Selecting a therapist

[Carol1205]

My son has some behavioral issues and we are seeking help through a psychologist.  We recently met with a doctor.  He told us that he would like to have permission to keep our son's "secrets" from us, even though by law we are entitled to know everything our son tells him.  We have never had any counseling experience, so I wanted to know if this is a normal request.  I am not comfortable with this.  I do not think it is prudent to give permission to another adult to keep secrets from a parent, nor do I want to set the precedent with my son to do this.

Thank you.

[lisamommy]

We, too, are sending my poor behaved daughter to a therapist. We met with him first to be sure he understood why we were taking her to see him. He was very open about making sure that we are informed about what he heard from her. He said he would serve as her advocate under all circumstances.

I do not think I would agree with your therapist by allowing "secrets", unless they are harmless - meaning, a crush on a boy/girl or something like that which could be "embarrassing" to the child. Or, if there is suspected child abuse. Otherwise, you are in the right to hear everything and process the information as you need to as the parent.

If the therapist has excellent credentials and you know of others that see them, or heard good things from the school, I am sure there isn't anything to worry about. Ultimately, it is your choice, but for a child, I would never agree to that. A teenager, maybe...

[Sumanadevii]

If the child is not allowed to speak freely to his therapist how do you expect it to work?  If he knows that everything he tells the man is going back to his parents, he sure isn't going to build any kind of a relationship up with the therapist.  

Maybe what you really want is family therapy where everyone goes together.  That might be a better fit for what you are looking for....No secrets and you will know exactly what he is saying.

[RockRose]

So Carol,  was this on the initial visit,  typical paperwork during the intake process for every new patient?

If that's the case,  I'd say "no" too.

I don't know what the law is if during the counseling process the doctor strongly suspects abuse,   and an outcry of abuse against a parent I believe can be  protected information.

If this is even before he's seen your son,  I think the answer is no.  You're trying to get to the bottom of his behavioral issues, and you can't if you're not able to listen to and verify/discount what your son is saying about his feelings and experiences.

Kids can say the darndest things,  that are provably inaccurate,  and if you can't weed through that his behavioral therapy probably wouldn't be as effective as if you can guide the doctor through the truth.

[jdtm]

When our grandchild first saw her psychiatrist, the doctor said that "nothing said in this room is kept from one another" - the parents as well as the younger sibling was in the room.  Our granddaughter was six years of age - how old is your son?  I think this is my first question (I assume he is between 6 and 12 years of age).  My second question - biological son or stepson?  Nonetheless, I still feel your first instinct is justified in that secrets should not be kept from the parents and this psychologist is not the therapist for your family.  Just wondering ...