please comment please help me
If you were truly gay, the urge to reject this lifestyle wouldn't be so strong. You are fighting the thoughts because you are not gay. As you can see, a lot of people suffer from HOCD so that ought to make you feel better. It is pretty common. A psychologist is really who you should be seeing but if that is not an option then please consider getting The OCD Workbook: Your guide to breaking free of OCD. You can order it online.