Aa
Anger Management and the young survivor
....and by young I mean anyone under????????
60? 70? I really don't know but as a woman under forty who is lucky enough to have had kids (some of us afflicted havent even had any at all) I am going through a stage of disconnect with all these people who (understandably) are my age (or older) and distraught with their mother's diagnosis. I do feel empathy I DO....and I share my experience willingly...but honestly...this disease...ANY DISEASE in a person of one age and a person FORTY years older is going to look act and be very very different.....And I know we all have to support one another and I am all for that but it feels like this is more about supporting caregivers sometimes than supporting those of us who actually have to go through this....Maybe this is just another stage of acceptance of this disease...and I mean no disrespect to anyone but I feel disregarded when I am compared constantly to women who have had full lives and I haven't yet.
60? 70? I really don't know but as a woman under forty who is lucky enough to have had kids (some of us afflicted havent even had any at all) I am going through a stage of disconnect with all these people who (understandably) are my age (or older) and distraught with their mother's diagnosis. I do feel empathy I DO....and I share my experience willingly...but honestly...this disease...ANY DISEASE in a person of one age and a person FORTY years older is going to look act and be very very different.....And I know we all have to support one another and I am all for that but it feels like this is more about supporting caregivers sometimes than supporting those of us who actually have to go through this....Maybe this is just another stage of acceptance of this disease...and I mean no disrespect to anyone but I feel disregarded when I am compared constantly to women who have had full lives and I haven't yet.
I am deeply hurt. I thought this forum was for anyone to join, and not an "Exclusive Club" for Ovarian Cancer Patients ONLY. I am so sorry I intruded in this. I am so sorry that I do not "walk in your shoes" nor can you walk in "my shoes" . I am so sorry for your battle that you have been living. I do not know of anything or any words that WILL actually comfort you EVER. I am so sorry that I barged into this site, and was in need of sympathy and empathy, and SUPPORT. I was looking for support and although I did find it, I am sorry to say that I probably shouldnt have. I had no idea this forum was strictly for patients. Please accept my apologies. And I TOO as you are, TOO TIRED TO EVEN EXPLAIN MYSELF. All I can is that Yes, I am losing MY Mother, and I AM NOT STRICKEN WITH OVARIAN CANCER MYSELF and it feels like you are saying BOOO HOOOO in my face....because she lived a life, and had children, and is OLD...etc. ETC...ETC... like I dont care about what you are going through just because I AM A CAREGIVER. SHAME ON YOU FOR BEING INSENSITVE TO US as well. SHE IS STILL A PERSON AND A HUMAN BEING. I THOUGHT THAT I DESERVED TO BE HERE, AND I GUESS I AM NOT WELCOME . I THOUGHT THAT I HAD BROUGHT JUST AS MUCH SUPPORT TO ANYONE HERE THAN YOU LADIES HAVE GIVEN ME. WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO BE ANGRY AT ME BECAUSE I AM NOT SUFFERING FROM THE CANCER AS YOU ARE??? I AM SORRY FOR THAT. IF I COULD TAKE AWAY THIS CANCER FROM EVERY WOMAN IT INFLICTED I WOULD IN A HEARTBEAT. BUT WHY DOES THAT MAKE MY FEELINGS INVALID???? WE ARE ALL IN NEED OF SUPPORT HERE! AND ITS NOT GOING TO MAKE ANYONES CANCER GO AWAY.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well said, Becky. I have read and re-read this thread and wanted to post on it, but thought better of it. I'm posting now because I'd like to suggest onthemendmamma start a new thread since this one has been so badly 'hijacked". A few things to keep in mind:
1. This forum is for everyone. Those of us with cancer as well as those who are caregivers offer a lot of advice that we need to hear.
2. No one ever said caregivers were not welcome, in general. This is a public forum, and we need people involved on every side of ovarian cancer issues to post. There is a lot of information out there we haven't even touched yet, and it takes all of us to make sure we are educated.
3. No one ever disputed the value of the research we've gotten from some caregivers. Afterall, many of them are able to do research and share it with those of us who may be going through treatment and don't have the strength or mindset to do it ourselves.
4. No one ever disputed the immense heartache caregivers go through. I have often thought I'm glad it is me suffering this disease instead of someone else close to me. The feeling of helplessness, fear, and loss they have would not be something I'd want to experience. I sometimes can't let myself be sick when I feel bad because I can't let those around me see it (which is an issue I need to work on...but that's another subject).
5. It was politely asked for this thread, and this thread ONLY, that young survivors respond. But, since this is a public forum, others can post, too. It seems some have taken offense to being asked not to post, and chose not to respect that. I don't understand why. If you wish to discuss that, perhaps a new thread would be in order since this one now resembles nothing it started out to be.
I really don't see a resolution this, because everyone has an opinion they wish to air. Discussion over a conflict is healthy, too. This one has gotten out of hand, however. So, is it going to be like other issues that have come up in the past? Is it going to linger for week upon week until someone gets so mad, they leave the forum, or threaten to? Can we please just call a truce?
Gail
1. This forum is for everyone. Those of us with cancer as well as those who are caregivers offer a lot of advice that we need to hear.
2. No one ever said caregivers were not welcome, in general. This is a public forum, and we need people involved on every side of ovarian cancer issues to post. There is a lot of information out there we haven't even touched yet, and it takes all of us to make sure we are educated.
3. No one ever disputed the value of the research we've gotten from some caregivers. Afterall, many of them are able to do research and share it with those of us who may be going through treatment and don't have the strength or mindset to do it ourselves.
4. No one ever disputed the immense heartache caregivers go through. I have often thought I'm glad it is me suffering this disease instead of someone else close to me. The feeling of helplessness, fear, and loss they have would not be something I'd want to experience. I sometimes can't let myself be sick when I feel bad because I can't let those around me see it (which is an issue I need to work on...but that's another subject).
