mom that if you could stop you would but that you are unable to get a handle on the thoughts and you would like to see somebody. And when you see the psychologist, tell them everything. Trust me, there isn't anything you could say to him or her that they have not already heard a million times from other people. Remember, they can't help fix what they don't know is broken.
They certainly are. These thoughts seem to be getting worse and worse as the days go on. Going to school is causing me to hide away and Im loosing a lot of friends. It just seems scary talking to her about this and then if she takes me to a psychologist what am I supposed to say? I'll try speaking to her about it, but what if she just tells me im being silly again and I need to stop?
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My suggestion would be to talk to your mom again. If you can tell her you are afraid you are turning gay, then I think you can tell her how much this thought is affecting your life and that you do need to see at the very least your primary care doc who will hopefully refer you to a psychologist and educate mom at the same time.
Take some time to read the other HOCD posts on here. My answers are usually the same and after reading your story, I don't see you being different from any of the other people who post.