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Prayers/thoughts for my dad
I mentioned last week that my 82-year old dad, that lives with me and I take care of, along with my 4 kids, is going through a scary time. It looks as though he has lung cancer, and we are in the midst of the testing stage now. Today is his PET scan, and I'm asking anyone of faith to send prayers or general good thoughts to the powers that be!
I am hoping and praying that this is NOT a lung cancer, but with every test, that seems to be the direction we're going in. Though even if it's not, we have a big problem in that he has a 7 cm. tumor in his left lower lobe that is growing rapidly. Whether malignant or not, it needs to come out. It's in an operable position, but unfortunately, they are uncertain as to whether he is a surgical candidate.
We all love our parents, and I am no exception. But I will tell you that he is a man who devoted his whole life to his family. He absolutely adored my mom for 45 years and still says "I don't know how I got so lucky that she agreed to marry me!" He knew from the moment he saw her she was the one for him. She's been gone 4 years, and he just misses her so much, like we all do. He's an amazing grandfather. Even though he's 82 and has had a good life, I'm just not ready to let him go right now.
Thanks to anyone who'll send a good thought or prayer!
I am hoping and praying that this is NOT a lung cancer, but with every test, that seems to be the direction we're going in. Though even if it's not, we have a big problem in that he has a 7 cm. tumor in his left lower lobe that is growing rapidly. Whether malignant or not, it needs to come out. It's in an operable position, but unfortunately, they are uncertain as to whether he is a surgical candidate.
We all love our parents, and I am no exception. But I will tell you that he is a man who devoted his whole life to his family. He absolutely adored my mom for 45 years and still says "I don't know how I got so lucky that she agreed to marry me!" He knew from the moment he saw her she was the one for him. She's been gone 4 years, and he just misses her so much, like we all do. He's an amazing grandfather. Even though he's 82 and has had a good life, I'm just not ready to let him go right now.
Thanks to anyone who'll send a good thought or prayer!
Thanks everyone!! I got a great night's sleep thanks to some Ambien (and a really nice chat with my boyfriend right before I went to bed.)
We're at the point now that we have to wait. And wait and wait. I'm so impatient. I just want to know what we're facing.
I'm lucky with my siblings. I know I will have the bulk of his care as I don't work and he lives with me. But I know they'll do what they can. And I know we'll butt heads occasionally, too. Luckily I am his medical proxy. He likes me to go to all his appointments because I have more medical knowledge in general than the rest of them and I know his history, medications, ailments, etc., inside and out. (And I keep a notebook so that if anything comes up when I'm not around, they can easily have the information.)
When my mom was dying, we all worked pretty well together. There were occasional disagreements and arguments over certain things involving her care from time to time, but overall it wasn't bad.
I'm also lucky in that my parents took care of all of their arrangements about 20 years ago. The cemetery plots were bought and paid for. The will is in place for the most part. More importantly, none of the 3 of us are mercenary. We'll take turns in picking things that have emotional attachment to us and since we're all so different, I don't think that will be a problem.
I'm more worried about talking to my dad about his feelings and emotions. Most men have trouble with that and he is no different. He is also not a complainer, so we are trying to get him to understand that he needs to let us know about pain or symptoms that are new or change.
I just hope he can open up about things. After we get his definitive diagnosis and prognosis, I was thinking of writing him a letter telling him how I feel about him as a dad and a grandfather and letting him know how much I love him and appreciate all he's done for me and my kids. Maybe I'll talk about some specific childhood memories that just include him.
I don't want any regrets or anything left unsaid. We should get the results of the PET scan by Friday, which should tell us if it definitely is cancer (though that's what she's thinking, his PCP.) Tuesday will be the lung doctor to find out if he can survive anesthesia and a biopsy and possible lobe removal. From there, I guess they'll formulate a plan.
Thanks again to all of you ... such wonderful suggestions and words of comfort. It's appreciated way more than you know.
We're at the point now that we have to wait. And wait and wait. I'm so impatient. I just want to know what we're facing.
I'm lucky with my siblings. I know I will have the bulk of his care as I don't work and he lives with me. But I know they'll do what they can. And I know we'll butt heads occasionally, too. Luckily I am his medical proxy. He likes me to go to all his appointments because I have more medical knowledge in general than the rest of them and I know his history, medications, ailments, etc., inside and out. (And I keep a notebook so that if anything comes up when I'm not around, they can easily have the information.)
When my mom was dying, we all worked pretty well together. There were occasional disagreements and arguments over certain things involving her care from time to time, but overall it wasn't bad.
I'm also lucky in that my parents took care of all of their arrangements about 20 years ago. The cemetery plots were bought and paid for. The will is in place for the most part. More importantly, none of the 3 of us are mercenary. We'll take turns in picking things that have emotional attachment to us and since we're all so different, I don't think that will be a problem.
I'm more worried about talking to my dad about his feelings and emotions. Most men have trouble with that and he is no different. He is also not a complainer, so we are trying to get him to understand that he needs to let us know about pain or symptoms that are new or change.
