What is this?

[Confused362]

Hi, i have a question reguarding emotionally abusive relationships. I was in a relationship with a fella who was extremely emotionally abusive, was physical once and very forceful in the bedroom ... He was very controling, everything we did was on his terms, what we did in our free time, who we hung out with, what movie we picked to watch... and there were a couple times when he made me have sex when I did not want to. We were together for 2 years and within this time I went through he// with him! Unfortuantely I did not see it at the time, how, I don't know but I did not think I was in an abusive relationship. He was constantly upsetting me, cheating, and very angry (he would kick  throw and break things) On one occasion, he caught me by the back of my neck and pushed me.

I guess I knew it wasn't normal and said many times I would break up with him but couldn't do it! So it got to the point where I started having depression/ anxiety. I could not take anymore I guess and mentally felt the impact. We broke up 8 months ago. I developed some type of anxiety involving intrusive thoughts. But now 8 months later im still suffering. This is the only way i can describe it.

I am have intrusive thoughts but also flash back like things. its more memories of the relationship rather than bad things. They happen at random times for no reason, but especially when Im trying to sleep. They upset me because I dont want to think of him, I feel sick when I do... i hate him with a passion and really wish i never met him! Some of the "flashbacks" are of good things but others would be of fights, and me being upset etc....

Could I be suffering from some form of emotional trauma?? I dont know anymore what is wrong with me..

Thanks!

[Confused362]

Yes i know what you mean. I got out before he got totally physically abusive,which now I see that it was coming to that! I just want this to get better!!!

Thanks for your comment!!

[Marji49]

Be thankful you got out when you did !    It could have gotten worse, not that what you experienced wasn't bad enough.  

[Confused362]

Thank ye both for ye're reply, I have been having a hard time accepting it was abuse but I think I just have to accept it at this stage. I have been suffering from this anxiety for over a year now and have had just about enough of it!!! I hope that talking about everything I have been through will help!! I am not so sure though, the way Im feeling feels like its never going to get better and that this is my life from now on!!!

[ladyblue22]

First of all let me tell you that i'm sorry to hear that you had to go through this kind of abuse.
It is unacceptable for any man or woman to abuse there partner physically or emotionally.
I'm glad you ended this and moved on, because there are good man out there looking for a loving partner.
I suggest to go and see a Therapist. It will do you good to get things of your chest that you can not tell and share with anybody else. See the therapy as a cleansing tool for your soul.
Give it a try ....good luck

[paranoid_cataclysm]

Yeah, it sounds like you are suffering from some kind of emotional trauma.  Maybe it would be a good idea to speak with a talk therapist to work through these issues.