Aa
Intercourse post op and doing chemo...
First off, sorry to get personal. Today I had my 2nd follow up appt w/ oncologist & he asked me about intercouse...how's it going?..are we having any?..etc. I told him everything is fine...yes we have and no there isn't any pain. The thing is, it's good but not often. Hardly ever in fact. I just don't have any desire to do so. I LOVE my husband and I feel bad...I know it's difficult for him. He is so patient and knows I have a lot on my plate. I have my #3 chemo tomorrow, we have toddlers (29 mos & 17mos), & the anniversary of my moms passing is 11/14 (2yrs). I miss her and I hate that she's not here with me. We always want our mommy when we're sick right? I lost my 22 yr old sister in 2001 and my dad in 2002 before that. I am a stay at home mom in a bit of an identity crisis and can't really do anything about it because I am trying to save all my energy for my kids and my treatments. I miss working but it would just be so hard do adjust myself and the girls to a new schedule right now. So anyway, is it all this cr*p that's happened the reason I am disinterested...is it the chemo or side effect of my surgery? I've read others took something for libido. Should I talk to my doctor about this? My docs a man and I feel weird! Has anyone done so and has it helped? I am tired enough I don't want to be tired of feeling guilty about this. Any advice would be helpful. Maybe I should have posted this in the relationships section LOL! I'm a mess!
YES you gals are all so right! I agree 100%. I have such bad meno brain though, I am finding the Ageless book a bit tough to plow through! (I keep jumping around). Mary educated me about bio identicals. One thing I can tell you. I was put on the estraderm patch right after my total hyster. I had tons of hot flashes... but when I started using the progesterone cream, I have noticed a big reduction in them. Sleeping better too. I also got some estriol cream for the vaginal issues, applied directly, it is so much better I can't believe it.
Some of the stuff you all have been through... whew.....
Take care of yourselves...
Katie
Some of the stuff you all have been through... whew.....
Take care of yourselves...
Katie
Oh Loralai, I could write a thousand things. I read your post and almost wept for you.
I am 53, lost both parents and my oldest brother years ago. Diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer in August 2000 (cyst found during a tubal of all things....malignant). I did not have to have Chemo. But, my oncologist started me on Vivelle estrogen patch (a bioidentical product)but that was it.
Now, I am grateful that she did not start me on what we all think of when we hear of HRT. I don't consider myself on HRT...But, bioidentical hormones have saved my life. I had to do the research myself, and much like the writer who mentioned the testosterone, I was not helped until I was put on that, and also after getting a script for bioidentical progesterone, to balance the estrogen. The estrogen helped a bit with libido, vaginal dryness, and hot flashes and night sweats, but, three months after my surgery, I was feeling horrible. I needed the progesterone and testosterone.
Progesterone has been shown to take the ill effects of too much estrogen away...but more crucial for me was that I was heading for osteoporosis, blood sugar issues, vaginal dryness, heart palpatations, brain fog/confusion/ word retrieval issues, joint/leg pains, throid issues, high cholesterol, but the worst was the urinary incontinence. All hormone related. The progesterone has taken care of many of these problems. If I keep my system balanced with the estrogen and the progesterone, I do okay. I have to stay on top of it. And, I have to make sure I talk to people who know their way around the bioidenticals. Many people brush them off because they don't understand how helpful they can be...and, the progesterone gets all mixed up with progestins...which are icky synthetic drugs that NOBODY needs.
Back to the libido...I sat in my doc's office in tears six months after my ovaries were removed....I found sex disgusting for the first time ever....He gave me a topical testostereone that is placed on the genitals and it is helpful (make sure if you get some that it is not in a vaseline type delivery ointment...I had that kind for awhile, and eventually, it was not getting absorbed. But the testosterone in a cream base is wonderful.
Just this past year, I added testosterone like the one the writer told you about...mine is a white cream that I use on the inner thighs. Helps with mood, energy levels, clumsiness (no kidding!) tolerance to loud noises, etc. Again, though, I still use the topical one on the genital area about three times a week...
Please do some reading on all of this and I think you will start to feel hopeful. I would start with Christianne Northrup,M.D. "The Wisdom of Menopause." Decide for yourself what you want to do...there are many many many ideas in that book ...and, not all of them have to do with hormone replacement. It is a wonderful book. I feel lucky to have found it...so, even though it was published in 2001, I highly recommend it.
I have to get to bed...have had little time to post. But, I had to respond to your post. Take care of yourself and as always, be an advocate for yourself. I had no idea on earth how much I would be affected by the loss of the hormones that I used to have through the ovaries (although, when you ovulate, you get progesterone, and I was not ovulating regularly for a few years before my diagnosis and in retrospect, I know that the lack of progesterone caused many problems, including, some think, the cause of my cancer).