I just hope he can open up about things. After we get his definitive diagnosis and prognosis, I was thinking of writing him a letter telling him how I feel about him as a dad and a grandfather and letting him know how much I love him and appreciate all he's done for me and my kids. Maybe I'll talk about some specific childhood memories that just include him.
I don't want any regrets or anything left unsaid. We should get the results of the PET scan by Friday, which should tell us if it definitely is cancer (though that's what she's thinking, his PCP.) Tuesday will be the lung doctor to find out if he can survive anesthesia and a biopsy and possible lobe removal. From there, I guess they'll formulate a plan.
Thanks again to all of you ... such wonderful suggestions and words of comfort. It's appreciated way more than you know.
How are you doing today mellie? Hoping you got some decent, refreshing sleep and feel a bit more able to face the day. :-)
I have seen families torn apart by loved ones fighting over the passed estate and it is just horrible! In my opinion it is reprehensible! Material things are just that and it is so disrespectful for loved ones to fight over these things when they should be there for one another and grieving together. After all you can't take it with you my Big Ma used to say.
The reason I am telling you this is this is a good reason for everyone to have their last wishes down on paper and make it legal. Everyone hopes this will never happen but the truth is you just never really know what will happen so it is best to have all this taken care of and that way this will not happen.
It is so hard to talk about these kinds of things but it is so important and necessary.
You have my deepest sympathies and I am so sorry your Dad and your family is going thru this and of course I will pray for your Dad and your family.
Your Dad sounds like a great man and you a very proud daughter.
It is just so heartbreaking. i am so sorry.
The reason I am telling you this is this is a good reason for everyone to have their last wishes down on paper and make it legal. Everyone hopes this will never happen but the truth is you just never really know what will happen so it is best to have all this taken care of and that way this will not happen.
It is so hard to talk about these kinds of things but it is so important and necessary.
You have my deepest sympathies and I am so sorry your Dad and your family is going thru this and of course I will pray for your Dad and your family.
Your Dad sounds like a great man and you a very proud daughter.
It is just so heartbreaking. i am so sorry.
Oh, I am so sorry. Please know you will be in my prayers, heart and thoughts. I desperately hope it all comes out perfectly. Stay Strong!
Sara
((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))
Sara
((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))
Oh mellie. Those conversations can be either a blessing or a curse. My mother was more like yours. She was very open about what she wanted and crystal clear about her estate. It seems like men in particular have a hard time talking about death. Maybe because it involves emotions? I don't know.
If you can pick a moment to talk to your dad about his will and any other legalities, maybe you can work into the rest of it. I think if you approach it with him that not knowing what he wants is painful for you, he'll open up eventually. If he can't talk about it, ask him if he can write it down. I had to do the same thing with my father while he was on his very deathbed dying of cancer. Mom just couldn't handle it. It was hard to get started, but he ended up actually being relieved to have the discussion. I hope it goes that way for you. :-)
If you can pick a moment to talk to your dad about his will and any other legalities, maybe you can work into the rest of it. I think if you approach it with him that not knowing what he wants is painful for you, he'll open up eventually. If he can't talk about it, ask him if he can write it down. I had to do the same thing with my father while he was on his very deathbed dying of cancer. Mom just couldn't handle it. It was hard to get started, but he ended up actually being relieved to have the discussion. I hope it goes that way for you. :-)
Thank you to all of you. I wish I could thank you all individually, but right at the moment, I need to feed the kids :)
I am full of fear and anxiety. I have talked to my PM doc about this and she is working with me and has upped my meds a bit and added a couple more, like Ativan and Ambien. She is awesome. I am blessed with ALL my doctors and since Pop started listening to me, he's in good shape with his as well. I want a doctor that's my partner. That listens and is open. Without that, I don't believe you can have what you need and you end up more frustrated.
When my mom died it was heartbreaking, and her actual death, though quick, was horrifying. It's an image that still wakes me up crying in the middle of the night. It was just gruesome. (My former grandmother-in-law died of lung cancer, and I was with her when she died, and she had such a beautiful and peaceful death.) (My mom died of lung disease not cancer. She had never smoked but had been ill with TB as a kid and it just ruined her lungs. She suffered with it her whole life.)
When my mother was dying, her oxygen level was so low, she was sort of not with it. She knew who I was, but she wasn't aware she was dying. She was cooperative and pleasant and thankful for anything you did. And until the very end, I believe she was quite comfortable. Before she got really ill, she and I had many conversations about her death. I knew what she wanted and how she felt. It was easy to talk about at the time because her death wasn't imminent.
That's where my fear comes. My dad is so private. I'm anxious about talking to him about death ... I want him to be totally comfortable and able to say what he wants. I don't want him to worry about making us upset. We're going to be anyway. I just hope he realizes that he doesn't need to keep everything in.
This forum has been one of the biggest blessings in my life in a long time. The support here is tremendous ... I hope I am able to support all of you when you need it, too, whether it's specifically about CP or just anything at all. I so wish my mom could have had something like this. She had chronic pain the last 40 years of her life. There was no treatment. The best she got was a vicodin script towards the end. (Before hospice ... then, she could have whatever she wanted.) Basically docs told her there's nothing we can do for arthritis or your breathing. (Her arthritis was TERRIBLE.)
