keeping a journal is a great start i use one too with my addiction to alcohol it help me remember things i write notes & questions i am eager to learn how to live with sobriety in my corner :)
For my recovery, I started journaling and reading motivational books and YouTubes.....In the journal, I would just jot down some of the thoughts that arose in my mind, and then would go back to them later when I had time to really comment about what I was feeling when the thoughts arose in my mind....
My mom was very ill. She could not love herself or me like I wanted and expected her to do. Once I realized that, and it was a BIG realization, a lot of my thinking cleared up and I was able to get unstuck and then continue in my recovery....
Many many times we think that the adults in our lives " should" be one way or another, but life is not about " shoulds." I am so sorry to hear that your childhood was a horror and that you were hurt. I am sending you and the little girl who still lives in you some warm healing wishes....
It is really nice to see you here at the Group...Hope to hear from you as you continue your journey
M