Not all women going through menopause have a tough time, but surgical menopause is such a shock to the body...and when you add in the estrogens that our body picks up just from the environment (Dr. Erika Swartz's books on natural hormones does a nice job explaining how and why our culture and our generation has suffered from the environmental issues that have contributed to menopausal symptoms and what you can do about it), as well as the estrogen that the fat in the body produces, ...well, no wonder many people's hormones are in flux. This gets hard to explain...here is where the research will be helpful. But, you may be out of balance due to that...all out of testosterone and progesterone due to the fact that you do not have any ovaries...to say nothing of the full plate that you have...and the chemo. But, I think that their might be some answers out there for you. Just don't give up looking. Things can get better.
Take care dear,
Mary
I am 53, lost both parents and my oldest brother years ago. Diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer in August 2000 (cyst found during a tubal of all things....malignant). I did not have to have Chemo. But, my oncologist started me on Vivelle estrogen patch (a bioidentical product)but that was it.
Now, I am grateful that she did not start me on what we all think of when we hear of HRT. I don't consider myself on HRT...But, bioidentical hormones have saved my life. I had to do the research myself, and much like the writer who mentioned the testosterone, I was not helped until I was put on that, and also after getting a script for bioidentical progesterone, to balance the estrogen. The estrogen helped a bit with libido, vaginal dryness, and hot flashes and night sweats, but, three months after my surgery, I was feeling horrible. I needed the progesterone and testosterone.
Progesterone has been shown to take the ill effects of too much estrogen away...but more crucial for me was that I was heading for osteoporosis, blood sugar issues, vaginal dryness, heart palpatations, brain fog/confusion/ word retrieval issues, joint/leg pains, throid issues, high cholesterol, but the worst was the urinary incontinence. All hormone related. The progesterone has taken care of many of these problems. If I keep my system balanced with the estrogen and the progesterone, I do okay. I have to stay on top of it. And, I have to make sure I talk to people who know their way around the bioidenticals. Many people brush them off because they don't understand how helpful they can be...and, the progesterone gets all mixed up with progestins...which are icky synthetic drugs that NOBODY needs.
Back to the libido...I sat in my doc's office in tears six months after my ovaries were removed....I found sex disgusting for the first time ever....He gave me a topical testostereone that is placed on the genitals and it is helpful (make sure if you get some that it is not in a vaseline type delivery ointment...I had that kind for awhile, and eventually, it was not getting absorbed. But the testosterone in a cream base is wonderful.
Just this past year, I added testosterone like the one the writer told you about...mine is a white cream that I use on the inner thighs. Helps with mood, energy levels, clumsiness (no kidding!) tolerance to loud noises, etc. Again, though, I still use the topical one on the genital area about three times a week...
Please do some reading on all of this and I think you will start to feel hopeful. I would start with Christianne Northrup,M.D. "The Wisdom of Menopause." Decide for yourself what you want to do...there are many many many ideas in that book ...and, not all of them have to do with hormone replacement. It is a wonderful book. I feel lucky to have found it...so, even though it was published in 2001, I highly recommend it.
I have to get to bed...have had little time to post. But, I had to respond to your post. Take care of yourself and as always, be an advocate for yourself. I had no idea on earth how much I would be affected by the loss of the hormones that I used to have through the ovaries (although, when you ovulate, you get progesterone, and I was not ovulating regularly for a few years before my diagnosis and in retrospect, I know that the lack of progesterone caused many problems, including, some think, the cause of my cancer).
Not all women going through menopause have a tough time, but surgical menopause is such a shock to the body...and when you add in the estrogens that our body picks up just from the environment (Dr. Erika Swartz's books on natural hormones does a nice job explaining how and why our culture and our generation has suffered from the environmental issues that have contributed to menopausal symptoms and what you can do about it), as well as the estrogen that the fat in the body produces, ...well, no wonder many people's hormones are in flux. This gets hard to explain...here is where the research will be helpful. But, you may be out of balance due to that...all out of testosterone and progesterone due to the fact that you do not have any ovaries...to say nothing of the full plate that you have...and the chemo. But, I think that their might be some answers out there for you. Just don't give up looking. Things can get better.
Take care dear,
Mary
Sweetie, you have been through A LOT! I totally understand....within the past 6 years I've been through almost having my marriage fall apart at the seams, losing both my inlaws to colon cancer, two cross-country moves, layoffs, job changes, having my brother diagnosed with prostate cancer, my mom diagnosed with ovarian cancer, and my sister diagnosed with fibromyalgia, serious troubles in my beloved niece's lives, losing my cat, and finally finding out I had a complex ovarian cyst which eventually required a total hysterectomy last month! It just never seems to end! Please listen to me--I am walking proof that this much stress messes up your hormones, your immune system, and just about everything else. Is your doctor allowing you to take HRT? You might want to read up on bioidentical hormones like some of the other girls here said. There are a lot of good technical books on the subject, but for me, a quick easy read has been Suzanne Somers' new book "Ageless". I'm not sure I agree with everything, and she's only a layperson, but she interviewed several doctors who are experts on bioidenticals, and they have a lot to say. She also really covers the stress issue and what it does to our adrenals. I hope you feel better soon!!!!!!
