HIV OCD ruining my life

[Jdr99]

I am a heterosexual, male who has never had unprotected sex. I have never used intravenous drugs. Yet I have been crippled by HIV OCD. I have had three tests in 12 months (all negative). Every time, I get convinced my doctor/pharmacist has infected me. One used a tissue to wipe my finger after the pin-prick test, and I was worrying over whether he had used that tissue on a previous patient (who was probably HIV+) and infected me with dried blood. Otherwise, I was convinced he used a test he’d used previously on a hiv+ patient (even though I’m sure I saw him open the packaging and it was brand-new and clean) and infected me by re-using the lancet thing. Right now, I’m sat here convinced a doctor/pharmacist has infected me. It’s a vicious cycle. I just don’t know what to do. My fear is unbelievable, but the testing never helps. I don’t know how or why it started, and why my OCD manifests in this way, but I’m really struggling and it is impacting how I want to live my life.