5. It was politely asked for this thread, and this thread ONLY, that young survivors respond. But, since this is a public forum, others can post, too. It seems some have taken offense to being asked not to post, and chose not to respect that. I don't understand why. If you wish to discuss that, perhaps a new thread would be in order since this one now resembles nothing it started out to be.
I really don't see a resolution this, because everyone has an opinion they wish to air. Discussion over a conflict is healthy, too. This one has gotten out of hand, however. So, is it going to be like other issues that have come up in the past? Is it going to linger for week upon week until someone gets so mad, they leave the forum, or threaten to? Can we please just call a truce?
Gail
"Again, no one was suggesting that caregivers don't have a say on this forum...I've learned a lot from Marty about how it must feel to be on the other side of all of this - it's made me more understanding of what it must be like to be my parents or sisters or spouse. We were merely suggesting that when someone starts a post directed towards those with ovarian cancer, that it would be respectful if those who didn't have cancer didn't post replies."
I'm not understanding this...it's one post! Can we not have one lousy post to ourselves? Like I said earlier, I wouldn't post on a thread directed towards caregivers because I have never been a caregiver - does the same not hold true for the title of this thread...The young survivor??
Teresa...I'm not playing the "I'm worse off than you are" game...I was writing that in response to Beachwalker who said that because she cared for her dying Mother, she understood my pain - everyones potential loss here is immeasurable. But no - Jen does not "get" my pain.
You are right Marty - Jatoo, Bob Alan and yourself have provided loads of research for all of us here...but I suspect that, even Bob, wouldn't reply to a post that was titled "To the Young survivor" because he himself, isn't a young survivor.
I'm going to give up now because clearly I'm not conveying this correctly and I'm getting totally frustrated...maybe I should go answer some questions on the prostate cancer forum or something...
Becky
I'm not understanding this...it's one post! Can we not have one lousy post to ourselves? Like I said earlier, I wouldn't post on a thread directed towards caregivers because I have never been a caregiver - does the same not hold true for the title of this thread...The young survivor??
Teresa...I'm not playing the "I'm worse off than you are" game...I was writing that in response to Beachwalker who said that because she cared for her dying Mother, she understood my pain - everyones potential loss here is immeasurable. But no - Jen does not "get" my pain.
You are right Marty - Jatoo, Bob Alan and yourself have provided loads of research for all of us here...but I suspect that, even Bob, wouldn't reply to a post that was titled "To the Young survivor" because he himself, isn't a young survivor.
I'm going to give up now because clearly I'm not conveying this correctly and I'm getting totally frustrated...maybe I should go answer some questions on the prostate cancer forum or something...
Becky
First of all I GET IT here guys....Marty....you are like a dog with a bone and just will NOT let it go! Please just let it go and give these ladies a chance to have their own discussion without hearing how hard it is for you. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh and I feel for you and your loss but this is an issue that you have no experience with! Yes, you have had hard experiences in life but PLEASE just let it be....
Young girls...you too need to realize that whether you have a 2 year old or a 20 year old kid...it is equally hard for all of us. No one wins the prize for worst scenario here. We are all loosing things with this cancer and no one has it worse here! Sucky though that is.
Now let's us play nice and respect this thread for the young ladies going through this and let them feel free to express whatever they want without UNASKED for advise.
'Nough said! We are all ladies here and need to respect each and everyone's space.
Hugs and peace to all
Teresa/Doicat
Young girls...you too need to realize that whether you have a 2 year old or a 20 year old kid...it is equally hard for all of us. No one wins the prize for worst scenario here. We are all loosing things with this cancer and no one has it worse here! Sucky though that is.
Now let's us play nice and respect this thread for the young ladies going through this and let them feel free to express whatever they want without UNASKED for advise.
'Nough said! We are all ladies here and need to respect each and everyone's space.
Hugs and peace to all
Teresa/Doicat
You as the patient think about the ones you possibly might leave behind, do not worry, life goes on, no one is irreplacable, we like to think we are but in reality we are not."
Since I was the one that wrote the above post , let me try and explain a little furthur just what I meant to convey. When anyone dies , they leave some loved ones behind, life does go on, they go on living, as they should. We can no longer direct the ways of the living from the grave, that job belongs to others now, your words and love linger on but deceasions are no longer yours. this post was not done to hurt any one, far be it from me to ever hurt anyone, I am a realist and so I look at life and death maybe a little different from some of you. As a nurse in a MASH unit in Korea in 1952-53 I saw death and life everyday, working as a nurse for many years I sat with death many days, held hands and cried along with the family. The toughest ones were the children, to lose a gentle soul so young is hard, I do not consider myself irreplacable, I know that my loved ones will remember me but for them life will go on. So all I can say is I guess the post was my opinion and if it bothered you, I am sorry. marty
Since I was the one that wrote the above post , let me try and explain a little furthur just what I meant to convey. When anyone dies , they leave some loved ones behind, life does go on, they go on living, as they should. We can no longer direct the ways of the living from the grave, that job belongs to others now, your words and love linger on but deceasions are no longer yours. this post was not done to hurt any one, far be it from me to ever hurt anyone, I am a realist and so I look at life and death maybe a little different from some of you. As a nurse in a MASH unit in Korea in 1952-53 I saw death and life everyday, working as a nurse for many years I sat with death many days, held hands and cried along with the family. The toughest ones were the children, to lose a gentle soul so young is hard, I do not consider myself irreplacable, I know that my loved ones will remember me but for them life will go on. So all I can say is I guess the post was my opinion and if it bothered you, I am sorry. marty
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