Is it controlling behavior or suspicious behavior

[gwenthp]

We've been raising our 9 year old niece for the past 5 years (she was previously molested by her grandfather before coming here). My husband is a very controlling person by nature but I'm wondering if something else is going on between him and our niece. When they are away from me (sitting out on the porch for example) He stares into her eyes and she seems to melt and place her head on his arm (now this seems like normal daddy daughter behavior) however, in front of me he pretends he can't stand having kids around and yells and complains alot. He also controls her every move when she's at the dinner table (table manners, reminders to clear her plate, etc.) the types of things that I as the Mom would normally correct. When he walks around the house, she watches his every move. The other day I told her that I observered them sitting on the porch showing love and affection and how I loved seeing the two of them bonding. She smiled and said we also play a game where we sit side by side and push it other's legs...again, this seems innocent enough but why is it that he mostly shows affection for her when he's away from me? On the other hand he gives her lots of hugs and often touches her neck, back or arm when he walks past her. It just doesn't match up so I'm not sure if it's just part of his controlling behavior or if I should be suspicious of this inconsistent behavior?

[MarkLakewood3367]

I think discussing your suspicions with a therapist is a very good idea.  Also, maintaining a constant and open dialogue with your niece is also very important.

[gwenthp]

Mark, she's actually been through extensive therapy and was released about 6 months ago as healthy. That's part of what makes this so tricky because as we all know those that have been molested are easy prey and since her the therapy sessions are over no more reporting or observing by a therapist is necessary. However, I think it may be a good idea for me to speak to a therapist about my suspicions. I just joined this site, saw similar questions and decided to post mine her as well. Thanks for your feedback.

[gwenthp]

It was her Father's father who molested her, her mother is my sister

[MarkLakewood3367]

If your niece was sexually abused, she should be receiving mental health counseling.  Kids who were or are being sexually abused typically have boundary issues to no fault of their own.  That is why therapy is so important.  Regarding your concerns of suspicious behavior, this issue should be discussed with the therapist.  

[AnnieBrooke]

Was the grandfather who molested her, your husband's father?  Do you know if your husband was ever molested?  I'd be more worried and suspicious if so.