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Anger Management and the young survivor
....and by young I mean anyone under????????
60? 70? I really don't know but as a woman under forty who is lucky enough to have had kids (some of us afflicted havent even had any at all) I am going through a stage of disconnect with all these people who (understandably) are my age (or older) and distraught with their mother's diagnosis. I do feel empathy I DO....and I share my experience willingly...but honestly...this disease...ANY DISEASE in a person of one age and a person FORTY years older is going to look act and be very very different.....And I know we all have to support one another and I am all for that but it feels like this is more about supporting caregivers sometimes than supporting those of us who actually have to go through this....Maybe this is just another stage of acceptance of this disease...and I mean no disrespect to anyone but I feel disregarded when I am compared constantly to women who have had full lives and I haven't yet.
60? 70? I really don't know but as a woman under forty who is lucky enough to have had kids (some of us afflicted havent even had any at all) I am going through a stage of disconnect with all these people who (understandably) are my age (or older) and distraught with their mother's diagnosis. I do feel empathy I DO....and I share my experience willingly...but honestly...this disease...ANY DISEASE in a person of one age and a person FORTY years older is going to look act and be very very different.....And I know we all have to support one another and I am all for that but it feels like this is more about supporting caregivers sometimes than supporting those of us who actually have to go through this....Maybe this is just another stage of acceptance of this disease...and I mean no disrespect to anyone but I feel disregarded when I am compared constantly to women who have had full lives and I haven't yet.
I was not offended at all by what OzBron wrote. I am a non-OVCA patient. Yes, MedHelp is for everyone and the OVCA forum supports many different people. Since this posting was about the anger and deep feelings that those diagnosed with OVCA have I don't find it peculiar that only those with OVCA respond. In my mind it is like having a man respond to a posting about how it feels to be pregnant. He can't express the same feelings. If this was a grief forum and a posting by a mother who lost a child asked for sharing with other mother's who have lost in the same way, no one would object.
There is no reason for discord here and no malicious intent. These ladies have a right to express all their feelings.
There is no reason for discord here and no malicious intent. These ladies have a right to express all their feelings.
"Advise to caregivers - on threads like this I truly believe you need to step back even though you want to support us. The true need for this kind of thread is for cancer victims / survivors (which ever way you look at it) to support each other and share how we got through that anger stage and help feel more connected to others. At this stage we just may not be receptive to support from those that have not been personally on the same journey no matter what experience you have had. "
Ok, I know I'm probably stepping in a load here, but I thought MedHelp is for everyone. It's a medical resource where people can come to ask their questions, or so I thought. Is the Ovarian Cancer forum founded on a different principle, even though it's sponsored by Medhelp? If you're not receptive to those who don't have cancer themselves, then don't post to their questions. I came here because I was terrified. My diagnosis was not as dire as some here, but I don't feel that disqualifies me from lending support or obtaining as much information as I can about my diagnosis.
I would also come here if a parent was stricken, or a sibling, or g-d forbid, a child, hoping for information and comfort. On another site there's a woman posting whose 11 year old daughter was diagnosed with OVC. Obviously, the daughter is not going to ask the questions that her mother can and will. In fact, the life of this woman's child may depend on the generosity of the women who will answer her questions and tell her what she needs to do.
No one is mandating that you be receptive to those not walking your path, but they do have every right to be here.
Ok, I know I'm probably stepping in a load here, but I thought MedHelp is for everyone. It's a medical resource where people can come to ask their questions, or so I thought. Is the Ovarian Cancer forum founded on a different principle, even though it's sponsored by Medhelp? If you're not receptive to those who don't have cancer themselves, then don't post to their questions. I came here because I was terrified. My diagnosis was not as dire as some here, but I don't feel that disqualifies me from lending support or obtaining as much information as I can about my diagnosis.
I would also come here if a parent was stricken, or a sibling, or g-d forbid, a child, hoping for information and comfort. On another site there's a woman posting whose 11 year old daughter was diagnosed with OVC. Obviously, the daughter is not going to ask the questions that her mother can and will. In fact, the life of this woman's child may depend on the generosity of the women who will answer her questions and tell her what she needs to do.
No one is mandating that you be receptive to those not walking your path, but they do have every right to be here.
it's so good to have a voice again...to all of you who listened...thanks...to those of you who HEARD...my graditude is inifinite....and to the women I found who are walking this path too.....let's keep reminding them we're here and we're a force to be reckoned with for as long as we can!
I'm not sure how long ago you lost your daughter but at this moment I really can offer all the most compassion I feel right now which is alot......your insistance instructs me on how much you really need it. Your need to stay connected to your daughter compells you to keep inserting yourself..You want us to know you have suffered to...and I believe you...But....trying to build this into conflict where there is none...to continue to judge and point fingers......I'm not going to indulge it......I for one am not suggesting that you don't need to be here (this forum) you feel you need to be even though you no longer are a caregiver of a person w/ OVCA*****as for this conversation that is another story************* but maybe you can find some people who ARE walking in YOUR shoes in the "overcoming grief and loss group"....I do wish you peace Marty.
the shoes I walk in may not be like yours, they are mine, they are really scuffed, run over heels and very thin soles now, they have carried me through things that I hope none of you ever have to face, they did not make my pain any less or more than yours, but so far they have walked with me through the many pitfalls of life. None of you were wearing my shoes when I got polio at age 22, or had 5 miscarriages because of the polio, none of you were wearing my shoes as I sat by the bed of my son in ICU for 11 days while he was on life support, Anger properly placed is sometimes good for you, but you must know what or who you are angry at, in the case of your cancer, can you focus all your anger at just it? No one knows the cause of OVCA, so that removes the causitive affect from anger, that leaves the myriad of things connected to the cancer, you, family, medical field, friends and strangers. One of the "cures" for anger is to place blame, there is nothing there for you to blame, only for some , they blame God, because there is no one else. It is easy to strike out at others in searching where to place blame for your ills, but is that fair? To those of you that are upset with my wording of the posts, if you truely knew me , you would know that I am with you all the way in fighting this dreadful disease. Each one of us builds up the lessons we leave behind. the one thing that I feel for all of you is a deep sense of LOVE and my prayers are said for all.
I hope no one will be upset that I posted on this thread. I just want to say that I will NEVER understand what any of you go through, young or old, because I do not have OVCA; however, I care deeply about the women on this forum, I pray every morning and night for all of you, even those that I don't "know" and I hope that you all will understand that some women (caregivers & women w/o cancer) come on this forum to support, offer comfort, share friendships and love. I think SimplyStar's words were probably taken out of context, as that can happen with written words. She is a very loving, giving woman who has supported this forum for many years. Yes, we do not understand, as we are not walking in your shoes and I wish more than anything else that there was not cancer in this world. It is a horrible disease! Hugs to all of you, Colleen
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