Hi Loralai and everyone,
I dont know about the chemo aspects, but I am 10 weeks surgical menopause. I noticed symptoms of low libido and hot flashes almost immediately after surgery. Granted we have to consider the impact to surgery on the body, but I believe hormones plays a big role in libido. Luckilly, I did not have any medical concerns with trying biodentical HRT. I started with 6 weeks estradiol which sure helped the hot flashes, but it wasnt until I added the testosterone gel (a little dab on inner thighs morning and night) that I finally am starting to feel like my old self, with a libido, with interest in sex, it has given me hope I can get back to who I was before the surgery. Talk to your doctor (mine were easier, onc/gyn woman, gyn woman) but we are all adults and you should be able to speak to a male doctor about this as well.... and when the time is right, maybe you could add something to your regimen for libido. Good LUCK! and dont forget you do have the hardest job on earth, staying home with two little ones, that will exhaust the healthiest of young women and drive down libido! Dianne
I dont know about the chemo aspects, but I am 10 weeks surgical menopause. I noticed symptoms of low libido and hot flashes almost immediately after surgery. Granted we have to consider the impact to surgery on the body, but I believe hormones plays a big role in libido. Luckilly, I did not have any medical concerns with trying biodentical HRT. I started with 6 weeks estradiol which sure helped the hot flashes, but it wasnt until I added the testosterone gel (a little dab on inner thighs morning and night) that I finally am starting to feel like my old self, with a libido, with interest in sex, it has given me hope I can get back to who I was before the surgery. Talk to your doctor (mine were easier, onc/gyn woman, gyn woman) but we are all adults and you should be able to speak to a male doctor about this as well.... and when the time is right, maybe you could add something to your regimen for libido. Good LUCK! and dont forget you do have the hardest job on earth, staying home with two little ones, that will exhaust the healthiest of young women and drive down libido! Dianne
Oh, you poor thing! I know exactly how you feel and this is the perfect forum to post this on! I was 27yrs old going through chemo with a 2.5yr old and in a new relationship - we had been dating all of 4 months when I got diagnosed. I had no desire for sex - seriously. I was scared because here was this great guy who say's he loves me and I didn't want to dissapoint him! I had a total identity crisis - I was a workaholic who was now a stay at home mom, I was suddenly bald, I had mood swings that made me look like Linda Blair from The Exorcist and I had all these new scars on my body. I didn't even recognize myself some days. I think it comes down to being able to love and accept yourself in order to be able to give yourself fully to someone else. (so much easier said than done) I hated how I looked and told myself that everytime my boyfriend said I was beautiful, he was just feeling sorry for me. I know now, of course, that this wasn't the case. Are you in councelling? Just a suggestion as I know how much it has helped me through all of this. Don't beat yourself up over this - my god, your going through chemo woman! That alone would justify the lack of interest, let alone all your other circumstances. Let go of the guilt. Talk to your husband... I'm sure he is much more understanding about all this than you think.
Take care,
Becky
Take care,
Becky
I never underwent chemo so I do not know if it is a side effect from that, but, I they did take my ovaries, and I can tell you that a lot of what you are feeling is a side effect of menopause. Plus I am sure that chemo does play a role, as does 2 young children and everything else going on in your life.
I have been wondering alot lately about my sexual or should I say lack of sexual relationship with my BF. It is more mental for me then physical. It's not him, he is wonderful, loving and I just adore him....it's me...I know that there are many women with OvCa dx'd that are taking HRT of some sort. I unfortunately had to stop because I started developing cysts that could be estrogen driven, history of early stage OvCa, we feel that HRT is not worth the risk for me.
I think that you need to give yourself a bit of time....you have a lot going on physically and emotionally, all of which could have an effect on your libido.
I have been wondering alot lately about my sexual or should I say lack of sexual relationship with my BF. It is more mental for me then physical. It's not him, he is wonderful, loving and I just adore him....it's me...I know that there are many women with OvCa dx'd that are taking HRT of some sort. I unfortunately had to stop because I started developing cysts that could be estrogen driven, history of early stage OvCa, we feel that HRT is not worth the risk for me.
I think that you need to give yourself a bit of time....you have a lot going on physically and emotionally, all of which could have an effect on your libido.
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