Talk later. Thanks and hugs to all of you :)
xox
I am full of fear and anxiety. I have talked to my PM doc about this and she is working with me and has upped my meds a bit and added a couple more, like Ativan and Ambien. She is awesome. I am blessed with ALL my doctors and since Pop started listening to me, he's in good shape with his as well. I want a doctor that's my partner. That listens and is open. Without that, I don't believe you can have what you need and you end up more frustrated.
When my mom died it was heartbreaking, and her actual death, though quick, was horrifying. It's an image that still wakes me up crying in the middle of the night. It was just gruesome. (My former grandmother-in-law died of lung cancer, and I was with her when she died, and she had such a beautiful and peaceful death.) (My mom died of lung disease not cancer. She had never smoked but had been ill with TB as a kid and it just ruined her lungs. She suffered with it her whole life.)
When my mother was dying, her oxygen level was so low, she was sort of not with it. She knew who I was, but she wasn't aware she was dying. She was cooperative and pleasant and thankful for anything you did. And until the very end, I believe she was quite comfortable. Before she got really ill, she and I had many conversations about her death. I knew what she wanted and how she felt. It was easy to talk about at the time because her death wasn't imminent.
That's where my fear comes. My dad is so private. I'm anxious about talking to him about death ... I want him to be totally comfortable and able to say what he wants. I don't want him to worry about making us upset. We're going to be anyway. I just hope he realizes that he doesn't need to keep everything in.
This forum has been one of the biggest blessings in my life in a long time. The support here is tremendous ... I hope I am able to support all of you when you need it, too, whether it's specifically about CP or just anything at all. I so wish my mom could have had something like this. She had chronic pain the last 40 years of her life. There was no treatment. The best she got was a vicodin script towards the end. (Before hospice ... then, she could have whatever she wanted.) Basically docs told her there's nothing we can do for arthritis or your breathing. (Her arthritis was TERRIBLE.)
Talk later. Thanks and hugs to all of you :)
xox
We are never "ready" to lose a parent, or any loved one for that matter. I thought I was "ready" to say goodbye to my mother but the reality was another story. That kind of loss is supposed to happen to other people, not us!
Tuck makes such a good point in trusting whatever decision your dad makes. He may well choose to forego treatment and go for comfort measures only. Hard as it is to accept, that is his right. It took seeing several important people in my life die of cancer, including my father, choose that path before I finally accepted it as a valid choice instead of a meek surrender.
I'm praying for strength for you, your dad and your family. Trust him. :-)
Tuck makes such a good point in trusting whatever decision your dad makes. He may well choose to forego treatment and go for comfort measures only. Hard as it is to accept, that is his right. It took seeing several important people in my life die of cancer, including my father, choose that path before I finally accepted it as a valid choice instead of a meek surrender.
I'm praying for strength for you, your dad and your family. Trust him. :-)
Since your very first post telling us about your father I have said extra prayers for you and him. As I said earlier I do understand the pain and concern you are experiencing.
This cannot help but to dominate your thoughts. Make sure your dad has an excellent, kind and trustworthy PCP. He/she will coordinate your dad's care and help you and he make the right decisions.
I know it is heartbreaking. Try to think positive and be there for your dad. Let me talk and make his needs and wants know. Trust whatever decision he makes to be the right ones for him...and support him in those decisions.
I'll continue to keep you both in my prayers,
God Bless You,
~Tuck
This cannot help but to dominate your thoughts. Make sure your dad has an excellent, kind and trustworthy PCP. He/she will coordinate your dad's care and help you and he make the right decisions.
I know it is heartbreaking. Try to think positive and be there for your dad. Let me talk and make his needs and wants know. Trust whatever decision he makes to be the right ones for him...and support him in those decisions.
I'll continue to keep you both in my prayers,
God Bless You,
~Tuck
Mellie, I will pray for you. I lost my mom to lung cancer so I understand what a scary time it can be for you. Please let me know if theres anything I can do, or any questions I can answer for you. My mom did go peacefully and pain free, thank goodness, but I was not ready to lose her at 62. I think of her everyday.
Hi Mellie:
Gosh, I went through that not too long ago. Watching your Dad suffer is about one of the worst things I think we can go through. Let's pray that it isn't too bad. My Dad was diagnosed in Jan. of 2003 and was gone in April of the same year. He had only one lung as it was. The other lung he lost saving a woman from a fire. We was a Fire Fighter for our city. I will pray for you.
My best,
Mollyrae
Gosh, I went through that not too long ago. Watching your Dad suffer is about one of the worst things I think we can go through. Let's pray that it isn't too bad. My Dad was diagnosed in Jan. of 2003 and was gone in April of the same year. He had only one lung as it was. The other lung he lost saving a woman from a fire. We was a Fire Fighter for our city. I will pray for you.
My best,
Mollyrae
I know how much our parents mean to us. I am so sorry your going thru this it has to add even more pain on you. Your in my thoughts and prayers and I hope it all works out for you and your dear dad.
(((HUGS))) and thinking of you and your family.
Jamie
(((HUGS))) and thinking of you and your family.
Jamie
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