venting!

[Joylicious68]

He first started to rape me he would
wait till I had to pee or to take a bath and
do what he wanted. He use to make me
look in the mirror with him and say honey
don't we look good together.....Now
everytime I go to the bathroom I think he
is going to come in there to get me. He
used to come in even though I would lock
the door. The bathroom was also my first
time I tried to kill myself and it makes me
think everytime i go in any bathroom so I
try my best to avoid the bathroom
#can't shake this image
#anxiety medicine doesn't help

[ibaibez]

I know this is INCREDIBLY HARD, because you are a beautiful wonderful person, and you were taken advantage of and hurt.  From some of my experiences from childhood there are times I will cry hours straight and just scream...AND when I do not do anything to hurt myself but allow myself to feel the pain eventually after much suffering and not doing anything stupid I feel love, but it takes much suffering to get there.  There is love in this world, I know it is hard to find, I know it is hard to feel when people have abused you and damaged you in such a way.  People try to play numb to things, but we are not, and I wish I could take back what happened to you, I hope you know there are people out there who care and wont hurt you, dont trust other people, but learn to trust yourself, learn regardless what happened to love yourself, I hope that person dies, people who do such things do not deserve to live, us humans are beautiful creatures and some A** holes just have to go and ruin everything, it would be nice if somehow you could associate something positive with the restroom, like make a positive experience when you go to try to distract from the bad, it takes A LOT of love to heal from these things, and you can do it, no matter how much someone hurts you and tears you down, you can do it, I just want to send you love and support, try not to do anything stupid from your suffering, it will only make you suffer more (I know), and in MUCH MUCH time you can find some peace, believe in yourself, know you are sacred, know love is the only way to conquer all, I wish you the best

[drifter0213]

psychiatric meds takes time to work it is not going away but there is other meds that can help you must find them through trial& error :)

[MYoungAtHeart]

Hello Joylicious68

I went to your profile and see that you just joined up here and want to say Welcome to you....

I understand your pain and what you are going through with your memories and anxiety and why the anxiety medicine does not help the memories.  

I am sorry that this happened to you.  Please know that we can talk and write of this with possible solutions if you are willing to do so.  If not just be assured that when you are suffering, it is of a past memory, however strong that may be, and there might be ways of making positive present memories with counseling, a change of medication or both.

I hope you write again and am sending you lots of Blessings and Best Wishes for a continued recovery....

M