feeling useless

[Nez37]

hi everyone, i am having a very low time of it lately and thought i would pop in to type and see if it helps me in any way. i can't put my finger on the reason as to why i feel so down but i hate feeling this way. my wife said the other night that she is going to have to get a second job as we just don't have enough money coming in. this really made me feel bad about myself. she already works between 3 - 5 12 hour shifts a week and i can see that it's taking it's toll on her. she hasn't seen much of the kids for the 6 weeks summer holidays and they go back to school on monday. i just wish there was something i could do to help financially so they she didn't have to do it all on her own. i grew up with the man of the house was the provider and for the last 5 years since my accident it has been the other way around. every year we start off by saying lets hope this year is better than the last and once again xmas is coming near and i am still unable to help out which means it's going to be a big struggle again. i just feel useless as a husband, father and provider for my family. my moods are still bad with me snapping and getting angry over the slightest thing. i started testosterone replacement this week and i was told that it may help with my mood swings but nothing has changed which i am assuming is why i am a bit angry as i expected it to help me chill out a bit more. i just feel that all would be better if i wasn''t here being a burden

[mkh9]

Hi and sorry you are so down. I think your testosterone injections do cause emotions of anger higher than normal. I feel down that my husband is having to be a caregiver for me and is also cooking and working long hours. I'm sure you wife just wants you to get better. If you have good days try to enjoy them with her and the family. You are NOT a burden to her trust me. I felt that way but it isn't true. She loves you and you both need each other. That is what love is about. As we age she will need you too and it goes both ways. No one knows what life is going to throw us and it can happen both ways. Would an anti-depressant or other mood stabilizer help? I only mean that becauase they can help. We get in tiff's too and snap at each other due to stress. I'm sure that is what you both are feeling. Please don't feel bad about writing that is part of what we are here for, support.

[JadedSweetheart]

Hey Nez, I just want you to know you aren't alone in feeling useless.  CP can take a lot away from us.. our jobs, time with our kids, fun events, sports and exercise.  Everyone here has had to alter our lives in some way just to avoid agony or making things worse.
I've been feeling useless lately as well.  My husband provides for me and the children I have from before we were married.  Then he also comes home for from working and has to clean the house and cook dinner on his days off.  I feel AWFUL about it.  He knows I can't work or do the household chores I used to do and is very understanding.  
I still feel like I am a terrible wife and mother who can't do anything around the hosue at all.  I feel useless a lot of the time.
On top of that I have been getting really irritable because of pain and stress and snapping at him and the kids some.  I apologize almost immediately but I know I can't be fun to live with all the time.  
I know it's hard for us to understand how much our spouses love us and are just glad to have us with them.  They remember how we used to be and they want us to get better and are willing to stand by us no matter what.  I'm sure your wife understands how hard it is for you that you can't do what you used to do.  
I hope the new therapy will help you feel better soon.  Please just know you are not alone in feeling that way and not being able to help out as much as you would like around the house.

[Tuckamore]

Hi Nez,

I am glad that you popped by to post. I amsorry that you are feeling so down. Your heading caught my eye, "Feeling Useless". I think many of us fight that emotion. Chrinic pain throws a lot of those feelings at us.

Testostone therapy can take more than a week or two to be effective. So please give it some time. I know you must feel saddened beause you are not able to contribute as you once did to te household income. But please dear heart don't let this make you feel useless. No matter what the situatin may be I would rather have my husband at my side....because I love him and not what he can or cannot provide. I am sure your wife feels the same. When push come to show there is no one I'd rather walk through this world with and I ambetting your wife feels the same.

Chronic pain takes a huge toll on our lives. It can rob us of stength and abilities. Don't allow it to rob you of the important things in life, a wife and family. Keeping the lines of communication open is inpairative. Sharing your concerns with your wife and others will help you through this journey. I am sure she doesn't see you as "useless." And I bet the word "burden" never enters her mind. Those are Our Words!...becuase that is how We Feel. I bet they are not her thoughts or feelings. I encourage you to talk to her.

Hang in there and feel free to vent here any time you need to do so. Many of us have been in your shoes...or are in your shoes. We can relate. Stop in any time. :o)  

Blessings,
~Tuck