Anger Management and the young survivor

[onthemendmomma]

....and by young I mean anyone under????????


60? 70?   I really don't know but as a woman under forty who is lucky enough to have had kids (some of us afflicted havent even had any at all) I am going through a stage of disconnect with all these people who (understandably) are my age (or older) and distraught with their mother's diagnosis. I do feel empathy I DO....and I share my experience willingly...but honestly...this disease...ANY DISEASE in a person of one age and a person FORTY years older is going to look act and be very very different.....And I know we all have to support one another and I am all for that but it feels like this is more about supporting caregivers sometimes than supporting those of us who actually have to go through this....Maybe this is just another stage of acceptance of this disease...and I mean no disrespect to anyone but I feel disregarded when I am compared constantly to women who have had full lives and I haven't yet.

[onthemendmomma]

I for one am very thankful for the expertise and knowledge that has been shared by caregivers. What this thread is about is the experience of young women and what it is like to be facing end of life issues at our age. I looked at your profile briefly, I think I noticed you are in you are in your 30's. This thread is about being around your age and facing the potential end of your life when your peers are just getting started with there lives.

The hell caregivers go through is no small thing and they do it willingly and lovingly...I don't think anyone disputes that. Being a caregiver is just different then being the patient.

And the "typical" OVCA patient is of an older demographic.

There is an emerging sub-set of women however who are younger, and whose response to the disease is somewhat different because of their age. We DO have better stats...we do have different problems....that is all this thread is somewhere to talk about those unique aspects of being a young woman with this disease.

[Beachwalker33]

Some of you know me some of you don't.I was my Mom's caregiver while I witnessed her fight her heart out.I learned everything I could about the type of Ovarian Cancer my Mom had.I feel that something good should come out of every painful experiance.I got her cancer free,with research,herbs,vitamins,and many meds I had to do to tons of research on,and suggest to her oncologist.I felt I learned all these things for a reason.She had no visible cancer,her ca-125 was in normal range,even her doctor was shocked,since she was diagnosed Stage 4,it came back very shortly.Though I have never had Ovarian Cancer myself,when my Mom was sick I felt ill,I literally felt her pain.Was that normal?We were very close,so maybe thats why I literally felt like I went through it also.So why shouldn't the advice of caregivers be excepted as a loving gesture and an effort to help someone else have more time with there loved ones and live a longer life?And you think I don't understand your pain,so not true! God Bless,Jen

[doicat]

Am I young enough to put my 2 cents in here?  I was dx last year at 47 and have a 15 yo daughter.  

When I first got on this sight last fall, I said something stupid about having the "bad" OVCA, Clear cell.  Someone, (probably Jan) popped in and said, "all cancer is bad"...no one gets the deuce here.  There is nothing Good about having cancer...the old or young, good or bad, people with kids or none.  No one life is more important than another.  Whether you are a young mother or a great grandma!  We all have things to finish.

I know that no one is ready to die…but we, those with cancer somehow, for some reason, have been given ‘notice’. We will all die sooner than we thought. NO one knows when they are going to die but we have been given a “best by” date.

Ever hear the joke: This couple that had been married over 75 miserable years just got a divorce…
Why? They were waiting for their children to die!

But, we all can’t just give up and die! We all, old and young, have things to finish, see happen, help with…. I’ve got a girl to finish raising. I want to see her go through high school and college, find a fulfilling career, fall in love, get married. I want to help her and advise her through her pregnancies, want to see her kids grow up. I want, want, want… We know we won’t be here forever, but we all want to FINISH things…see closure with our family no matter what our age is.

So what is the lesson here? What am I supposed to learn?

For now, I’m trying to learn to love the moments we have here with our loved ones. To thank You Lord for what we have been given. Hey, I’m not giving up here…maybe the struggle for wanting more is part of this lesson. Maybe you are teaching me to be stronger than I thought I was, to be wiser than I thought I was, to be kinder than I have been, to be more humble than I have been.

One thing I have learned very recently because of this cancer, is that He is my strength, He is my wisdom, and He is my comfort.

May we all find strength, wisdom and comfort in this battle.  And may we all join together and help each other fight this dreaded disease.

Peace to all.
Teresa

[Tybear]

I totally agree with Trudie...I couldn't have said it better myself.
No one was suggesting that those who don't have ov/ca shouldn't post on the forum at all - just on this particular post (thread). The title of the thread specifically requests that those who are "young survivors" respond. Had the post been directed at, say, caregivers, I wouldn't have responded because I don't know what it's like to be a caregiver.
I don't really see what the big deal is here...

[Ramsay14]

The MedHelp OvCa forum is for everyone!  All people who have had OvCa touch their lives.  We are all here to offer what we can, and to learn everything we can.  I don't think anyone disputes that.  It's just this one particular type of thread that sort of needs to be respected.  A young survivor thread.  We are a rare sub-group of OvCa.  We need somewhere to turn, someone that can hear us, someone who is experiencing what we are also experiencing.  That's why this thread was started.  A place to voice our terror and anger at this disease.  We were just a little blindsided by the "replaceable" comment.  It is not what we needed to hear.

[SimplyStar]

Who has the answer for this?   who deals with the "anger and deep feelings"  expressed by you?  Can a person express anger  constantly to just themselves?  No, it must be shared as it comes to the surface, can you hold your own hand, cry on your own shoulder, say those words of comfort to yourslves?  Do not push away those that love you, saying "you don't understand",  Believe when I say, we do feel your pain, we do know of your feelings of  the "what ifs" , we do not leave you, we stand by to help ease any hurt you have.   This comfort may come from a person that has been right where you are now,  or it may come from someone that loves you and wants you to know that you are not alone.  I have been a caregiver since I came to the age of reason,  most of us have, I can no more stop caring about my family and friends then you can.  MedHelp has been here for me for over 2 years,  with and through them,  I have been offered help and the chance to repay some of that help,  I have made my peace with my grief and will continue to offer what help I can to others,  because I know that is what Leslee would have expected me to do, she was a great caregiver,  I am not her, but I offer and give of myself to her daughters and grandchildren,  as long as I live I will tell them about the beautiful woman that loved and cared for them.  As dian says  , peace,  Marty