Intercourse post op and doing chemo...

[loralai]

First off, sorry to get personal. Today I had my 2nd follow up appt w/ oncologist & he asked me about intercouse...how's it going?..are we having any?..etc. I told him everything is fine...yes we have and no there isn't any pain. The thing is, it's good but not often. Hardly ever in fact. I just don't have any desire to do so. I LOVE my husband and I feel bad...I know it's difficult for him. He is so patient and knows I have a lot on my plate. I have my #3 chemo tomorrow, we have toddlers (29 mos & 17mos), & the anniversary of my moms passing is 11/14 (2yrs).  I miss her and I hate that she's not here with me. We always want our mommy when we're sick right? I lost my 22 yr old sister in 2001 and my dad in 2002 before that. I am a stay at home mom in a bit of an identity crisis and can't really do anything about it because I am trying to save all my energy for my kids and my treatments. I miss working but it would just be so hard do adjust myself and the girls to a new schedule right now. So anyway, is it all this cr*p that's happened the reason I am disinterested...is it the chemo or side effect of my surgery? I've read others took something for libido. Should I talk to my doctor about this? My docs a man and I feel weird! Has anyone done so and has it helped? I am tired enough I don't want to be tired of feeling guilty about this. Any advice would be helpful. Maybe I should have posted this in the relationships section LOL! I'm a mess!

[Mary 53]

Hi, and hi to everyone. This is a great post. I will be eager to hear how things go for you, Loralai and Merytre.

Northrup, Erika Swartz, Reiss...Dr. John Lee (the "father" of progesterone studies) are great resources...I keep picking up these books before falling asleep and I find a few paragraphs to go through and I just say "WOW"...our bodies are interesting machines.

Just while I have a moment, I want to also recommend Covert Bailey who has nothing to do with the topic really, but in a way he does. He is retired now, but I found him in 1982 and his book "Fit or Fat?" changed my life. He did not write a ton of books...but "Fit or Fat," "Fit or Fat for Women," and "Smart Exercise" are all on my bookshelf. Understanding the effects of any exercise is so fascinating. He explains things so well. I credit him with helping me stay diabetes-free (huge family issue for my immediate family) and able to have some say over the weight issue and reshaping the body. I struggled with this again after surgical menopause...and was too fatigued for a long time to get back on the exercise track, but once I did (after I got squared away hormonally) I started to be able to count on feeling well and in control. Menopausal weight issues can be frustrating, and when I am out of balance with the hormones, I really suffer and thyroid issues get worse, too, but when everything is clicking (balanced hormones, rest, eating healthfully, etc)...at 53 I have more energy than some of my 26 year old co-workers. Well, just a wanted to get in a word about the good man.
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Merytre....Bladder issues? Oh brother...such a pain, right? I went for testing this Spring and had a less than pleasant experience ...and they wanted to set up more testing...and all along I was trying to tell them that I was convinced my problems were from a hormone issue. I had a problem before my surgery years ago and once I got on a steady stream of hormones, things improved greatly, but I had two Urologists at the time say they did not know what to do with me...

So, my point is...talk to someone who knows about the bioidentical hormones and see if that person will talk to your doctor....just a thought. My bladder issues have been improving since I had my dose of progesterone raised...Hormones can really affect the smooth muscles...(think of getting cramps in the uterus...fully afffected by hormones)...so, a decrease in hormones can affect smooth muscles..and cause joint pain, bladder issues, etc.

Best of luck. Keep printing!

Mary

[loralai]

I have to give you all a BIG thanks for the wonderful responses. I had to print it out to read it!! I am going to keep it filed away too so I have it for future reading in the off chance I need any of this. Wow...so much to learn! My doctor hasn't even brought up any HRT or bio stuff nothing in regards to being menopausal, lack of uterus...nothing. Maybe because we are concentrating on my chemo? Maybe because I really haven't had any problems other than the lack of libido I have not mentioned yet. As I started to read the responses last night I got filled up with tears...more just from feeling supported that I am not alone in feeing this way! Of course my husband is like "what's wrong!" and we ended up talking about it. I told him how I felt bad and he told me I have nothing to feel bad about. He completely understands and now that I elaborated on some of the things I felt like being bald and not sexy...he understands even more. I told him if I still feel the same by the end of my last treatment which should be 12/27 I'll talk to the doctor about the cremes you have mentioned. In the meantime I want to focus on just getting through this chemo. I feel so much better knowing he's okay with that decision too. He's great what can I say. I've been with my husband since we were 16 & 17. He says there's a reason we've been together this long (now 34 & 35) and it's not going anywhere. He teased that I should be in my sexual prime soon enough and can make it up to him LOL! Anyway, in the meantime I will get the books that were mentioned too. I love any resources and being prepared. I also read about a book from the Women and Cancer magazine I flipped through at chemo yesterday. I'll pass on the name of the book (it's in my notebook in the van). It seemed like it would be helpful too. You are ALL so wonderful! I wish you all good health and happiness! I now have to go yell at my 2 year old to take a NAP! Lori

[Tybear]

Thanks Katie... Yes, Dr.Pettle must be good - he is obviously so busy because his office doesn't return phone calls or emails! I've given up on him to say the least...I'll let you know how I make out with this other lady - I'm not interested in supplements or herbs or any other lotions and potions she might try to convince me I need - I just want to deal with my hormones. We'll see...
Becky

[AnotherKatie]

If you are scared of the estrogen (and rightly so, I would be too) find out if you could start just by taking the bio identical natural progesterone on its own....
Tybear, best of luck with the naturopath, FYI, Dr Alvin Pettle is in the TO area, specializes in this, and is a medical doctor....
Cheers!

[Tybear]

My Dr put me on Premarin right after my hysterectomy and diagnosis of stage 3c ovarian Cancer. I'm 27yrs old, so I guess the estrogen thing was a given. I pressured him about testing my tumors for estrogen receptors because I'm still wary of taking it, but he won't do it. I just sent my pathology slides out for a second opinion and I'm having the other Dr do the test. Normally, ovarian tumors aren't estrogen driven, but certain types have a tendancy to be. One of them is micropapillary serous carcinoma, which is what I have. I'm also going to see a naturopath next week to talk about bio-identical hormones. What can I say - Mary and Katie have convinced me! Ask your Dr to test your tumors for estrogen receptors - good luck!
Becky

[chickpea_and_me]

Thanks for all your info. I am going to go get Northrups book.  I have one question for you. Did any of your docs ever tell you that bioidentical could CAUSE cancer?  Especially if your cell type is estrogen driven?

My cancer was stage 2 and I just finished chemo. I had a total hystorectomy but from what regular docs are saying I can never use any estrogen or estrogenic type of drug/herb.  Have you ever heard that?  thanks for your time

Kimberly