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Does anyone else suffer from severe HIV OCD?
hello all,
for a while now I have suffered from severe HIV OCD. I have "contracted" hiv a million different times, a million different ways. From accidentally drinking my friends drink, getting "poked" when pumping gas, getting "poked" when opening a door to a store, shaking hands, stepping on a needle, etc. I know in my mind that it is completely ridiculous but i can not seem to shake the fact that it is basically impossible to get in these ways (just after saying that, i had to knock on wood). I had about 4 HIV tests in the span of 7 months (which is completely ridiculous, i know). I often have bad thoughts about people with HIV, which i DO NOT mean. they pop into my head, and i feel so bad after they happen. I often check my body for new things, and when i do find something new, i think i was poked by an infected needle. I am sexually active -- i even made my newest partner get tested before we had sex.
I am so sorry for rambling, but I have no one else to talk to. My friends dont understand and when i do try to talk to them, they dont understand. I am so grateful that I have found this website -- it is such a relief to have complete strangers who are willing to help.
So, after my long ramble.. my question is, does anyone out there suffer from HIV OCD/anxiety? how do you deal with it?
Thank you so much and God Bless.
for a while now I have suffered from severe HIV OCD. I have "contracted" hiv a million different times, a million different ways. From accidentally drinking my friends drink, getting "poked" when pumping gas, getting "poked" when opening a door to a store, shaking hands, stepping on a needle, etc. I know in my mind that it is completely ridiculous but i can not seem to shake the fact that it is basically impossible to get in these ways (just after saying that, i had to knock on wood). I had about 4 HIV tests in the span of 7 months (which is completely ridiculous, i know). I often have bad thoughts about people with HIV, which i DO NOT mean. they pop into my head, and i feel so bad after they happen. I often check my body for new things, and when i do find something new, i think i was poked by an infected needle. I am sexually active -- i even made my newest partner get tested before we had sex.
I am so sorry for rambling, but I have no one else to talk to. My friends dont understand and when i do try to talk to them, they dont understand. I am so grateful that I have found this website -- it is such a relief to have complete strangers who are willing to help.
So, after my long ramble.. my question is, does anyone out there suffer from HIV OCD/anxiety? how do you deal with it?
Thank you so much and God Bless.
Best Answer
Did you ever feel better, even in the beginning? I'm on clonazepam myself but only for sleep. My OCD medication, Wellbutrin, works for me during the day without help of clonazepam. To some point I think we are all addicted even if it is just mentally in some cases. I probably wouldn't be able to sleep without clonazepam but I don't know if that is a mental or physical addiction. What I don't understand is why the medication isn't working for you, your OCD medication that is. Not every medication works for every person. I'm wondering if you should try a different one. Have you discussed this with your doctors?
im taking lithum for the bi polar but i dont no how to spell what i am on for ocd i am on clonazepam for anxiety bern on that for a year n a half im addicted to it they have tried to take me off and then i go thru aweful withdrawls i mean like bad ones like coming off of street drugs thats how bad it is so they keep me on it so i dont go thru withdrawls
WOW.. i didn't expect this many comments. Thank you so much everyone. It feels wonderful to know that I am not alone in this. I read somewhere that HIV OCD is so common because the symptoms are so broad. Everyday is such a struggle because I am super careful to make sure I don't potentially harm myself. I do not want to be a "rare case" of HIV (had to knock on wood again) where you can get it in a very odd way. I am really trying to steer clear of medications for now, because I want to fight this problem myself.
Do a lot of you have problems with "what if" situations? For example, what if I am the first person to get HIV in this manner?
Do a lot of you have problems with "what if" situations? For example, what if I am the first person to get HIV in this manner?
What-if is a classic OCD symptom. It's what gets us into trouble. I'm a catastrophizer so I "what-if" until the worst case scenario pops into my head which is what you are doing. Statistically, you being the first person to get HIV in a manner that is not the regular mode of transmission is pretty much zero. But our brains don't get that. Anyway, I understand you want to do it on your own. Can I suggest a book then. It is called Self-communication by Joseph Luciani. I read it and really found it helpful. Best of luck!
u r not alone i went thru an actual exposure and where im from canada its 12 weeks but that wasnt good enough i tested 14 times from may of 2010 and my last test was last week n it was.negative 14 neg. and then i go and do mutual masturbation where the guy used his saliva to lubricate my penis. ive beeb told.by so many agencies and.experts.and here on medhelp that its zero risk then i seen my doctor today and.she said zero risk no testing needed so believe me i no what ur going thru
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